Cast Blog: #MIAMISOCIAL

Say My Name, Bitches!

Default image

Love Life, Shed Light, and the Rest Will Follow

Incredibly Moved

I Choose To Be Me

A Hair Raising Season!

The Usual Suspects

Man in the Mirror

A Clear Picture

Don't Get It Twisted!

Egos Unmask!

A Lot of Fireworks

What a Ride

Spare the Drama!

A Dreamer and a Fighter

Big Egos and Big Shields

A Little Miracle

All You Need Is Love

Rollercoaster Relationship

I Have A Heart

The Power of the Word

Cutting Up On Lina

Too X-Rated

Going Against The Grain

Crazy Energy

Thinking Big

The Little Lies of Miami Social

Take No Prisoners

A Legend In His Own Mind

Glam Oily Bodies

Work Hard, Play Hard

No Place Like It

Ouch!

Whipped

Proud and Privileged

Say My Name, Bitches!

Michael reveals "straight Mike!" Plus, his favorite moments!

Let me take you back really quick to the origin of “Mike.” When I was in college (American University in Washington D.C.) I was in a fraternity. I swear. It was called ZBT (Zeta Beat Tau). I’m not sure how that happened, it just did. It was mostly rich Jewish boys from Long Island and New Jersey. Really nauseating, I know. People would make fun of us and call us ‘Zillions, Billions and Trillions” and “Zany Bagel Throwers.”

Anyway, I was ‘Social Chair’ (surprise) and I would throw the parties. Everyone would call me ‘Mike’ – I never called myself that. I just went with the flow. Call me whatever you want; just don’t call me ‘Mikey’ that’s reserved for my mom and people really, really close to me.

So one night my friend Jamie (another confusing name, but she is a girl) was over and she’s reading a Facebook message from an old college friend of mine who titled the note, “WHAT’S UP MIKE?”

“Who the hell is Mike,” she asked? “That was my straight name in College,” I told her. She started hysterically laughing and so did I – it was a great moment. The kind where you think you just might pee in your pants.

Since then it has been one of those really funny jokes so when Katrina got momentarily confused regarding the baseball hat, which I have always liked wearing even when I had Farah Fawcett hair (may she Rest In Peace) I thought I would share the joke.

Now, ‘Mike’ would never, ever get upset that his t-shirt was covered in wine, right dude? But ‘Michael’ would and he definitely has lots of Tide pens at home.

But I really do have two sides. Mike wears baseball hats and doesn’t care if his home is messy. Mike drinks beer and not martinis and likes to hang out at dive bars not attend high-brow bashes. He puts cigarette buts out in old Starbucks cups and skips using his Baccarat ashtray. Mike goes to basketball games (Michael watches their packages bounce up and down the basketball court) and Mike could easily pick Ariel up by his flat ass and throw him off the roof of the Gansevoort.

Some days, I am right down the middle, and that would be ‘Mikael.’ Yes, it’s the name morphing game just like we do with celebrities. Now I can join Tom and Katie a.k.a ‘Tomkat’ and Brad and Angelina in ‘Brangelina’ land but this would mean I am dating my alter ego and that is really sick.

But get this -- ‘Mikael’ is actually a name and it’s a Hebrew one at that. It means, ‘Gift From God,’ but at the risk of sounding like a narcissistic egomaniac like Ariel, we will skip.

Let me get back to Michael, because that’s who writes this blog:

Okay, here we go on my fave moments:

“I’m Pregnant,” Version One.

Hi! Did anyone notice George only blinked once? That’s how shocking the news was -- his facial muscles paralyzed in fear. What? Are you sure? You take a blood test? What? Who? Me? Daddy? What? My baby? You sure? Really? Wow!

So where did this baby go? I know all of you have sneaky suspicions. Here are the possibilities and I am making this multiple choice bitches not fill in the blank because this isn’t Watergate.

a)  Lina left it at the Gansevoort
b)  Lina took that pill she talked about with her mom
c)  Lina was never pregnant
d)  Lina’s theory: God didn’t want this for them and she had a miscarriage

Please, note your answer in viewer comments. I am dying to hear what everyone thinks!

ONE MORE THING: Ladies, please never put a baby pacifier in red velvet cake. It looked more like George found a tampon!!!

“I’m Pregnant,” Version Two.

That would be when Ariel disrupts the flow of everyone’s conversation at the Gansevoort (again). Remember, when he tells everyone he has a ‘big announcement’ to make? That’s when I slink down and say with a shrill what I am sure he is going to announce:

“I’m Pregnant!!!”

Well, he isn’t pregnant either. I love when he just tries to give me a dirty look. Honestly, one of these days Michael will bitch slap him or Mike will knock him out. I have a feeling if I really wanted to I could put that table flipping Teresa from RHNJ or those RHATL to shame with their physical antics.

Okay, so what else happened? Did Katrina show any real estate? I can’t remember. Did Trixia ask for babies or a ring or something? I can’t remember but this all seems like it must have happened because Katrina shows homes and Trixia wants something in every episode.

Oh, Maria and I had Lasik. That was so easy. Sharing that experience with my girl was amazing. Maria has an amazing touch and thank god she was holding my hand, she made everything that much more safe. If you are thinking of Lasik, just do it. If you want me to recommend my doctor let me know. Also, a lot of you are emailing me at www.iammichaelcohen.com and asking about my furniture, art and all those fabulous things. This isn’t the place for me to hock other people’s brands – just my own: www.thestylelabonline.com