Cast Blog: #MDL

Episode 2: Welcome to Bizarro World

Episode 9: Closing Time

Stunning, Sleek, and Sexy

A Shared Vision

No More Drama

Episode 8: Flagg Day

Be Yourself

Out and Proud

Million Dollar Soap Opera

Episode 7: Welcome to Heatherbreak

Just Because I'm Gay...

Unsolved Mysteries

You be the Judge

Episode 6: Madison, Turn Off the Dark

My Autobiography

The Wow Factor

Pleasure Principle

Episode 5: Real Estate Love in This Transgender Club

A Great Challenge

Dating in Public

Showdown: Round One

Episode 4: Think Outside the Lease

In Defense of Gimmicks

Game Time

Melons and Money

Episode 3: The Haves and the Have Nots

Learn from the Best

On to the Next

Double Your Pleasure

I Vant the Car

Million Dollar Mitzvah

Take the Bottle and Run

Best in the Biz

Time to Shine

Saved by the Ding Dong

What A Journey!

My Love Life?

The Season Finale!

Talk is Cheap in the BU

I'm Gay ... Who Cares?

Be Who You Are

Episode 2: Welcome to Bizarro World

Wherein agents ignore their phones, fail to close, and get stalked by seagulls.

WHAT IS GOING ON HERE, THERE IS A BLACKBERRY RINGING IN FRONT OF AN AGENT AND HE IS NOT PICKING IT UP.   Is this real?  Did I just see what I saw?

Something is going on here. Something big, and the shocking revolt against phone slavery is just the beginning. Episode 2 of Million Dollar Listing has the agents working for free, desperately trying to rid themselves of multimillion-dollar deals, and being stalked by seagulls. And once again, there is a notable shortage of closings—so much so that it’s almost time to start worrying. Especially if you’re like me, and you have a bet with the warden about how much property the boys will move this season (I feel two more months of kitchen duty coming on).

Okay, so the agent who doesn’t pick up the phone is Josh Altman—the Fourth Season’s new addition, and Chad’s successor. Josh A.’s hair may not occupy as much space, but he’s got a big presence of his own—he wears nothing but suits, has roped his best friend into being his personal assistant, and carries a Donald Trump doll around in his Escalade pickup.

(See photos from this week's episode.)

He’s also something of a radical, at least as far as super-agents go. Right after he allows himself to miss a call, his mother convinces him to take on a listing for no commission. Thank God he does, because the owner of the property is Ruth, a nonagenarian who is almost certainly the single best client in the history of the show. She’s endlessly sweet, instantly agrees with Josh’s asking price, and then takes the reasonable first offer without a fuss. She also has a crazy pink dragon rug. Josh handles everything sweetly, too, and while the first episode suggested he had some villainous undertones, I’m not convinced yet. He does make a serious mistake by leaving bestfriendpersonalassistant Mikey alone at the broker’s open: That’s the kind of thing you do and suddenly all of Los Angeles has burned down. But somehow, it works out this time.

Meanwhile, the pressure of trying to sell Monet’s overpriced orange Civic Center is getting to Josh Flagg. When he’s giving a private tour to a rich fiancée and she notices some “Versace” plates, he immediately corrects her: “Nope, Fauxsace.” Man, why not just carry around a big hammer and whenever someone compliments something, say, “Oh, you like this? Well how do you like it now (SMASH)?”  

(Revisit this week's properties and rate them all.)

But Josh knows he’s not going to get the price Monet is asking.  And Monet refuses to reduce it, so Josh is lashing out a little bit. Is Monet acting foolishly? I think he is. But cut him a little slack: He’s now 171 years old, if I’m not mistaken and he’s made some wonderful contributions to painting.  But maybe Josh F. doesn’t like impressionism.  Eventually, his co-listing agent Todd finds someone foolish enough to buy the Universal Studios Theme Park-style monstrosity. The deal is for two million less than the asking price, but it allows Monet to stay on as a co-owner of the property, so he can still make money from a sale in the future. This is the kind of atypical deal Josh Flagg usually shines in, but in the “Bloodbath of Rodeo Drive,” Monet nixes it, and it seems that Josh and Todd are going to walk away.

And Madison? Well, it’s hard out there for a Madi-pimp. As always, he’s stuck with the scariest client: This time, it’s Ismir, a businessman/Bond villain who like all good Bond villains has a habit of trying to destroy our hero at all times. Ismir also has an odd conception of markets: When he sees a car he likes at the bachelor pad he’s touring, the only way he can imagine getting it is having it written into the deal for the house.  Man, Madison had better remember to write food into the deal—if he doesn’t, Ismir might starve.  

Madison would be less stressed if he had something to take his mind off his insane clients. Basically, if he doesn’t hook up with somebody soon, I’m worried he’ll do something rash. It’s clearly on his mind, because he’s suddenly speaking almost exclusively in innuendo. He even enlists the help of a local hippie-lady to come by his totally empty house and dangle a prism around while two evil seagulls peck on his windows. Apparently, this is going to help him find someone to love. Whatever works, right?

So, there you have it. As I said, these first two episodes have not been closing heavy, by any means. I think they’ll get a better handle on the market soon (if anyone can do it, these guys can). But if they can’t, here’s a proposal: fly to Boston, bring back Ruth, and team her up with Josh’s grandmother. I have a feeling they’ll know just what to do to whip these youngins into shape. Joshes, Madison... you’ve been warned.  

Oh, and I also have to hand out this episode’s Nasty Crack Den Award. As you may recall, “nasty crack den” is a term Madison and Josh Flagg coined last season to describe a particularly dire listing, and it is my duty to see that it is never forgotten. This episode’s Nasty Crack Den Award goes to the Houdini mansion where Madison meets Ismir. Yeah, yeah, yeah, really obvious, right?  Pick the wacky house that has a coffin-pool. But here’s the thing: as I was watching I suddenly realized that multiple things in the house were from that inflight catalog Skymall. Somebody, some living, thinking being, bought something from Skymall.  

Please pray for the human race. 

Stunning, Sleek, and Sexy

Josh gushes about his listing and gives his side of the Heather situation.

What a great episode! Everyone made sales. Great way to end the season.

I absolutely love the house on Mulholland Drive. It's one of those homes that is just so cool, I'd want to live in it personally! This home is stunning, sleek, and sexy perched atop the prestigious Mulholland Drive. That listing appointment was very tense. The owner, Rick, has impeccable taste and is a very smart and discerning seller. I loved Mikey's musical number, and I think it added a certain vibe to the open that helped it stand out. You've got to admit, the kid has a good voice.

I think at this point it's evident that Heather is definitely making the right choice to stay with me, despite Madison's insecurities about his inability to control her. Heather is too smart to let Madison hold her back, and he doesn't give her the respect she deserves. Madison clearly cannot seem to draw the line between professionalism in a working relationship with Heather and his personal dislike for me. It's too bad that he is still unsure about his future in real estate and what it holds for him. Heather deserves the best, and that's why she left with me.

As for me? I feel as though I'm in the zone and nothing can stop me. As you would expect, this has been an unbelievable year for me in my business as well as my personal life! I am so very thankful for all the emails and phone calls full of love and support from my fans. With all this exposure I’m very excited about what this next year will bring for me and feel that I am more than ready for what’s to come. Maybe even a book… Keep following me on Twitter @theJoshAltman and on Facebook at Josh Altman or check out our website with all the hottest listings on at www.theAltmanBrothers.com as well as booking speaking engagements and co-listing. Again thank you for watching, see you soon!