Amanda

Amanda regrets crying in front of the judges.

Mar 23, 2009

Another week, another e-mail telling us we have a photo shoot! We arrive at the location and the photographer of the shoot tells us she wants us to portray a lot of emotion, and that we would be working with a mirror. I know that I have a ton of emotion inside of me so I’m pretty confident that I’ll do really well. I know that I have to rock this shoot because last week everyone thought it was a fluke that I won the photo shoot. I want to prove to everyone that I do deserve to win.

Not to mention there’s a lot of initiative to do well because Nicole told us that the winners could be walking in Montreal Fashion Week!!! I wanted to win sooo bad, it made me even more hungry to know what was at stake. The shoot ended up great, and the photographer even hugged me because she could tell how emotional I was.

Well, it ended up that I won the shoot! That’s twice in a row! I’m so proud of myself! And now I’m going to Montreal!!! Ahhh! This doesn’t seem real at all.

Eight hours later, I’m in Canada and it’s amazing! I’ve never seen anything like it. It’s exactly what you’d expect France to look like.

I go to the casting and end up booking the show to walk in one of the biggest fashion weeks anywhere! This whole experience still feels unreal. After walking in the show, Cory comes backstage and he’d been in the front row watching the show. He said I really surprised him and I looked like a pro. Also, the designer said that he would book me again for his shows! I feel like a real model. I now know that I can actually make it in the real industry. However, when we got back home, everyone in the house was giving me the cold shoulder, like they are jealous that I’ve won the last two photo shoots. It’s definitely really weighing down on me.

At catwalk day, they said they wanted us to be a beautiful freak. I was kind of confused about what they actually wanted us to do, so I kind of went out on the runway like an idiot. Ha! I definitely embarrassed myself. I hope my mom doesn’t watch this episode. However even though I don’t think I did such a great job, I do not think I did what the judges are saying.

The judges said that it looked like cheap porn! That was not my intention at all! I’m a mother, I would never want to portray that. While the judges are talking to me, out of nowhere, I start crying! I think it was everything coming out at once — from the pressures of the whole house, to missing my son, to being yelled at — everything just came rushing out. But I’m not mad it happened, because everyone needs a good cry sometimes. I learned a valuable lesson though: to show no real emotion in front of the judges, and to take their criticism and use it and grow from it. My goal for next week is to try and redeem myself.