Dr. Jekyll and Ms. Hyde

Amy Laurent gives her side of the blow-up with Tina.

Just when you think things can’t get any worse, you meet Tina Pray. I mean seriously, can’t I catch a break this week?! The biggest thing I push my clients to do, especially if they get dumped or rejected, is to get right back up on that horse and NOT to dwell on the past. As a matchmaker, I know there is someone for everyone. Everyone has a match, everyone has a true love, and it’s my job to find it for my clients -- even if they begin to doubt themselves.

But now that for the first time in a very long time it’s my own feelings and my own heart that feels twisted in knots and beat up, and I’m realizing how much it really does sting to be rejected. It makes me want to be there for my clients even more whenever they need me. As for me, the I-just-got-dumped-depression has set in over the past few days. This time it’s me, not a client, who needs a good “Amy pep talk.” One problem: it doesn’t work as well when I try to do this for myself. Whenever a client is going through heartbreak, I’d throw my dumped or hurt client right back in that dating river with a bunch of great matches to distract them and keep putting that bug in their ear: “These matches this week are way hotter and way better then the chick who dumped you anyway!” It’s how my clients keep from sinking into the blues, and it works. Yet here I am, feeling like a loser and not quite knowing what to do with all of these bad feelings. I haven’t felt like myself, and I’m finding I can’t even get out of bed. It was time to get out of Manhattan, and the best person to reach out to was Joseph. I’m grateful to Joe -- we’ve been friends for years -- because he’s always there for me. And Greenwich, CT can be the perfect remedy.

Thinking about how my “retreat to Greenwich” started off, part of me is laughing and part of me is horrified. Talk about the client from hell. Not only did I agree as a favor to stop by first to Tina Pray’s home to consider taking her as a client -- even though I was supposed to be taking a break from work for the weekend -- but I even invited her to Joseph’s party afterwards. Huge mistake. During the meeting with Tina, I thought something was a little strange about her. First she tells me she’s not seeing anyone, then the next second she’s telling me she’s been sleeping with “a friend she’s known for 30 years.”
She’s warm and friendly, then turns resistant and stubborn. She continues to tell me she’s “fired two husbands” and she’s still a savvy dater so doesn’t really need my advice when I throw her back into the dating pool. Oh, really? I think, “Hello!? I didn’t want what has been happening to me lately to happen to her. People get rusty when they don’t date for years!” I require anyone who wants to work with me to be honest and trust me to guide them. If they know it all, they don’t need my help and shouldn’t hire me. See how that goes for you. But if you do want to work with me and allow me get you to success, well, you have to let me do what I do best. There was something very off about this whole Tina meeting, but at the time I could not put my finger on it.Later that evening, I could put my finger on it easily when Dr. Jekyll and Ms. Hyde showed up at Joseph’s party. And I’d have put my finger directly on the Emergency Eject button if I had one that evening. Within 30 seconds of her walking through the door, I could tell someone was up to no good -- there was a weird tension in the air. The next thing I know, Tina approaches me, completely passive aggressively, on a mission to pick a fight and embarrass me in front of everyone. Never in my life have I had something like this happen! Normally if a client questioned my rules, it would be in my office. We’d talk about why they should follow them and how my guidance would help them in the process of finding them true love. This was the wrong environment. Clearly it was Tina’s intention not to leave this party without a blowout. I was not about to play this game and decided to shut it down the moment I saw what she was trying to do.

After humiliating herself and then knocking my own drink out of my hand as she tried to grab me (yet claiming I threw my drink on her!), thank goodness she and her friend bolted. My Greenwich retreat had turned miserable. I mean, could my week GET ANY WORSE?

In typical Joe style, he saved me from spiraling into a state of misery and encouraged me to have a great date with Scott. Scott, we all know, is generally not my type at all. Yet he had the confidence to walk right up to me and ask me out. So naturally, there was something appealing in that. The morning after the party, I was so tempted to cancel and just stay under the covers all day in bed. In true form, being the great friend Joe is, he wouldn’t let me do that. Again, so thankful for that.

Scott is one of the coolest guys I have met in a while. My date with Scott felt so different than my dates with AB or Lewis. And I quickly realized that with Scott I was starting to feel comfortable, happy, and was even -- GASP! -- having a little bit of fun! I like these kinds of dates! Is this what a truly good date feels like? I only want these from now on, please! I like not feeling insecure, not having to impress anyone, not feeling criticized when I’m trying to be good enough for another person. This pretty much rocks. Scott was exactly who I needed to meet. My date with him knocked some sense into me. For the first time in a while I was thoroughly enjoying myself, I forgot about my problems, I was laughing and simply having fun being around him. Turns out I might have forgotten what it felt like to be with a guy and feel HAPPY.

