Million Dollar Recaps

Heather has a plan, but Madison is having none of it.

Mar 10, 2011

As a natural-born Madison fan, this was an especially chilling installment of Million Dollar Listing, one that shook me to my very foundation. Why? Because our hero gets... sort of... mean.

Who is this Dark Madison, and what has he done with the walking beam of sunlight that usually moves in his space? It was enough to jar loose a tear or two. But luckily, I'm not the only one. A ton of people cry in this episode. Well, pretty much… you don't always see the tears. But as a life-long teary guy, I know the signs of people who want to cry.  (Luckily, there was a kid in my grade who cried even more often than I did, so he was considered the official crybaby. I was thought of more as the sensitive wimp.)

But we've got to deal with this Madison business immediately — and the Joshes are going to have to take the backseat this week. Things actually start out pretty well for Madison. He quickly gets an offer on his co-listing with Lydia. At $775,000, it's 25 percent lower than the asking price, and even less than that house Chad sold last season that was basically one room full of dead rats. But it's a start.

(What do you think? Rate all of this week's properties.)

However, it does mean he has to go talk to Scary Julian. He and Lydia strategize about how to do it without having Julian turn into a ball of angry fire. Realizing this is impossible, they slip on their flame-retardant suits and head out to the conference room. Julian is waiting there, talking on his phone – presumably with angry banks. They break the news to him and...

He almost starts to cry. Don't worry — he still gets pissed and starts making the kinds of threats that might otherwise inspire a police investigation. But his voice quivers a little, he can barely maintain eye contact, and he starts involuntarily tapping away at the table. He screams over the phone at the agent bringing the offer, telling her not to let her "cheap ass buyer" make any more offers, and to instead go live "down in the rat hole" of central LA.

Which reminds me: LA is kind of ugly, right? When people are being shown houses with views of the city, like, "And you also have this amazing view of the city," I always expect them to say, "Okay, well, clearly we're going to have to erect a massive wall so we don’t see any of this."

The deal is off, it seems – the buyer won't go to Julian's number and he storms out. Now it's Lydia's turn to cry. But there are scarier Madison-related things yet to come.