The Doctor's In!

Dr. Greg doesn't want you to judge his father so quickly.

on Mar 11, 20130

 

Though it's not my week to write, I wanted to say a few words about the episode this week and the lunch I have with my father on his 70th birthday.  

The difficult things people hear my father say about gay people may put many off. They also hear these comments along side of commentary by me about my childhood and the abuse that we suffered as a family. This may cause you to think poorly of my father or to demonize him. But, if you do, you may be missing the bigger picture.

What happened in the past with my siblings and me is very real. What is also very real is that all of us want to heal and move on. That includes my father.  

He agreed to appear on this show at least partly to support me and to help mend our relationship. What you observed this week was the beginning of that process. As the weeks progress, you will see far more will be revealed that both explains some of the reasons that underlie his actions and his own struggles that persist to this day.

This process was not easy for either of us and didn't come out all neat and tidy like a G-rated movie. It is, after all, real life. But what you will see is how difficult this process of healing is and that it takes guts and perseverance from both sides.  

What matters is that he came forward for the sake of family and our relationship. So many parents who express similar views are unwilling to meet their gay daughters or sons and listen to their viewpoint. And, what is even more rare is parents who may have mistreated their children attempting to mend the relationship scars that set in so long ago. 

As you watch the story unfold, remind yourself that this man is standing up and allowing himself to be accountable and that takes true courage. It does not matter that his views of life may be different or that he has difficulty with people who are different than he is. If we judge him negatively for that, then we are just doing the same thing. 

 

22 comments
msexton
msexton

I applaud your father for coming to the wedding, for that matter; being on the show and airing your lives from the past!  You're correct...if we judge him negatively, then we are just doing the same thing; I wish everyone thought like that.

 

Congratulations on your wedding!!!

gmason2
gmason2

Im so proud of the doctors dad, for reaching inside n admitting that he was just a child n didn't know any better...he was neglected too n then became a father wgo abused but didn't know any better...loving this show right now..love tne dad n the son reaching out

bpster
bpster

I just want to wish you success in your relationship with your father.

DanSam10
DanSam10

Good Afternoon, 

 

Have you ever caught yourself reliving a painful past in the worst of times ever? I had and regret it. What is your advise on how to make yourself sag-way from making your past hunt your future. 

 

Happy St. Patty's Day!

VonVile
VonVile

I agree with Kate 1211, Dr. Greg's perspectives on common issues seem spot on to me. They speak to me in a articulate, direct way and seeing him as a fallible human, from a troubled background as myself makes him even more endearing. Reconciling with his father is amazing to watch and has honestly changed my views on being a victim and the anger that comes with that. I love me some Dr. Greg!!! Thanks for ur insights.

bogigi88
bogigi88

How much baggage do we carry? It seems only if one willing to let go, than you can free yourself.

kate1211
kate1211

I recently found your show and think it is probably one of the best and most intelligent and informative of the "reality" genre. I have only seen three episodes but love this show and watch as many re-runs as I can find. Dr. Greg is my fav of the cast. His explanations are so well-worded, his sense of humor only adds to his endearing persona and his bravery is astonishing. The episode at lunch made me nervous as I watched his face harden during the interaction with his father. How he kept so calm amazed me. (I come from an abusive mother and ex-husband). Thank you for showing the beginning of a healing relationship. My mother is 93 and I have worked very hard over the years to come to terms with her abuse. My ex died before we ever resolved our issues. Thank you ever so much for your insights on abuse. I only wish that I could have had those relationships heal as yours is doing. I think your courage has come from your Dad. Can't wait for more episodes! What a great show!!

cleo2222
cleo2222

You dad has alot of courage to go on the show. It is also showing how much he really does love and support you. I love that you are sticking up for him! Cant wait to watch everything unfold and I wish you all luck. Love the show!!!

ireneg
ireneg

hey wandap,  didnt i just read your comment on brandis blog?

