Dr. Jekyll and Ms. Hyde

Amy Laurent gives her side of the blow-up with Tina.

Just when you think things can’t get any worse, you meet Tina Pray. I mean seriously, can’t I catch a break this week?! The biggest thing I push my clients to do, especially if they get dumped or rejected, is to get right back up on that horse and NOT to dwell on the past. As a matchmaker, I know there is someone for everyone. Everyone has a match, everyone has a true love, and it’s my job to find it for my clients -- even if they begin to doubt themselves.



But now that for the first time in a very long time it’s my own feelings and my own heart that feels twisted in knots and beat up, and I’m realizing how much it really does sting to be rejected. It makes me want to be there for my clients even more whenever they need me. As for me, the I-just-got-dumped-depression has set in over the past few days. This time it’s me, not a client, who needs a good “Amy pep talk.” One problem: it doesn’t work as well when I try to do this for myself. Whenever a client is going through heartbreak, I’d throw my dumped or hurt client right back in that dating river with a bunch of great matches to distract them and keep putting that bug in their ear: “These matches this week are way hotter and way better then the chick who dumped you anyway!” It’s how my clients keep from sinking into the blues, and it works. Yet here I am, feeling like a loser and not quite knowing what to do with all of these bad feelings. I haven’t felt like myself, and I’m finding I can’t even get out of bed. It was time to get out of Manhattan, and the best person to reach out to was Joseph. I’m grateful to Joe -- we’ve been friends for years -- because he’s always there for me. And Greenwich, CT can be the perfect remedy.

Thinking about how my “retreat to Greenwich” started off, part of me is laughing and part of me is horrified. Talk about the client from hell. Not only did I agree as a favor to stop by first to Tina Pray’s home to consider taking her as a client -- even though I was supposed to be taking a break from work for the weekend -- but I even invited her to Joseph’s party afterwards. Huge mistake. During the meeting with Tina, I thought something was a little strange about her. First she tells me she’s not seeing anyone, then the next second she’s telling me she’s been sleeping with “a friend she’s known for 30 years.”
 
She’s warm and friendly, then turns resistant and stubborn. She continues to tell me she’s “fired two husbands” and she’s still a savvy dater so doesn’t really need my advice when I throw her back into the dating pool. Oh, really? I think, “Hello!? I didn’t want what has been happening to me lately to happen to her. People get rusty when they don’t date for years!” I require anyone who wants to work with me to be honest and trust me to guide them. If they know it all, they don’t need my help and shouldn’t hire me. See how that goes for you. But if you do want to work with me and allow me get you to success, well, you have to let me do what I do best. There was something very off about this whole Tina meeting, but at the time I could not put my finger on it.Later that evening, I could put my finger on it easily when Dr. Jekyll and Ms. Hyde showed up at Joseph’s party. And I’d have put my finger directly on the Emergency Eject button if I had one that evening. Within 30 seconds of her walking through the door, I could tell someone was up to no good -- there was a weird tension in the air. The next thing I know, Tina approaches me, completely passive aggressively, on a mission to pick a fight and embarrass me in front of everyone. Never in my life have I had something like this happen! Normally if a client questioned my rules, it would be in my office. We’d talk about why they should follow them and how my guidance would help them in the process of finding them true love. This was the wrong environment. Clearly it was Tina’s intention not to leave this party without a blowout. I was not about to play this game and decided to shut it down the moment I saw what she was trying to do.

After humiliating herself and then knocking my own drink out of my hand as she tried to grab me (yet claiming I threw my drink on her!), thank goodness she and her friend bolted. My Greenwich retreat had turned miserable. I mean, could my week GET ANY WORSE?

In typical Joe style, he saved me from spiraling into a state of misery and encouraged me to have a great date with Scott. Scott, we all know, is generally not my type at all. Yet he had the confidence to walk right up to me and ask me out. So naturally, there was something appealing in that. The morning after the party, I was so tempted to cancel and just stay under the covers all day in bed. In true form, being the great friend Joe is, he wouldn’t let me do that. Again, so thankful for that.

Scott is one of the coolest guys I have met in a while. My date with Scott felt so different than my dates with AB or Lewis. And I quickly realized that with Scott I was starting to feel comfortable, happy, and was even -- GASP! -- having a little bit of fun! I like these kinds of dates! Is this what a truly good date feels like? I only want these from now on, please! I like not feeling insecure, not having to impress anyone, not feeling criticized when I’m trying to be good enough for another person. This pretty much rocks. Scott was exactly who I needed to meet. My date with him knocked some sense into me. For the first time in a while I was thoroughly enjoying myself, I forgot about my problems, I was laughing and simply having fun being around him. Turns out I might have forgotten what it felt like to be with a guy and feel HAPPY.

