Cast Blog: #MIAMISOCIAL

Don't Get It Twisted!

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Love Life, Shed Light, and the Rest Will Follow

Incredibly Moved

I Choose To Be Me

A Hair Raising Season!

The Usual Suspects

Man in the Mirror

A Clear Picture

Egos Unmask!

A Lot of Fireworks

What a Ride

Spare the Drama!

A Dreamer and a Fighter

Say My Name, Bitches!

Big Egos and Big Shields

A Little Miracle

All You Need Is Love

Rollercoaster Relationship

I Have A Heart

The Power of the Word

Cutting Up On Lina

Too X-Rated

Going Against The Grain

Crazy Energy

Thinking Big

The Little Lies of Miami Social

Take No Prisoners

A Legend In His Own Mind

Glam Oily Bodies

Work Hard, Play Hard

No Place Like It

Ouch!

Whipped

Proud and Privileged

Don't Get It Twisted!

Find out why Michael isn't so in love with Ariel. Plus, his fave moments of the episode.

Let me get straight to the point. I don’t like Ariel. I used to overlook his grossly inappropriate, juvenile and offensive comments about ugly and fat people. I used to just listen to his insane overrated sense of purpose and know in the back of my head that this is just an insecure formerly overweight child trying to act like an adult. I thought that it was the right thing to do, to support him at his fashion show and put aside our bitch fighting because we were friends. I also thought I would stop pointing out in each episode blog how stupid he really is, because it’s already so embarrassing.

Ariel is really proud of himself because he thinks he pulled off showing us how he can anything he wants to do. And like I said in last night's episode, I was really proud of him for pulling it off, but it was complimenting his avid use of smoke and mirrors.

First of all, who the hell hires a lead designer to make their first ever collection? No one. Because that’s not how it’s done. It would be like me hiring a writer to do my blog (which I suspect Ariel has done because not for one minute could he quote Shakespeare.)

That is the most horrible thing. That you say you are designing a line of dresses and bathing suits and all you have really done is paid some underpaid hungry want to be designer money to make some clothes based on some vague ideas and pages of other people's work you pulled out from a magazine. This you think, is a good example to aspiring fashion designers watching Miami Social? This you think is a good example of how Miami works? This is how you lead by example? This is how you present the city to a national audience?

I mean, watching last night my jaw dropped. There is Katrina in what I swear was the worst dress I have ever seen (it looked like Lina got out her knives too and it looked like something Lina might wear to her secondary job) standing with a crumpled piece of paper in her hand with some BS speech and then she announces that she is actually not wearing a dress designed by Ariel (um, at his own show that she is announcing!) but by that of his lead designer. WHAT ??? WHAT ???? WHAT ????

This is what I mean by smoke and mirrors, if you aren’t paying attention to the details you get caught up in that clap track.

His comments aren’t funny.

Here are a few that have irked me:

“My business plan is actually mathematical in numbers…”

“Doctors are like dentists, right?”

“Bill Gates the Macintosh guy,

”Get the fat girl out of table”

“Hardy I admire you, you even talk to ugly people”

I don’t want friends like this in my life. We all need friends to elevate our minds, be kind and respectful and be there for us on screen and off screen.

When Ariel stops living a life of dillusion and starts acting like an adult,  I’ll think about catching up with him. Until then, girl it’s ‘ova.’

Now let me get on with what was hot, hot, hot this week:

- Lina asking George: “Do you think I’m a liar?” Um, yes? I mean WTF you crazy bitch! You ran around Miami telling people you had an abortion so you could get George's attention? Are you kidding me? And then you go in the bedroom to screw away your problems? Just like that? Like saying you had an abortion and didn’t is so low down dirty. Trixia got it just perfectly when she asked Hardy, “What the f*ck is wrong with that girl?”

- Sad: When Trixia explained her miscarriage. I got upset there for a minute because this is a girl who really does want babies. I know I have poked fun at the way she demands them from Hardy as if he could pick up a few at the nightclub, but deep down inside, she was in pain and she shared. -

Inner Whore: That guy at the club thought I was straight and a swinger? When I brought him over to Katrina, he said, “Your boyfriend wanted me to meet you...” Then Katrina replies, “He plays for the other team…” But if Katrina wanted a threesome, I’d be down for uh, watching…

Don’t go there with me about the t-shirt. It’s a Sonia Rykiel number and I love her stuff.

