Yet the situation with AB goes deeper than some guy I really think I want to be with, some guy with great hair and a killer smile. Why do I keep finding myself so at odds with myself when I’m around him? There hasn’t been a guy in a very long time that has this kind of effect on me. And I’m more upset by what this means: that I might not have fully overcome whatever issues AB brings out in myself? At least not overcome those issues one hundred percent, as I had previously thought?
It’s disappointing, but I want to be a bit nicer to myself, instead of beating myself up for it this time. Just as I would kick a client in the pants in this very same situation, I have to get real and figure out what happened and why. And just like I would a client, I have to pull myself out of the sulking and I have to refuse to give up on my recent intent of returning to dating after avoiding it for so long and using work as my excuse. I wouldn’t let you do that, after all, that’s for sure! I can’t let myself either.
Yes, if I knew the decision to go see AB run the marathon would lead me right back to square one— feeling like I’m left in pieces again—as much as I wanted to see him after all this time I would NOT have gone. It wasn’t worth it. But what now? What would I advise a client in my very same position?
I’d say don’t cling to an identity you no longer need. I’d tell you to face the obstacles, bad habits, and issues that have held back your growth, weighed you down, and kept you from your deserved happiness. I’d say: Use this temporary setback for something good, by learning from it so you can turn it around.
Damn, that’s great advice. Time for Amy to listen to Amy.