And I even enjoyed a piece of pumpkin pie without giving a rat’s ass about the nutritional content! A sure sign of my being on a good date and in a better place. Now when I tell my clients to get back on the horse, I’ll know exactly how hard it is to do, and how great it can feel when you do it.

 

See you next week!

 

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Self Sabotage?

Amy Laurent is ready to let her guard down with Kevin.

So things have come full circle for me; I find myself sitting here and thinking about some of the things I’ve gone through and finally trying to understand what has been holding me back with my own personal dating goals.  Not by any stretch of the meaning am I used to focusing so much on my own issues or emotions.  After so many years of ignoring those issues and just focusing on helping my clients, it’s sort of a scary and uncharted territory for me.  Yet, as I’m sitting here I’m recognizing that for the moment I am HAPPY.  Do we all deserve to be happy?  Maybe my answer for myself is finally yes. 

So let’s be honest.  I’m not used to a guy like Kevin -- he’s supportive, complimentary, and overall POSITIVE.  What the hell do I do with that?!  It’s a little bit strange for me to be around someone so nice, but at the same time there is no way I can let this set me back -- I’m sick of having anything good fall to pieces and not making good decisions in the name of self-sabotage.  I would NEVER let a client screw this up for themselves.  So why don’t I recognize that I deserve that very same consideration too? I better not screw this up now only because I’m used to young, condescending a-holes. 

The majority of my day of course has me reverting back to work (sorry, I can’t help it, baby steps!) and the fact that I still get my ultimate joy from seeing my client Tim Sykes and Lauren together.  They are truly ADORABLE; I just knew they were going to hit it off and were a match.  Tim has really started to grow on me since that first day I met him, and nothing would make me happier then to see him happy! I will make sure that happens for all my clients, but yet with Tim I feel I have really taken him under my wing.  He’s finally following ALL of my rules!  I am a proud mama hen, and he and Lauren truly seem happy.  I love it.OK, now back to Kevin and the fact that when I got home from work there was a package waiting for me.  Not only is Kevin super sweet (which I’m trying to embrace), but now he sends me a gift before the second date?  Argh, OK I’m struggling here and keep hovering my thoughts between “this is the most thoughtful thing anyone’s ever done” to “OMG this is weird, maybe I shouldn’t go out with this guy?”  But I stop myself.  Why?  Because I refuse to sabotage myself for once in my life when something good is happening for me.  Isn’t that part of my past insecurity of “I’m not good enough” that got me into a bad relationship with AB and completely being the kind of withering, meek girl in front of Lewis that is not excusable for any woman?

I’m really starting to think that I’ve avoided my own happiness and dating by hiding behind my work and throwing myself full on into my clients for so many years because some twisted part of me WAS worried I wasn’t good enough.  I gave consideration to my clients’ happiness, but why haven’t I given that same consideration to myself?  Have I really been treating myself so poorly and beating myself up? And if so, then for what reason?  Things are going to change, and they’re going to change NOW.  My eyes are wide open, and I probably will never be the same after these past few months. 

So damn it, the pajama pants are cute, and I’m going to own this and accept someone giving me compliments and being really sweet to me. You know what? Because I deserve it. There. I said it. I’m finally allowing myself that, because I am worthy. I finally get it.Seeing Kevin for the second date was probably one of the most special and happy moments that I’ve had in a long while, and I’m really proud of the fact that as frightful as it is for me, I’m staying open.  I’m not running away, doubting myself, feeling like I need to please someone or that I have to change who I am in order to be liked.  Sure, we all have flaws and things we need to work on.  I tell my clients this every day and force them to confront the very obstacles that keep setting them back in getting who they really deserve in a relationship.  Well now Amy is finally good enough and worthy enough to take Amy’s own advice for once.  Thank god, something is finally changing.

After the bumps and bruises, one can start to realize change is good.  I am left with so many thoughts after this date with Kevin and the incredible kiss that felt wonderful. My head is spinning right now, but I feel like I’m alive again.  And it’s OK to be human with these emotions.  In fact, it’s really NICE.  I feel like something that was shut off inside of me (without even knowing it) has suddenly been jump-started and is alive again thanks to Kevin and this whole experience.  My stomach is filled with a warm sensation and I literally feel like someone flipped the on switch.  It’s as if some little part in me I’ve ignored for a while is coming back to life.  It’s a bit emotional for me, and I am thankful.  I’m HAPPY.

Oddly enough, sitting in a silent room right now with all of this feels good.  I have a sense of hope and the realization that good things can happen for me.  I’m finally contemplating what it is that I really want for my future and what it really means to be happy.  I’m excited about the future and what it might hold for me. 

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