As a professional therapist, woman, wife, daughter, sister, and someday (hopefully) mother, I questioned myself on how much I should, and would, share with you about my own insecurities. After all, therapists showing their personal stories of fear, struggles and shame, is not the norm. We, therapists, have been placed on a pedestal, with a plaque underneath it that reads, “got it all figured out.” This is a myth. It’s a lie. At least I can speak for myself -- I don’t have it all figured out. I don’t know anybody that does. The only thing that I do have figured out is that you always should be working on figuring things out to make your life better. That’s what works for me. Sometimes we make choices that make us feel ashamed and embarrassed. But that’s how we learn and grow. This is what I share in my message, with my clients, and why I chose to open up as much as I have on LA Shrinks.
I hoped that if I showed you my (and my husband’s, which he was so supportive in doing) vulnerabilities, pain, shame, fear and frustrations, maybe you could relate. Maybe I could help someone out there. Maybe telling you my story would inspire you to share your story with others like it did when Clayton and I wrote our book, Break-Up Emergency. He impressed upon me the need to share and gave me the courage to show my struggles and vulnerabilities.
He was right. People started saying to me that they felt as if my story was theirs. I realized that we all have insecurities and challenges. But these things don’t make us ugly; rather, they made us real and beautiful. I now know that in these honest moments is where truth can be found. And through being honest about these truths, we can begin to accept and love ourselves.
I have made choices in life that I’ve been ashamed and embarrassed about. Haven’t we all? When I was 15 years old, I started going to Weight Watchers because I felt fat. This was the beginning of my journey to Bulimia and Body Dysmorphia. I couldn’t stop myself from eating all of the ice cream, French fries, waffles, and fried chicken my heart desired. I then purged because I didn’t want to get fat. All of these choices were because I was afraid that nobody would love me for who I was. And, nobody could because I didn’t love myself. I thought that if I would hide my honest feelings about myself, people wouldn’t find out the true me and maybe they would like me. I was in hiding and ashamed because of my Body Dysmorphia. This is very common; I see it in my private practice and the world around me everyday. 1 in every 4 college aged women has an eating disorder.