A Hair Raising Season!
Michael takes you inside the best of the best with his very own Miami Social Awards!
WTF FANS??? DID WE NOT BRING THE HEAT BITCHES OR WHAT? I was burning up after watching that. Actually, I was almost ready to cry. That was sort of an emotional experience for me and all of us ‘socials.’ Our lives, just unfolded, just like that. But I’m not going to sit here (like I suspect Katrina or Maria may) and make you read all these life lessons to pick up from Miami Social. I’m here to have fun. With that said, here is my very own Miami Social Awards:
BEST OUCH! MOMENT
MY hair! I know you are wondering why I did it! I just felt like having more hair. Did it hurt? I don’t know! I was uh; a little shall we say, high? Anyway, it was just one of those little self improvement things like going to the gym or seeing my shrink but hello that out tops any surgeries I have ever seen on Bravo!
BEST A*SHOLE INTERVENTION
Katrina and Hardy trying to knock some sense into Ariel. Things didn’t go as planned – as Katrina called it an “uphill battle.” I just loved when Ariel channels Madonna with that British accent thing: “Some people think I’m obnoxious when they first meet me…”
BEST CANDIDATE FOR A BEAUTY MAKEOVER
LINA: NO MORE WHITE EYELINER! PLEASE! IT’S KILLING ME!!! BEST USE OF SUB TITLES
Lina To George: “You’re going to be a Daddy!”
BEST NON-GUEST, GUEST APPEARANCE
Who the hell was Lina talking to on the phone at the end of the show? Her pimp? I am like so confused! And who the hell is Robert? Yet, another boyfriend? What?
BEST LINA INSULTS TO GEORGE
“Jesus, Uptight Ass!”
“You Don’t How to Be a Man!”
“Dick, Just Dick (DEEK)!”
“You’re my biggest hormone!”
Katrina! Show open where she is in that fabulous YSL pump and then she sports that Louboutin when she is showing that pervert Edmundo’s house. Side note: KATRINA please take Lina shoe shopping. I can’t stand the white patent leather shoes anymore!!! HELP US!!!!!
Maria, simply because I love her pink Chanel lipstick. I was going to give this to Katrina but she goes overboard – like how is this girls face always done in the Miami heat? I don’t get it!!!
Hardy, but who cares? Who the hell wears suits in Miami??? No seriously that whole James Bond thing was really genius, but I sweat, and not in that way, looking at him. Katrina could win on this one too – tell me how this girl always is decked out. Heels and a pencil skirt – love that scene on the boat.
BEST TEAR JERKER SCENE
When Maria dropped her daughter off at the airport! Then, when she was driving down the causeway, you could just feel Maria’s emotions.
BEST EX MOMENT
Oh my god, remember when Sorah was in the park with George? When she he’s explaining how he called Lina and the phone went into a French speaking country? Well, the look in Sorah’s eyes was so sad. She just looked at George and said, “I don’t think Lina has ever been honest to you and you two bring out the worst in each other.” That was harsh, uh, but true. Of course, the runner up would be when Ben says to Katrina, “ I can’t wait to get your sh*t out of the house.”
BEST-UNINVITED GUEST ME!
Who can forget when I show up with Maria at George’s party and Lina and I have a fight over Jasmine. That was genius. But Lina, herself is a runner up. I still can’t believe she shows up at Gonzalo's apartment while he and Sorah are cooking a romantic dinner!
I really thought about this one, uh, for less than a minute. AUSTIN !!!!! Best shot of him all season was one I was on the phone with Sorah telling her about Diego and there was this shot of Austin and that cute little face!
BEST EYE ROLL
Hello, I win this. I mean, you remember me planning my birthday party? Afro’s? Blinking things, what????
BEST ‘HARDY PARTY’
Surprise, it was at “the Gans,” when Trixia arrived and grabbed Hardy’s face (like my Jewish grandmother did mine..) and asks, not once, but twice “you like my dress???”
