A Lot of Fireworks

George dishes on Lina, Sorah, and finding an inner "whore."

Well that certainly was quite an episode and with only a week left, there's quite a bit of loose ends to tie up. In particular Sorah voiced her concern with the particular condo that I occupy. We've been trying to sell for over a year and unfortunately very few actual offers have come in and the ones that have weren't even close to what we were asking. The condowas the last legal 'link' between Sorah and I we both wanted to get rid of it, but at the same time I don't want to just give it away. Certainly I can identify with Sorah's concerns as she states this particular property is in her name alone per an agreement we reached when we separated. I realize that it may cause some stress on her relationship as well as mine, but I don't want that to cause a premature or bad financial decision either. I know a lot of people may be able to identify with the stress of selling real-estate in this market, with values declining and buyers in short supply. It does create undue stress. In addition, I know that Sorah's concern with so called damage to the unit or incidents involving Lina really doesn't play into the decision, but rather a way for her to potentially push the point of my 'unhealthy' relationship. Either way the bottom line is I have every intention of selling the unit as soon as a reasonable offer is made, and it really isn't Sorah's decision to make. Nor is it my intention to use the condominium a way to create a link or tie between Sorah and me. I certainly don't like being told what to do or be given ultimatums when it comes to my property and something that I purchased before my marriage to Sorah and have always maintained separately in addition to my other properties.

We got a chance to see a pretty tame yet entertaining 'girls' night out (Katrina, Maria, and Michael-not Mike), and their attempts to find Katrina's "Inner whore," were unsuccessful. As someone who came out of a long term relationship, I can say the rebound usually isn't that quick (especially in the case of a marriage). Far be it for me to entertain the reasoning behind Katrina and Ben's breakup, but I can say that its not reasonable to think that after well over a decade together that either of them would be able to jump back on the horse just like that. There is a need I think to take some time alone (not that you have to become a recluse)  in regards to a romantic relationship. It's nice just to enjoy work, travel, hobbies and good friends. I think that's the healthiest approach. I've approached breakups both ways before and jumping from one relationship into the next never works out in the long run, because it never allows for closure or healing.

Hardy and Ariel both demonstrated their abilities to make things happen. I unfortunately wasn't able to make it to the events due to some  traveling and prior engagements, but was able to catch up with Hardy later that night and was extremely impressed by what he was able to raise for the charity. It speaks highly of Hardy's character and class. In regards to Ariel, I think his fashion show demonstrated his creativity. He's an extremely talented individual and regardless of some of the unfiltered comments and moments he's had prior, and it showed maturity. It also showed that successful people will have success in any undertaking if they put their mind to it. We can all be successful people and should focus on our passions and talents. These guys really showed that this week!

......And last but not least, yes you see Lina and I still trying to make it work. She's no longer pregnant, unfortunately, and told me that a lot of her actions were to evoke more attention from me...well it worked, probably not in the ideal way, but it definitely got my attention. I additionally did take a low key night out with friends while she was out at a work/entertainment function to blow off some steam as I think everyone needs some time to themselves and sometimes you just need to have some fun....I do know with one episode left there are a lot of fireworks left to come including the introduction to my mother. I'm hoping Lina understands and appreciates how important this will be for me if we are ever going to make it together.

I Choose To Be Me

Maria reflects on the season, and offers some words of advice.

Please show me a funny movie. After watching the finale of Miami Social I wanted to weep. Weep so hard that wolfs on an imaginary moon would hear me and come play with me and we can make it into a positive experience instead of the earth shattering, walls sweating in tears, give me 11 pills to take all at ones to kill myself, sweet one.

In one of the previous comments on my blogs a "viewer" asks if that is at all possible to be positive and assertive when life is a total mess and you dont see light at the end of the tunnel. My answer is yes. This is one of the two ways you can work this situation. One we all know. A lot of people follow quitting for real route. And I dont blame them. It is an easier way out. We all are going to die one day. I'd rather die knowing I tried to make my life enjoyable first. Another way (BETTER FOR ME) is to stay positive. To learn to twist your attitude around (it's all in your head, trust me) is by doing things that make us want to smile and that change our moods to the right direction. It's that simple and physical. To try and try and try and try and try. I promise there is always sun after the rain. The same viewer asks if that would have really helped if someone was there to tell me to be positive and assertive and pat me on shoulder in my harder days?

The answer is YES YES YES. I cant stress enough how important it is to have a support system. Please go out there to cafes, libraries, clubs, just go for a walk in a park, join your local photography club (pick a club for the hobby you have),  put an advert online on dating site, reconnect with your friends that live nearby. Do ANYTHING to start communicating with people and build friendships. Go do fun things together that will help you bond and become better friends. Then in the moment when u feel your throat is tightened by fear and all you can think of is that roof of that building across from yours and flying down like a bird if only for 1 minute until you hit it hard, when you feel your heart squeezed with unexplainable turmoil and the need to flush it out of your chest cavity you can reach out to your friend, stalk their doorway if needed and get that pat on shoulder and help. Sometime when your friend feels low and u want to cheer them up by taking them to new art exhibit or buying them a glass of champagne and share, you inadvertently pick your own spirits up.