And I even enjoyed a piece of pumpkin pie without giving a rat’s ass about the nutritional content! A sure sign of my being on a good date and in a better place. Now when I tell my clients to get back on the horse, I’ll know exactly how hard it is to do, and how great it can feel when you do it.


See you next week!


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Just Say Yes

Emily Morse shares all the lessons she's learned this season.

Let’s sum up eight weeks of good times, shall we? A recap: threesome proposals, first date couples acrobatics, modeling for a kissing workshop, hilarious make out with Menace, hot make out with David, strip clubbing on a first date, and let’s not forget awkward phone sex -- we’ll always have that. Sigh.

Miss Advised brought a lot of dating challenges to the forefront, and I loved hearing from all of you about how you could relate to one or all of us in your own way.

So thanks for hanging out for the first season of Miss Advised. We’ve shared many cringe-worthy, awkward, inspiring, and hopefully relatable moments. So either you’re inspired or cringing, or both. Either way we’re all in this life learning together.

A theme in the premiere episode led me to conclude this: While my mom maintains that “never rely on man to take care of you” was sage advice to share with me at age fourteen, my brother doesn’t think it is the greatest advice. I think they’re both right -- I shouldn’t rely on anyone to take care of me entirely, but it’s okay to have a healthy dependence. That really got me to think.

See, I’ve always been a fiercely independent person, so much so that it’s been a struggle both for myself and others to accept that I haven’t made the most traditional life choices. This doesn’t make life easier by the way. In fact, my mom always says, “Emily, you didn’t choose the easy route.” It’s true.I’ve always put work first before relationships. I was raised and grew up thinking that I need to make it on my own without a man or anyone else taking care of me. Trying to make a living solving the world’s sex and relationship issues, getting my doctorate in Human Sexuality, and hoping to change the world so we’re all in better relationships has been exhilarating, challenging, and, well, sometimes downright difficult. I know this is my path, and I’ve been honored to share part of my journey with you.

Oh, you’re curious about David? Well, he is my childhood crush who was catapulted into my life at the perfect moment. I was actually excited about a guy, something I hadn’t felt in a while. It’s like quenching the best kind of thirst.

Things didn’t work out with David, but the most important thing is always this: what you do with the outcome. Whether you’re with someone for two months, two years, or 20 years, the key is to ask, “What can I learn from this experience?” and more importantly, “What was my part? What does this teach me about what I want in the future?”

The David experience made me realize that I am truly excited to find love. To find someone (or many ones). I’m not sure what my next “relationship” will look like: monogamy or some other new-fangled creation. I do know that whatever relationship I’m in I’ll create it with my own rules as we all should. What I was really trying to demonstrate is that monogamy isn’t the only answer. There are many different types of relationship models out there, and you need to find the one that works for you.

And finally, for the finale, some final points:

1. So you think dating sucks?: It doesn’t have to. Everyone says they live in the worst town in which to date. I promise you this: if you say yes to every offer you get for 30 days, you will increase your chances of meeting someone significantly. If you don’t put yourself out there, you can’t be found. Yes, here I go with my yes message, but it can’t hurt for 30 days. Try it. You’ll thank me.

3. Life is full of life lessons: Are you paying attention? Don’t view a relationship that ends as a failure. They’re golden opportunities to learn more about yourself and what you want in the next partner or don’t want: rinse, don’t repeat.

4. Life is a journey: I didn’t make this up. You’ve heard it before. Here’s the truth: your life is a journey and we’re all on our own path. Make it your life’s work to cultivate confidence and your own individuality. Get to know your own self and what you really and truly want in a relationship and in life. You have to TRULY love yourself before you find your true love.

5. What I’ve learned: Life is about experimenting with new experiences. Take what you like from each situation and leave the rest.

6. Say yes: I will always say yes to everything. OK, maybe not everything. But when I find myself saying no, I have to think why. I truly do say yes to many experiences that help me with my research for the Sex With Emily show and for life. I’ve learned so much this way, and don’t plan on stopping anytime soon.

My favorite part of the Miss Advised experience was communicating with new fans and welcoming new listeners to my show Sex With Emily, available to listen to for free anywhere you live. I loved tweeting  with you (let’s never stop). I’ve loved, loved, loved hearing from you on Twitter, Facebook and through my website. I read all your emails and enjoy receiving all your sex and relationship questions, which I answer on my Sex With Emily podcast and radio show.

To thank you for all your support, I’ll be giving away five copies of my book Hot Sex to the person who emails me their favorite line or lesson learned from Miss Advised to feedback@sexwithemily.com. Dying to hear your thoughts so please comment below or on my site, www.sexwithemily.com.

What's next for me? Well I’m going to continue on my journey -- pursuing my doctorate, doing my show (which you can listen to from anywhere), creating new apps. Kegel Camp anyone? Experiences make up your life, so get out there and start living. I’m open to finding love, and I know I’ll continue to find it. Love is truly infinite.

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