Friendship Caught Fire

No One's Perfect

Nobody's Perfect

The Friend Zone

The Lois to His Superman

Losing My Religion

Fake Out

Small Hands, Big Heart

Friendship Caught Fire

Lori Zaslow explains the best way to approach a date.

“Love is like friendship caught fire.” – Bruce Lee

This week I worked with Justin and Doug.  Justin was the perfect example of open and willing; Doug was the perfect example of not.  Every encounter with another human being is a chance to uphold, improve or destroy your reputation.  You never know who you are interacting with or how they will cross your path in the future. This effect is exponential.  After discovering the way Doug treats his dates, I would not be comfortable setting him up with another woman, or even recommending his business to anyone I care about until he changes his ways.  I know Jessica felt the same, and I’d bet she won’t be as forgiving, if he changes.  Doug will have to dig deeper to be able to receive the love I believe we all deserve, when it crosses his path.

Justin, a free spirit, could benefit from believing his own words more when it comes to his dating tactics.  Self-doubt is a huge turnoff.  Being open to modifications and improvements towards your own goals for success is great, but always be proud to be you.  He went in for the kiss; he should’ve been proud of himself.  He was polite enough to ask her permission, and she consented.  Run full force to first base; never assume it’s a foul ball.  Women love men who are sure of themselves and not afraid to take action.  After the kiss, he could’ve focused on Paula’s feelings by reading her facial and body language and speaking with consideration and confidence, no matter what either of them felt.  An awkward first kiss can’t permanently ruin a good first impression nearly as fast as losing your cool and talking about an ex can.

A nice break with good old friends is a great way to hit your reset button.  Good friends ground you in who you really are and what you stand for.  Romance comes and goes, but real friendship is forever.  So imagine if your romance starts from friendship?  Think of your date as a good friend who you want to learn more about, for one hour, whether you feel romantic chemistry or not.  This image will inspire respect and help you keep your cool.  As we always hear, you only have one chance to make a first impression.  Your date could turn out to be your new best friend who introduces you to your soul mate. What goes around comes around, so spread some love by being a friend.


Nobody's Perfect

Lori Zaslow thinks Pele was too hung up on finding a partner with no flaws.

"The love we give away is the only love we keep."
-- Elbert Hubbard

Let me be really clear as I repeat myself:

1. Dating is a game. Love is not.
2. Love is a process. So is our service.
3. To find your soul mate you must be ready to work on YOURSELF. Your flaws are not all loveable, even to your soul mate.
4. A soul mate is also not a PERFECT person. They are someone who brings out your best potential thus leading to a more fulfilling life. Sustaining this relationship for life is typically VERY CHALLENGING.
5. Hence, they do not come wrapped in a little bow on a silver platter ready to personally heal and fulfill all of your unmet needs. You have to GIVE, COMPROMISE, and often SACRIFICE -- happily.
6. Long-lasting love takes hard work and daily maintenance.
7. Everyone has a lot to learn about love.
8. There is more than one someone for everyone.
9. Have the courage and find the strength to GET VULNERABLE for love.
10. When it is real, it's all worth it.

Pele seemed like a ball of charm, wit, and coming from a seed of elite success -- the perfect package. And here we have our first problem. He is critical of others over very little, probably because he thinks the goal in life is to be perfect. Thus he fears getting vulnerable enough to let love reflect back the very thing he needs to learn about to grow and mature -- his imperfections. In this space you just get permanently stuck in a one-sided dead end relationship with yourself and a history of supposedly "not good enough” exes. Shante was exactly what he swore he wanted. What happened to his last "love" so deeply affecting him that she altered his milkshake preferences forever? Horror movies were a hard limit for him? Protective shell -- NO DEPTH. But deep down at the "soul" level, you sense why you are alone and you slowly find it harder to truly love yourself.

Why do we all think we have to be perfect to deserve love? Love is compassion and empathy. It's not only a thing you get, it's also a thing you do -- a verb AND a noun. Remember the Golden Rule?

Brendan's second date with Justine was the perfect example of the "work" paying off. Open, positive, gently self-deprecating, willing to work on his flaws, getting vulnerable, taking a risk, and being more of himself – he showed her what was behind the hilarious and equally protective shell. And the boy becomes a man. According to most women I know, a strong man is someone who can say, "I'm a little nervous," without falling apart or looking like a wuss. Not the smoothest date, but a great match like Justine found him just endearing enough to give him another chance.

Think of the dating game as soul mate training. The rejection, loss, and hurt of the past can heal if you do the work on your path to finding "the one." So, take a deep breath and fall in love. Repeat.