Losing My Religion

Lori explains why it was so hard to find a date for Jonathan.

This episode kicks off with my meeting with a potential client, Jonathan. As per usual, I need to meet my clients and make sure that they are a good fit for my service at Project Soulmate. He immediately passed my test, and while he may not be on the cover of Fortune 500 magazine, he has some amazing qualities that many women would love. He loves kids, volunteers as a swim instructor, and works as a tri-athlete trainer. I quickly find out he is looking for a good Christian woman; a woman that is serious about her faith and makes it to church every Sunday is at the top of his list -- a MAJOR challenge. Religious girls are hard to find in a city like New York, where a carefree breeze blows through the city. When asking about religion, the response we usually get involves the words spirituality and yoga. We like Jonathan though, so Jenn and I are happy to find his perfect woman.
 
Next, we meet with Jesse again. Ugh, what a disappointment. Our advice just seems to go in one ear and out the other. We were interested in hearing more about his date with Stephanie, but to our surprise he still hadn’t kissed her. If you are interested in a girl, you kiss her. Period. End of story. Be aggressive and don’t send mixed messages. Will he ever learn? I hope so; after all, we know best.
 
Back with Jonathan, we begin to explore what he is truly looking for in a girl. Jonathan has quite the checklist, and I find myself nervous as to whether or not I can deliver; luckily I’m always up for a challenge. His search parameters: a southern belle, religious, down to earth, energy like the Energizer Bunny, and most importantly a shagger. I was immediately thrown by Jonathan’s honesty. Hey, maybe NYC is rubbing off on him after all. But, staying true to his southern charm, he explains that shagging means dancing. Got it. This is a tall order, but coming right up!

A new client, Jamie, is a piano savant. He is very talented and uses music as a means to express himself. I have a challenge on my hands. I need to find out what is holding him back from finding love and single-handedly tear down 40 years of the thick walls he's so masterfully crafted to protect himself from getting hurt. Vulnerability is one of the most important things when it comes to finding love, and I share this with Jamie. Love is never going to come to you if you are not capable of putting yourself out there. My solution? Boot camp! The boot camp was a no-brainer for Jamie, because if he understands that women want a man that is vulnerable and open, maybe he won’t be so scared to open up.
 
Back to Jonathan for a second. This Jewish girl is off to church! I don’t use the Internet to find women for my clients. I go out into the real world and find them. Watch out NYC ladies! Don’t be surprised if I approach you.
 
Next up, our boot camp for Jamie! If you are not going to be vulnerable to love, you will not find it. The woman gave some great advice to Jamie: just be yourself, be authentic, and be open for an amazing woman!
At Project Soulmate, we believe blind dates are the best method to keep things as organic as possible. It's our process, and it has proven to work time and time again!
 
We set Jonathan up on a blind date on the Brooklyn Bridge. Bravo, Jonathan, great move with the rose. Women love a thoughtful guy. I guess he is hoping this leads to a good shagging. And we soon see that that is on the agenda. However, I am not sure if they had the best moves together. Nicole said the chemistry was lacking. Chemistry is the hardest part of our business. I know we can put two people together who could be soul mates, but I cannot predict the chemistry.
 
What was missing? Nicole lost her energy…You only have a couple hours on a first date to make a great impression. Let your energy die down after the date.
 
Last, but certainly not least, we have Jamie's date. I can tell that Jamie is very nervous, but I am happy that he put himself out there. His date with Michelle went extremely well. Their conversation was engaging and they seemed to have a lot in common. They both come from musical families and love to perform. He even asked her out on a second date at the end of the first date. Nothing makes me happier then when a guy follows my advice! It is the most rewarding feeling of my job when two people feel the chemistry and want to go out again.
 
I hope you enjoyed this week!
 
xo,
Lori

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The Friend Zone

Lori Zaslow explains the danger of getting put in the friend category.

“Never let the fear of striking out get in your way.” - Babe Ruth

OK, hit pause. I know last week I said I'm all about "friendship caught fire," but Brendan is an example of taking this to extremes. The friend zone is a space where nothing catches fire. It is where polite women put guys who are "cute" and "sweet,” a.k.a. "not someone they wish to imagine having sex with."

How does one avoid this? Keep your cool. When you feel your nerves kick in, take a breath, remind yourself you are worthy of love, and then DO NOT try to overcompensate -- particularly by acting like a giddy teenager and throwing yourself into a gong literally OR figuratively. Note to self: Brendan will need a meeting with The Nonverbal Group.Now fast forward to Marc and Jennifer -- a perfect example of a grown up, successful blind date. This is what everyone should come to me open to experiencing. First date or tenth, I will get it right. The more mature and open you are with me in our meetings, the easier it is for me to accomplish this quickly. Hence why I always say, “Work on yourself.” I think premarital therapy should be a requirement to obtain a marriage license.

Two men, burned by women. One defeated by his insecurities before he even starts by masking his hurt in humor (an instant sign of weakness), the other confessing his fears and dreams on camera while still being comfortable with this vulnerability (an instant sign of inner strength). Which one would a woman more likely fall for?



I mean hey, we women have become strong and independent, but we’ll always want our soul mate to be an honest and strong man -- someone who’s ready to catch us when we fall in love.

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