Having friends is all around good. For you and for them. I am experiencing highs and lows a lot even now and I am far from where I see myself on life's map. It does not however stop me from enjoying myself in everyday simple things. I do still feel lonely and it's even worse knowing Angelika is far away in school. My cats warm my bed when I come home alone after party or a long photo shoot (to answer numerous questions about where you can see more of my work go to my website http://www.marialankina.com) and there are times when I want to "hang my chaps" and just give up. But I am not letting myself. I feel like I always can go for that later, if ever.

I choose to dream big, do my yoga every day, cycle in gym instead of shrink visits, work on my fine art and have my assistant busy with organizing my jet set travels all over the globe plotting the world take over that's OH SO SWEET and hey everyone can enjoy this ride with me! I choose to be me. When I am on a roller-coaster at amusement park, the one that scares the sh*t out of everyone - baby strapped around me and in for a ride that might make their pants wet, I am envisioning myself getting an Oscar on stage in a beautiful gown and you know what I feel? JOY and overlwelming heart warmth , not fear of the construction falling down and my insides splattering on metal railings of it. Power of visualization takes us to incredible heights. TRY IT. Tell me how it works for you.

I feel like there is never going to be a boring 100% calm period in our lives. I am learning to feel grateful for challenge. Whether it is in our jobs or personal relationships. Challenges and difficulties meant to make us grow. Our souls and our hearts. I feel it's not about what the problem is, but how you deal with it. So you learn. Learn to appreciate it and embrace it.

I feel for everyone (my friends) on the show. I feel for Lina and George, they are trying and this is admirable. I wish there was someone to REALLY help them figure it all out. I wonder if we can fully UNDERSTAND each other. I felt frustrated numerous times in my life and relationships where I felt I was from Venus and they were from Mars (book by John Gray) and I really wanted to talk to them using language we both would fully understand. I still do not know if that in fact is a possibility. I am also learning there is not ONE truth — mine of-course, but many. As many as there are people involved in one particular argument (reading my friend's autobiography and learning it on the fly). I wonder why I had to meet this guy just now and not 15 years ago when the realization of multiple truths existence would have saved me so many tears (hey I could use them to add on to the ocean's salt, so global warming would not be a real threat :).  Now I also wonder if I can actually implement this thinking in my life??? Can you ??

I feel for Katrina. I have been asked if I am jealous of her and if that is why I pick on her. I dont think i am jealous. It's just my habit of calling people out on their BS (or what I think is BS) when I see it peek it's ugly face out from under the life's regularity. My kudos for Kat's growing experience. Hey when I was 28 (like Kat now) I made a bunch of mistakes too, that are painful to think of, and boy I am not sure I would want them to be documented in areality TV based way. I really wish more of what's REALLY happening in Kat's head and life was out there. It's a far better learning experience for everyone viewing THAT, then something you can only see when u dig an inch deep.

I feel for Michael. He would do so well just being born a girl in 1950s. He would make an amazing housewife with talent to turn into that bitch in bed and glamourpuss on man's hand at the dare events of the year. But he is born in male's body) hot one albeit :) with receding hair (he is working on it and dont u dare to blame him for it, and PLEASE dont tell him to just shave his head, he will cry in response and hate you forever : ) and he has an amazing six pack. He is smart. And a very talented writer and soon to become a very successful business entrepreneur. I wish for the right investor to cross Michael's path and for the style lab online get wider audience! With the right team put together(in place) and passion (in place) and right investment (?) it will grow to become successful business of helping others to be better themselves.

I feel for Trixia because she can join the "my boyfriends is an asshole" club and that is not where we all want to be. I wish for Hardy to stop playing host in his own life and take charge of it and go for what he wants rather then trying to satisfy other people's needs only and then finding himself unhappy with the way it makes him feel. TRAPPED.

I feel for Ariel but u know what? He will be just fine. Because money can always buy you another session with shrink. And money is what he says he has. So all I can give is peck on a cheek and pat on shoulder and Ariel you can always call me for that :)

I feel for Sorah and wish her to let go. I know how hard it can be and I do not know if that is at all possible. Especially when you live in the same building. But I am sure sooner or later things will settle down in her heart and i am sure that will be the right choice.

I read in LA times this week in interview with Criss Angel: "When we're kids, we sit there and play with mom's brush and pretend it to be an airplane, because we're able to suspend our disbelief. But as we get to be adults, society tells us that's wrong and we have to conform." Please don't ever conform.

We are still here - IT IS SOMETHING. Here is my order for you from the menu of life - MAKE IT COUNT! Check back on me often on me on my website http://www.marialankina.com I have fallen into habit of blogging about what had happened in my life and what I am going through and for some of you it can work as an inspiration to go and get it ! I need your support as much as you need mine. Together we can make this world spin! That's what friends are for.