- Date with Diego: Not so much, huh. First of all I was freaking mortified we were wearing the same outfits, How freaking awful is that? I mean WTF??? This is one problem being gay – looking the same is a freaking nightmare. I’m sorry I am never going on a date again without knowing what the other guy is wearing.

- Grossest Moment of Miami Social Yet: Ariel telling us he is a ‘tiger’ in bed. Now that is vomit-inducing.

- Offensive moment of last night: Ariel asking me if Diego has a “green card?” Like, how rude? And I tend to bet that 99% of the guys he sleeps with don’t have a green card.

- Best Line of The Night: When I was talking about the ‘collection’: “Maybe you can pull that bull*hit on Katrina, but don’t try it with a Queen!” YOU HEARD ME!

- That moment of startling reality. I really am losing my hair. Well, semi lost now, because I dabble with some changes. We will get into it next week.

Speaking of the season finale, brace yourselves. It’s dramatic. You may need a tissue box. I want to thank you all for reading this blog and being fans of the show. I read all of your comments and they are amazing and kind.

Until next week,

M

A Hair Raising Season!

Michael takes you inside the best of the best with his very own Miami Social Awards!

WTF FANS??? DID WE NOT BRING THE HEAT BITCHES OR WHAT? I was burning up after watching that. Actually, I was almost ready to cry. That was sort of an emotional experience for me and all of us ‘socials.’ Our lives, just unfolded, just like that. But I’m not going to sit here (like I suspect Katrina or Maria may) and make you read all these life lessons to pick up from Miami Social. I’m here to have fun. With that said, here is my very own Miami Social Awards:

BEST OUCH! MOMENT

MY hair! I know you are wondering why I did it! I just felt like having more hair. Did it hurt? I don’t know! I was uh; a little shall we say, high? Anyway, it was just one of those little self improvement things like going to the gym or seeing my shrink but hello that out tops any surgeries I have ever seen on Bravo!

BEST A*SHOLE INTERVENTION

Katrina and Hardy trying to knock some sense into Ariel. Things didn’t go as planned – as Katrina called it an “uphill battle.” I just loved when Ariel channels Madonna with that British accent thing: “Some people think I’m obnoxious when they first meet me…”

BEST CANDIDATE FOR A BEAUTY MAKEOVER

LINA: NO MORE WHITE EYELINER! PLEASE! IT’S KILLING ME!!! BEST USE OF SUB TITLES

Lina To George: “You’re going to be a Daddy!”

BEST NON-GUEST, GUEST APPEARANCE

Who the hell was Lina talking to on the phone at the end of the show? Her pimp? I am like so confused! And who the hell is Robert? Yet, another boyfriend? What?

BEST LINA INSULTS TO GEORGE

“Jesus, Uptight Ass!”

“You Don’t How to Be a Man!”

“Dick, Just Dick (DEEK)!”

“You’re my biggest hormone!”

BEST SHOES

Katrina! Show open where she is in that fabulous YSL pump and then she sports that Louboutin when she is showing that pervert Edmundo’s house. Side note: KATRINA please take Lina shoe shopping. I can’t stand the white patent leather shoes anymore!!! HELP US!!!!!

BEST MAKE-UP

Maria, simply because I love her pink Chanel lipstick. I was going to give this to Katrina but she goes overboard – like how is this girls face always done in the Miami heat? I don’t get it!!!

BEST DRESSED

Hardy, but who cares? Who the hell wears suits in Miami??? No seriously that whole James Bond thing was really genius, but I sweat, and not in that way, looking at him. Katrina could win on this one too – tell me how this girl always is decked out. Heels and a pencil skirt – love that scene on the boat.

BEST TEAR JERKER SCENE

When Maria dropped her daughter off at the airport! Then, when she was driving down the causeway, you could just feel Maria’s emotions.

BEST EX MOMENT

Oh my god, remember when Sorah was in the park with George? When she he’s explaining how he called Lina and the phone went into a French speaking country? Well, the look in Sorah’s eyes was so sad. She just looked at George and said, “I don’t think Lina has ever been honest to you and you two bring out the worst in each other.” That was harsh, uh, but true. Of course, the runner up would be when Ben says to Katrina, “ I can’t wait to get your sh*t out of the house.”

BEST-UNINVITED GUEST ME!

Who can forget when I show up with Maria at George’s party and Lina and I have a fight over Jasmine. That was genius. But Lina, herself is a runner up. I still can’t believe she shows up at Gonzalo's apartment while he and Sorah are cooking a romantic dinner!

