The Lois to His Superman

Lori Zaslow thinks Quinn needs to give Meg another chance.

On this week's show I met with Quinn. My first impression was that he’s stiff, nervous, stuck in his head, but very handsome, together and intelligent. During our visual impression meeting I saw a different side of Quinn -- lustier with quite high visual standards. Possibly more of his wall? Or maybe with degrees from Stanford, MIT, and Harvard he is accustomed to everything being the best. This unexpected passion made me think of a great gal for him. Meg is spontaneous, very clever, sexy, and will hopefully be the Lois Lane he needs to release the inner Superman from his Clark Kent exterior.



As I always say, dating is a game and love is a process. Hence, so is my service (www.projectsoulmate.com). It takes time and experience to get through the protective layers of a person down to their core. We are all scared to look like a fool, be rejected, or lose. With each date's feedback, I see who is really under the skin's surface and often what they are looking for (before they even realize it). Dave Fish's willingness to put himself out there and take a body language lesson from Blake at The Nonverbal Group and Dave's ability to learn from the past was evident in his date with Stacy. This date was a great example of how being passionately yourself, while also being open to growth, leads you closer and closer to people who adore you for who you really are. Sometimes who you really are is better than you give yourself credit for. Insecurities often stem from a fear that who you really are will not be acceptable. The only way to prove that wrong is to get vulnerable and back in the saddle. There truly is someone for everyone.


With Meg, maybe Quinn was scared of losing his cool. But that’s because she got him hot under the collar. So Lois! If Quinn gave it a second chance, they may connect on that cerebral level. (And what’s so bad about one more date with a girl you are hot for?) What if she proved to be the one who breaks him free of his fears of his uninhibited self? I should just make the second date mandatory already.Everlasting love rarely falls from the sky into your lap. The longest lasting romances come about from two individuals willing to build on their love by working on themselves.

Falling in love can be frightening (that’s where the falling comes in)! Your soul mate is there to catch you. When someone rounds you out, opens you up, gets you out of your comfort zone and over your fears, it often reveals a you that you love more. One who helps you live your life to its fullest. Soul mates don't always make life more comfortable…but they do make it more worthwhile.

 

Nobody's Perfect

Lori Zaslow thinks Pele was too hung up on finding a partner with no flaws.

"The love we give away is the only love we keep."
-- Elbert Hubbard

Let me be really clear as I repeat myself:

1. Dating is a game. Love is not.
2. Love is a process. So is our service.
3. To find your soul mate you must be ready to work on YOURSELF. Your flaws are not all loveable, even to your soul mate.
4. A soul mate is also not a PERFECT person. They are someone who brings out your best potential thus leading to a more fulfilling life. Sustaining this relationship for life is typically VERY CHALLENGING.
5. Hence, they do not come wrapped in a little bow on a silver platter ready to personally heal and fulfill all of your unmet needs. You have to GIVE, COMPROMISE, and often SACRIFICE -- happily.
6. Long-lasting love takes hard work and daily maintenance.
7. Everyone has a lot to learn about love.
8. There is more than one someone for everyone.
9. Have the courage and find the strength to GET VULNERABLE for love.
10. When it is real, it's all worth it.

Pele seemed like a ball of charm, wit, and coming from a seed of elite success -- the perfect package. And here we have our first problem. He is critical of others over very little, probably because he thinks the goal in life is to be perfect. Thus he fears getting vulnerable enough to let love reflect back the very thing he needs to learn about to grow and mature -- his imperfections. In this space you just get permanently stuck in a one-sided dead end relationship with yourself and a history of supposedly "not good enough” exes. Shante was exactly what he swore he wanted. What happened to his last "love" so deeply affecting him that she altered his milkshake preferences forever? Horror movies were a hard limit for him? Protective shell -- NO DEPTH. But deep down at the "soul" level, you sense why you are alone and you slowly find it harder to truly love yourself.

Why do we all think we have to be perfect to deserve love? Love is compassion and empathy. It's not only a thing you get, it's also a thing you do -- a verb AND a noun. Remember the Golden Rule?

Brendan's second date with Justine was the perfect example of the "work" paying off. Open, positive, gently self-deprecating, willing to work on his flaws, getting vulnerable, taking a risk, and being more of himself – he showed her what was behind the hilarious and equally protective shell. And the boy becomes a man. According to most women I know, a strong man is someone who can say, "I'm a little nervous," without falling apart or looking like a wuss. Not the smoothest date, but a great match like Justine found him just endearing enough to give him another chance.


Think of the dating game as soul mate training. The rejection, loss, and hurt of the past can heal if you do the work on your path to finding "the one." So, take a deep breath and fall in love. Repeat.