I love modeling. I love creating beautiful pictures and I love setting foot on the catwalk. I love having the ability to make people want to look at me and listen to me. I love the beauty of fashion and I love the escapism it provides for so many people including myself. I love being here and should probably count my blessings even more often than I do. I love and appreciate how fortunate I am to be here doing exactly what I want to do. I love the abilities I've been given and I love the fact that I have the strength to follow through.
I'm proud of myself and the kind of person I am. But I can only HOPE that people truly notice these things about me and I wish that people can see what is real. It's easy to see through things when they are shallow and I hate whatever it is that prevents people from noticing this. I stand strong by my convictions and will never change my self. I remain optimistic through whatever happens to me -- because I would be doing myself an injustice otherwise.
Although I loved this week, I didn't satisfy the panel. It's my job to please them and although I tried my best it just didn't work out for me this week. Looking back at it, I could've done things to improve but at least I learned a lesson for next time. I feel like I'm always trying to learn something or another. There's always room for improvement and that's what I'm trying to do here. I still feel strong in my position but I can't over-express my frustration for my competitors (other than Holly) lack of passion, blatant spitefulness and general awful attitudes toward me, Holly, and the entire competition.
We're not a bunch of dogs fighting over a piece of meat. These boys want it but they want it for the wrong reasons. There smart enough to know how to behave but as soon as the camera turns away, I see their true colors. I can only hope that those watching have as good of a bullshit detector as I do. Watching people get ahead who don't deserve to kills me! But I find solace in the fact that karma finds everybody, good or bad. My defense against all of this is just being who I am and continuing to put all my effort into everything I do.
Life is full of learning curves and this competion has been the biggest one of my life. But there are some things you just know and can feel in the pit of your stomach. I know I was made to do this. I know what I want and what I deserve. This competition was made for me, flaws and all. I want to go on to week eleven and I know I deserve it.