Today’s shoot was interesting because it was all about the '60s and I personally don’t know much about that era, but in this industry you have to know how to fake it, and that’s exactly what I did. I also had to pretend that Amanda and I were best friends because she was my partner.
This shoot was a little challenging for me because there were too many people trying to give us directions and I let the commotion distract me and hurt my performance. Towards the end of the shoot I decided to listen only to the photographer and I think that’s when Amanda and I both shined.
As soon as I saw the final photo I fell in love with it. I feel that the relationship between Amanda and myself looked so natural and real and I’m happy about that. Though our picture is a beautiful shot I’m not confident that I’m safe for another week because lately the judges complain about everything I do, say etc.
Finding out that this weeks catwalk is about “Style Wars” I was nervous because I did not want to get stuck with a designer/stylist that did not know what he/she was doing. Also since this week is a double elimination I just expected the catwalk to be about us showing our signature walks or showing the judges what makes us different and special.
I was sitting in the Maybelline New York makeup room praying and trying to control and hide my nerves. I have no idea what I will be wearing on the catwalk so I don’t know how to prepare and get myself in the right attitude. I don’t want to go home today but I’m starting to feel like the odds are against me.
When I was standing on the catwalk being draped in garbage bags and duct tape I started to worry about making it to next week.
My stylist didn’t really have a plan and was pretty much trying to make something out of nothing and it was not working. I was so mad inside because I just kept thinking to myself “This guy is going to send me home.”
And me saying that to myself sealed my fate because all my confidence was gone.
I was not in shock to be standing there in the bottom three because today has been my worst runway ever. I lost myself today and in doing that I lost this competition. I am so mad at myself because today I collapsed under stress and pressure and now I’ve let myself and my family down.
Being the strong person that I am I know I will make it after this competition. I’m going to continue to be strong and proud of who I am and where I come from. I’m going to prove those individuals like Marlan wrong, individuals that see me as less that beautiful and not as a high fashion model. I’m going to reach my dreams and work hard at helping other girls like me turn the dreams into reality.
Leaving this competition is not an end to my modeling career, instead it’s the opening to a new chapter because I’ve learned so much about myself and the industry. I’m walking away today more prepared than I was yesterday. Life is about learning and growing and I am so grateful for this opportunity.