Going out on a first date is easy. You can go out on 20 first dates and pretend, “OK, I’m putting myself out there,” and never fully commit to opening yourself up. First date, smirst date. It’s the third and fourth and fifth dates that are most impressive; it takes moxy to show you’re brave enough to find true love. You have to take a risk to put yourself out there, knowing that you may very well get rejected by someone. Otherwise, don’t complain that you’re the serial dater who never gets a meaningful relationship but goes out on a bunch of first dates until you’re 50 and you’ve never been married. There’s nothing that brave about a first date. Talk to me after the third. That’s when things start getting interesting.
Commitment-phobes and control freaks, hear me now. You MUST come to peace with showing a little vulnerability at some point or you WILL NOT find true love. Sorry, folks, there’s no way around it, even if you think you are clever enough to pull it off. Believe me, I’ve tried. I know how uncomfortably terrifying it is to open yourself up to someone and not be in control of whether that person might hurt you. It’s a chance all of us have to take, but my message is clear: we can still accomplish this, without handing over our full hearts and risking our self-esteem to someone we just met. You’ve got to have a strong enough self-esteem before you start dating. From there, it’s all about setting the pace, trusting yourself, and enjoying the possibilities that are in front of you. Then you are in control. So stop trying to control everything else. You can’t, and in the end, who the hell wants to? Is that any fun?
Ms. Amy, You are so relatable and adorable, thank you for putting yourself out there. Now, Lewis... I think he is use to setting the pace and the rules. He stewed over the whole texting thing and wanted to put you in your place for the sake of his ego. He is not use to going toe to toe with a beautiful girl like you. He came across to me as very narcisstic. There are women who would swallow their last ounce of self esteem to go out with good-looking men and put up with their bad behavior . Thank you for setting the boundary and it's you who came out on top. Cheers!
OK, so I wrote something a reply that did not appear, so I'm writing again. "Lewis" did NOT dump you. You freaked out and bolted. ("OMG, are you DUMPING ME? Don't answer that! I'm FLEEING!") If he wanted to dump you, he would have sent you a text, not waste his time meeting up with you for a 3rd date. He wanted to give things another shot, but obviously, he was still contending with the drama that you unexpectantly dropped on him during your second date. Then for the 3rd date, instead of keeping your composure when he raised the issue again, you turn nutty, and it was after that point that he "checked out". He would have texted you later for the dump, but you "jumped the gun" in the diner. So instead of him telling his friends that he met a great girl and things were not a match, he is now telling his friends about the crazy girl who had a meltdown and bolted. You need to LIGHTEN UP!
"Lewis" was not going to break up with you. Men are not like that. They don't set up a date to dump you. He could have easily texted you and avoided all of the drama. Expressing your annoyance in such a hostile way was a turn off, but he obviously felt some attraction toward you to try a 3rd date. OK, so you see that he has a hard time letting things go, but I'm sure that it didn't help that you practically scolded him about the issue, so no doubt, he went home and thought about it all. Even after all of that, he was willing to give you another chance. You should have just said something funny to blow it off, apologize, and lighten up the tone. He obviously felt that he needed HIS moment to vent since you took your moment to do so at the salsa club. Keep in mind that men are very sensitive, so no doubt that when he brought up the issue again, it was just his way of actually saying that his feelings were hurt and he wanted to do tit-for-tat since you crashed the second date with your rantings. When he saw that you went back to being in a foul mood, he obviously made up his mind in that moment that he was done, BUT it was NOT pre-planned and I DON'T think he was going to even dump you right then. If you watch yourself on the show, it was actually YOU that blurted out all of a sudden from nowhere "OMG, ARE YOU DUMPING ME??". Then, you bolted, and so, yes, he was done. More than likely, if you had just held yourself together and tried to be charming, you would have spared yourself from supposedly getting "dumped" by him on TV. He would have instead done the "guy thing" and would have sent you a text the next day. He DIDN'T dump you. YOU bolted. You lost composure and your emotions went wild. Now, instead of him telling his friends that things just didn't work out with a great girl, you've instead given him a lifetime story about some "crazy chick" who ran out of a diner.
I think you should call Lewis and apologize. I think your weekend and your encounter with that woman should give you some introspection about yourself. While the date with Lewis I'm sure took a lot longer than what we saw, the time we did view showed you as a very uptight person who can't look at herself, take a step back and say yes maybe he's right, right now. Not saying that you are those things he said, but during those moments with him, I think he revealed some things about you and quite obviously it upset you.
So even though that's how you were acting at that time, you weren't comfortable, you got defensive and felt the need to leave. You weren't happy being called out, no one likes to be called out and were feeling it during your date with Lewis.
I don't think that he called you on a 3rd date to shut things down between you two. It looks like as things progressed and you became more agitated that he put the brakes on to tell you that it's not a good idea to move forward.
I think he's totally cute for you and that you should try reaching out to him. Don't divulge too much in your apology, but tell him that he was right in calling you out and leave it at that. Tell him that you'd like to remain on friendly terms and make an excuse to see him again by telling him that you want to fix him up with someone that's the opposite of all the things he said about you.