BEST DOG

I really thought about this one, uh, for less than a minute. AUSTIN !!!!! Best shot of him all season was one I was on the phone with Sorah telling her about Diego and there was this shot of Austin and that cute little face!

BEST EYE ROLL

Hello, I win this. I mean, you remember me planning my birthday party? Afro’s? Blinking things, what????

BEST ‘HARDY PARTY’

Surprise, it was at “the Gans,” when Trixia arrived and grabbed Hardy’s face (like my Jewish grandmother did mine..) and asks, not once, but twice “you like my dress???”

BEST REFERENCE TO MADONNA

My reference was pretty good when I was with Katrina and I was starring at all those dam bracelets and said how “Lucky Star…” But loved when Ariel looks at Hardy’s friend and tells her she looks like Sandra Bernhard and that’s a compliment because she is a friend of Madonna’s! WHAT? FOOL!

BEST EXCUSE FOR NOT GETTING LAID

Katrina! “I’ve been with the same guy for 13-years…” WE GET IT GIRL!!!

BEST ALTER EGO

Oh dude, it’s a tie between “Straight Mike” and “Lina #2”

BEST BESTFRIEND MOMENT

There were a few here! Loved when Maria was holding my hand during BOTH my surgeries. Once, at Lasik and once during my Chia Pet surgery. But, hands down, in the finale when Katrina comes to my house after she signs those divorce papers that was heavy.

BEST USE OF A TEXT MESSAGE

George to Lina: “I’m getting all these text messages saying you had an abortion!” But, that may tie with George writing to Sorah because he needed her after the season finale blowout with Lina and she hits ignore!

BEST OUTFIT STOLEN FROM ‘NYC PREP”

Maria! OMG – who was going to school here you or Anjelika? That was too much the white preppy shirt, the tie and the hot pink lips. Runner up, and I hate having Maria and Lina in the same award, but it’s true, Lina #2 outfit, the plaid cheerleader dress and all….

BEST MOTHER INTERVENTION

I really thought about this one. Now, don’t get me wrong, I love my Campins girls. But Momma Campins, she’s gotta let go of Ben. Then of course there is when George’s mom came to town… When she said, “I didn’t raise my son to be broken.” OUCH, that wins.

BEST USE OF A QUESTION

Lina, that girl asks the funniest questions. She created a tie! When in the season finale George asks his Mom what she thinks of Lina and his Mom is well, sort of dumbfounded. “What do you want your mom to say I’m a bitch?” asks Lina. UM YES! Then, I love when she asks George in Episode five, “What do you think I’m a liar?” UM, YES!!

BEST-PERVERTED MOMENT ON THE JOB

“LET ME SEE YOUR CRACK!”

EWWWW, Who was Ariel’s client? That god-awful underwear designer? I mean seriously. OMG, I felt so awful watching that scene. I actually felt badly for Ariel But least not forget, Katrina’s perverted client, Edmundo when Katrina “apologizes” for coming on a Saturday and he says with his wife around, “looking at you always makes me Saturday.” CREEPY.

BEST USE OF FAILING THIRD GRADE MATH

Ariel talking to me at the Gans: “Half the things you write about are 70% not true.”

BEST “WHATTTTTTT????’ MOMENT

Lina takes it again. I was so confused when Lina was laying in bed and tells George “they lost the baby…God didn’t want it for them.” WHAT? Weren’t you just telling your mom that you were going to head over to the clinic and take some pill? GIRL!

BEST “YOU HEARD ME MOMENT!”

Loved when Katrina was trying on those clothes created by another designer for Ariel’s fashion show. When he was going on and on about how fabulous the clothes were and I said: “Maybe you can pull that bullsh*t with Katrina, but don’t pull it with a Queen!”

BEST USE OF SMOKE AND MIRRORS

Hands down, Ariel’s show. Still, I can’t get over this. Didn’t it go something like this: Welcome to the fashion show – only thing is I didn’t actually design the clothes…

BEST MIAMI SOCIAL DEBATE

Me and Ariel going at it over Kim Kardashian. Remember, I call her a reality whore (I am one too, I get it and accept it) but he’s trying to convince me that she is better than that and she does a lot of charity work. I was like what is your point and that’s when I said, “You Can Still Be A Whore And Do A Lot of Good!”

Speaking of being a whore, I have a lot of things to do. I have to go raise funds for www.thestylelabonline.com. Thanks for all your support and watch those re-runs!!!!!

M