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Cuckoo for Cocoa

Martyn confronts his chocolate addiction and ponders the hand-washing habits of the rich.

By Martyn Lawrence Bullard

The show this week is hilarious, and fortunately saved from decorating doldrums by the mad and delicious fandangling of Kathryn Ireland and I in an episode that is not to be believed.

It highlights my crazy chocolate addiction that I have had for so, so long, and also my hunt to lose weight -- which I could only imagine was gained by the chocolate feast I have been consuming nightly for years.

I engage in convincing my marvelous client, Paul McKenna, the world's most famous hypnotist, to help me stop my chocolate fervor by promising to decorate for him in exchange. Paul, an absolute genius self-help guru, some how works his wonder on me -- despite my naughty partner in crime, Kathryn, trying her very best to make me continue this indulgence of all things cocoa-infused.

Jacqueline, Kathryn's long-time, trusted housekeeper is beyond mad, with her cooking skills being tested during one of our impromptu dinners, while incomprehendably telling tales of her own evenings plans with Italian lotharios. It seems so hard to believe that Kathryn has such a wondrous character working for her, but it is totally true.

Meanwhile Mary McDonald, the splendid decor-atrix also has her patience tested while she tries to create a chic interior for her soon to be divorced clients guesthouse and comes up against all sorts of disturbances from her over-zealous assistant.

Jeffrey Allan Marks works to complete a three year project in la Jolla that has beautiful Mediterranean bones and carefully creates a dream palace for his clients, whilst convincing them that rich people don't need large sinks as they just don't get their hands dirty. . .but surely one imagines counting all their money must leave some hideous residue on their fingers that needs to be soaped away?

Nate Turner whips up an oceanside Moorish interior for his client while encountering all sorts of trials and tribulations. His client becomes irritated trying to clean up her home whilst not wanting to play by Nathan's rules or understanding the integrity of aged tiles that he proposes to anchor his designs. He, of course, with his Boho taste manages to create a haven for her in the end...and like all good Million Dollar Decorators he pulls off the billion-dollar look!

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