If you get the opportunity to see him again, be relaxed and be yourself. Don't set any expectations about the two of you and just be light about things. I'd love to see you and Lewis again on the show.
Good luck with things. :)
The girl who hired and then fired you on tonight's episode was rude ,classless and tactless. However, your behaviour was not exemplary either, especially for a public setting. You should have acted more professionally when she accused you and said it was for private and not public. You almost enabled her continued bad behaviour during more of the evening. When she yelled at you to clean the floor up, you should have said that you are restraining from calling the police on her and pressing charges for assault on her since it was she who grabbed your arm and thus caused your drink to spill. At least that is what the camera angle looked like. You should have asked her to leave sooner since her loud behaviour was inappropriate there. Also you do not tell a guy on the first date that you will not sleep with him that date. A lady does not say such things nor does she need to. Her actions show it and a guy will treat her accordingly. You seem to desperate and rigid otherwise.
Amy, I used to freak out and worry and chew guys out for not calling me and then wonder what I did wrong....it wasn't until I made a conscious effort to stop that I met the man who turned out to be my husband. On our second date my now husband stood me up, texting me to tell me he couldn't make it. My first inclination was to call or send an email to ream him out but, I literally forced myself not too (deleting all his contact info from my phone so that I could not go down that road). The next day he called me and offered a sincere apology and a legitimate reason why he couldn't come. I took him at his word and accepted his apology. I really liked the guy and by then I had learned from experience that giving him the third degree would only scare him off. I didn’t tell him I had really wanted to b**ch him out until much later when our relationship got serious. He said, “I’m glad you didn’t or I would never have seen you again.” We laugh about it now. Men smell insecurity like dogs smell fear and they don't like it. Pull yourself together girl! If I can figure this out before the age of 30 with no professional match making experience, it should be no problem for you. You can turn over a new leaf if you want it bad enough. Good luck!
All three of you are a hot damn mess. I've given this show a shot, but when you reacted as you did over the girl who hired you, in a public situation. Just........wow. That was mind bogglingly tactless, and really revealed the sad extent of your insecurity. Pitiful to watch.
Lighten Up! You freak out because you didn't get a call/text soon enough. Really? Really?
Is this really the advice you give? "When a man doesn't text you for 48 hours, be sure to exhibit an insecure, whining rant to your date the next time you see him. That'll engage them."
Fact is, you missed all the obvious signs. He tries to tell you he has no 'fashion sense' and you cut him off. He told you several times, that your 'hissy fit' of the previous date 'bothered him." He said it several times, and for some silly reason, you ignored what he was saying, and now you are all appear all shocked and weepy that you were dumped. Really? Frankly, I am surprised he even showed up at the diner to meet with you.
Lewis acted appropriately and you did not, and for that, you paid the price.
Next time, try to admit your faults, listen to your dates when they are talking, and stop with the insecurity -- it only hurts you in the end. No one else.
If you were really truly looking for someone special, wouldnt you follow your own rules? You always see your clients get married because they followed your rules.
I completely agree with Bravofan66. Lewis seems like a great guy who is mature beyond his years, and he plans adorable, fun dates, and at the salsa club he was clearly (rightfully) annoyed to be given a "talking to" on a second date for not texting in two days (or was it one?). He was nice enough to apologize to diffuse the situation, but clearly all he really wanted and needed was for you to say, "Oh my God, you're right! I went a little crazy, huh? I guess it was because I like you, but you're right, that was ridiculous and I'm so embarrassed I brought it up!" I believe he went on the third date (maybe ready to break up) but mostly wanting to give you one more chance to admit you were wrong -- and when you couldn't do that, the date was over for him. When he said, "Do you ever admit you're wrong?" it was clear to viewers that's all he needed. Then you could have had your burger (with bun), showed him you could laugh about yourself (and consume calories without having a dialogue about it), and things might have gone differently. I'm all for being yourself, but men don't want to get into trouble on a second date, they want to have fun. That doesn't mean you shouldn't protect your heart or talk openly about things that make you upset, but you have to be able to laugh about your behavior when you overstep. And you overstepped. Do you still not see that? I feel like if you could see that, and laugh about it, you would find love! Just learn to laugh at yourself (not berate yourself, but laugh) and I believe you will find the love you deserve!
hopeful_romantic "Then you could have had your burger (with bun), showed him you could laugh about yourself (and consume calories without having a dialogue about it), and things might have gone differently." This is HY-sterical. You got it right on the money. Making a big deal about having whip cream on her hot chocolate. Gurl, PUH-leeze. Does she not see how neurotic she is?
Let me start first by apologizing for providing an unsolicited advice as I don’t know you enough, so I am just basing feedback/advice on watching you on the show; my advice is a friendly one though.
Please relax and try to release control and stop being so up-tight. I get your point about not wanting to dating younger, but if you do decide to date younger then do NOT go on the date and be so condescending and up-tight, you might not have meant to be condescending/up-tight, but that is how you came across, it is definitely NOT pleasant. I don’t know if Lewis is a great guy or jerk, but you didn’t even give the whole thing a chance. You need to relax, listen more and be less of a control person. Good luck to you, I wish you the best.