WandaP
WandaP

Dr. Greg, I love this show, and your families bravery, as well as all the patients who are willing to come on TV, to benefit others. It's so easy to judge your father, when you haven't walked in his shoes. I am sure he was raised, obviously in a different era. Tolerance is taught, not just a givin, now in this age, it is a givin. We must remember to be gracious to these story lines, to the people involved, these are real issues, not just party based gatherings. I really hope others will stop and think before they judge to quickly, ur father or anyone on the show. I also hope that Bravo editors really keep the continuity of the therapy, as there is enough shock value! Thank you for being so brave, and to your family, bear with the reality, haters out there, if they actually listen, they may learn something! Dr. V girl, how many times r the kids going to push u into the pool? Shall we count this season! Dr.E I hope others will not judge u to harshly, but see how if couples are not clear in the beginning of relationships can cause strife. After 30 years of marriage, compromise is key, and well I pick my battles.. Thanks again!!

monakaykay
monakaykay

You are brave and very entertaining and I am hooked on your show after 2 episodes!

carlie1964
carlie1964

I feel as if  I have seen Dr Eris on TV before. I like Dr Greg and Dr   V.  I haveonly seen one episode but is Dr Eris pouting and tryig to control her hsband, Clayton? I see this relationship ending soon. Dr Eris needs to BACK off and enjoy her husband instead of viewing him as a sperm daddy.Dr Greg made me laugh when he thought his ager issue parient was trying to as DR Greg tated "Trying toshow me her genitals" OMG..Dr G is NOT a hetero and if he thought urinting into a cup on the highway was flirting....Oh boy!!  I will watch again

lisaroni71
lisaroni71

I am so glad to hear that you both are working things out.  It seems we never really outgrow the need for our parent's acceptance and love.  It is deep-rooted in our sense of belonging.  I was feeling your hurt and anger when I was watching the lunch scene, because it was obvious that your dad knows he hurt you, but he still tried to twist things around to make it look like you were the bad guy.  Kudos to you for being so calm at that point.  If you weren't, then you may never have been able to get anywhere with him and things would stay the same or get worse.   Hopefully people watching realize this and learn from this.  Can't wait to see what happens with you two! 

tguiness
tguiness

I am glad to heqar that you are moving on with the healing process and look forward to see how this unfolds for both you and your father this season. If I was able to ask a question I would ask why you still look for approval from your father? It is obvious that you are in a good place in your life. It is a shame that at this point all we are seeing is the obvious pain and distrust. Hopefully things will continue to improve.

brushwud
brushwud

Love this show!  Requires some brainpower.

SweetAnnie
SweetAnnie

Dr. Greg,

 

I think it takes a lot of courage for you and your dad to do this show.  There are many families that struggle with this issue.  Thanks to you and your family for sharing this painful, and very personal struggle with us.

 

Bravo,

 

I love this show!!!!  It has real depth.

 

AzTonja
AzTonja

You deserve happiness for life! From one survivor of a challenging childhood to another, be happy.

neutrino
neutrino

Greg, saw your first episode and if your father made comments to me being gay, I would respond by someone who obviously is in the closet.  I am surprised that you have not read any material on studies done on hate crimes.  Approximately four years ago or perhaps longer there was a study on PBS, to make a long story short, the results were people who make negative comments, use hate and other negative comments toward gays were generally oppressing homosexual tendencies. 

jeffrey.smith.925602
jeffrey.smith.925602

Wow my childhood mirrors yours,will you get deeper into how you can interface with your father without blowing your top or become angry? I cant let go and had the mental and phyical as well .

levans1
levans1

 @kate1211

 I appreciated your comments on Dr. Gregg's father.  I was also nervous waiting for Dr. Gregg's father to arrive, as if it were my own dad.  I also grew up with an abusive father.  He became mellow in his later years but he never apologized to me.  Dr. Gregg did say most abusive parents do not view themselves as abusers (so the sought after apology would never come).  That was enlightening to me.  I am now a fan of Dr. Gregg's.  I wish I lived close by,  I would definitely see Dr. Gregg because he would be more understanding of childhood trauma than other psychologists.  I am hooked on the show.