BEST REFERENCE TO MADONNA
My reference was pretty good when I was with Katrina and I was starring at all those dam bracelets and said how “Lucky Star…” But loved when Ariel looks at Hardy’s friend and tells her she looks like Sandra Bernhard and that’s a compliment because she is a friend of Madonna’s! WHAT? FOOL!
BEST EXCUSE FOR NOT GETTING LAID
Katrina! “I’ve been with the same guy for 13-years…” WE GET IT GIRL!!!
BEST ALTER EGO
Oh dude, it’s a tie between “Straight Mike” and “Lina #2”
BEST BESTFRIEND MOMENT
There were a few here! Loved when Maria was holding my hand during BOTH my surgeries. Once, at Lasik and once during my Chia Pet surgery. But, hands down, in the finale when Katrina comes to my house after she signs those divorce papers that was heavy.
BEST USE OF A TEXT MESSAGE
George to Lina: “I’m getting all these text messages saying you had an abortion!” But, that may tie with George writing to Sorah because he needed her after the season finale blowout with Lina and she hits ignore!
BEST OUTFIT STOLEN FROM ‘NYC PREP”
Maria! OMG – who was going to school here you or Anjelika? That was too much the white preppy shirt, the tie and the hot pink lips. Runner up, and I hate having Maria and Lina in the same award, but it’s true, Lina #2 outfit, the plaid cheerleader dress and all….
BEST MOTHER INTERVENTION
I really thought about this one. Now, don’t get me wrong, I love my Campins girls. But Momma Campins, she’s gotta let go of Ben. Then of course there is when George’s mom came to town… When she said, “I didn’t raise my son to be broken.” OUCH, that wins.
BEST USE OF A QUESTION
Lina, that girl asks the funniest questions. She created a tie! When in the season finale George asks his Mom what she thinks of Lina and his Mom is well, sort of dumbfounded. “What do you want your mom to say I’m a bitch?” asks Lina. UM YES! Then, I love when she asks George in Episode five, “What do you think I’m a liar?” UM, YES!!
BEST-PERVERTED MOMENT ON THE JOB
“LET ME SEE YOUR CRACK!”
EWWWW, Who was Ariel’s client? That god-awful underwear designer? I mean seriously. OMG, I felt so awful watching that scene. I actually felt badly for Ariel But least not forget, Katrina’s perverted client, Edmundo when Katrina “apologizes” for coming on a Saturday and he says with his wife around, “looking at you always makes me Saturday.” CREEPY.
BEST USE OF FAILING THIRD GRADE MATH
Ariel talking to me at the Gans: “Half the things you write about are 70% not true.”
BEST “WHATTTTTTT????’ MOMENT
Lina takes it again. I was so confused when Lina was laying in bed and tells George “they lost the baby…God didn’t want it for them.” WHAT? Weren’t you just telling your mom that you were going to head over to the clinic and take some pill? GIRL!
BEST “YOU HEARD ME MOMENT!”
Loved when Katrina was trying on those clothes created by another designer for Ariel’s fashion show. When he was going on and on about how fabulous the clothes were and I said: “Maybe you can pull that bullsh*t with Katrina, but don’t pull it with a Queen!”
BEST USE OF SMOKE AND MIRRORS
Hands down, Ariel’s show. Still, I can’t get over this. Didn’t it go something like this: Welcome to the fashion show – only thing is I didn’t actually design the clothes…
BEST MIAMI SOCIAL DEBATE
Me and Ariel going at it over Kim Kardashian. Remember, I call her a reality whore (I am one too, I get it and accept it) but he’s trying to convince me that she is better than that and she does a lot of charity work. I was like what is your point and that’s when I said, “You Can Still Be A Whore And Do A Lot of Good!”
Speaking of being a whore, I have a lot of things to do. I have to go raise funds for www.thestylelabonline.com. Thanks for all your support and watch those re-runs!!!!!