Million Dollar Recaps

Tantrums, caviar, and assistants all around.

Feb 18, 2011

I would have accepted Josh Altman even if he hadn't been as talented as Madison or Josh F.—three seasons of being unable to solve the mystery of what powered Chad's hair had left me weary. But this house is proof that he can hold his own, and more, when it comes to listings.

And he's a trendsetter when it comes to assistants. A Mikey-style assistant/personal servant/best friend wasn't something anybody knew they needed until Josh A. came along. But all of a sudden, Madison has added this awkward, red polo-ed cookie-attendant to his stable, and Josh F. has hired a blonde set of twins. I'm going to have to wait to pass any judgment on them—especially because I hear there's an assistants fight club in episode five—but I have high hopes for some good weirdness out of the bunch. 

This episode also features the best sneaky insult I've ever heard: when Madison's friend Shelly realizes he doesn't like the guy she's trying to set him up with, she says, "Okay, I don't know him that well, and I think he's great... but I think he’s worth one date." He's great BUT he's worth one date?  Absolutely outstanding. 

Now – the Nasty Crack Den Award. This episode's Nasty Crack Den Award will be shared by two properties – Madison's beachfront in Malibu and Josh F.'s listing with Elizabeth and Farshad. Madison's listing is fine inside but looks like a stack of dirty Styrofoam cups outside. Josh F.'s looks like it was decorated by Delia's. And both have descriptions, like the "drawbridge to the beach" (aka trash hatch for convenient ocean disposal) and "imported Italian kitchen." Better luck next time, my boys.