T from San Fran
i was SO IN SHOCK by that date as well. I honestly felt for you. I could feel that Lewis was giving off the "thinks he's too hot for you" vibe but I was sooo shocked he would dwell on the whole text thing. I think he's just used to getting things his way and didn't like a strong woman telling him what to do. uggghhh. you'll find someone better don't worry.
I was sorry to see what happened between you and Lewis. One small thing that I noticed that could be a turn off on a date, was when you asked him if your sweater looked okay and if it was too sparkly. (or something to that effect)
Amy, I am not quite sure why you went out with Lewis a second or third time. As a professional matchmaker I'm sure you can read the signals and see the red flags better than the rest of us. You broke your own rule by calling him first- which is a no-no. We as wise women know that the reason why you wait for a man to call is to gauge his interest in you. To make matters worse, he didn't text either!! Now, those would have been signs to me that "he's just not that into you". Although from what I saw on camera he didn't seem as nearly invested as you seemed (in the dates). Another smart girl rule is to be easy-breezy, go with the flow and just see where things end up. Not to put your heart into a guy so early on, so that if things don't go well by date 3, you can just easily move on. I think you fell for him a bit too fast.
Well, I am hoping that you had a chance to watch yourself from your matchmakers point-of-view to analyze where things may have gone wrong and how you can improve next time. More than anything, learn from your experiences and be more careful with your heart the next time around.
Each person comes with baggage from past experiences. Some men like to take time to call after a few initial dates which drives us females nuts. Lewis may have had similar dates that made him react to your situation or someone confronted him with deadline issues that very day at work Sometimes we have to bite our tongues and be patient. Lewis may have felt you were attempting to control him, plus being filmed during a date puts a stressor into the mix..
Amy, maybe it would help to lighten up a bit. I know we're only seeing edited versions of your dates but on each one you seemed extremely stiff and almost defensive right off the bat. I know you're the "expert" but it is my experience that guys like a girl who is confident and fun loving. Making a huge deal about drinking a hot chocolate was actually pretty embarrassing, not to mention the way you acted about him not texting you. Not only will this uptight behavior probably not help you in the love department, but I can't see it helping your business either. I can't imagine people are going to be lining up to get dating advice from you after seeing this.
watching last nights episode' i think amy was falling for the make beleive person she made up in her mind' the guy yes was cute' but was no way a match for her.... She also has a lot of quirks that are not party of anyones norms' once she figures that out im sure she will be fine!
Amy, keep your chin up! You're a beautiful, well-dressed, successful business woman who was just cast to a hit TV show on the most watched channel on cable! "Don't lose your head, Augustus!"
Dating is flat out hell for those of us who are sensitive. Here are a few tips I've picked up along my 15 year journey:
1. Men like women who are are fun, fuss-less, and a pleasure to be around ALL THE TIME.
2. If he isn't smitten from the moment you meet, you may not ever receive what you dream he'll give you. Doesn't mean there's a thing you should change about yourself. If something needs to be changed, it's the "him".
3. No man will ever give you more respect than you give yourself. So, begin there.
4. When it's right, it's EASY.
You'll find the one - and it will be when you're least expecting it, not trying, and just living life to enjoy YOURSELF. I call it a "happy accident" that happens to everyone who desires love...
Enjoy being fabulous and young!
You know, the first half of this blog sounded like you were writing an advice column instead of talking about your experience and feelings. It must be hard to switch roles and give up a little control. The instant after you blind-sided Louis about your feelings at the dance, you decided, for both of you, that it was time to put that in the past and move on. He looked a little bemused and not sure how he felt, but decided to make the best of the evening, be a gentleman, and not run out the door in a huff. Maybe if you had apologized to him also, he might have also been able to put it in the past and move on.
But it must have bothered him the more he thought about it, so he decided to talk to you about his feelings, and that didn't sit well with you. The moment he brought it up, it was obvious you were P.O.'d--the sarcasm, the look on your face, so instead of the evening going in one direction, it went in the other. You left, which at that point, probably was just as well.
You'll never know how the evening might have turned out, if you could have really been open to understanding his feelings as much as you insisted he should understand yours. It wasn't fun to watch, but try to stop seeing yourself as the victim who has to point out every perceived slight and get an apology before you can enjoy yourself with someone. You might attract someone who really wants to know you better, and make it past that third or fourth date, especially if you really want to know him better too.
Instead of bashing "Lewis," take the opportunity to ACCEPT & LEARN your mistake you made so you don't repeat it.
NEVER tell a person 5-Mins into the 2nd date, you're annoyed because they went 1 day without texting you.
After ONE DATE, the guy doesn't even know you yet . . . RELAX !!
What lewis did was really messed, your a cutie, he's honestly a jerk! He was acting like a high school boy not a mature adult! just keep trying girl! you'll find someone who treats you right!