Sure, we all get attracted to people and want to sleep with them. It’s human nature. While I don’t believe in the stereotypical dating rules, I do believe that when it comes to sex, it’s best to wait. Here’s why.
There are emotional consequences involved when we sleep with someone too soon and not all of them are particularly desirable. Sex does change the relationship dynamics by nature of, well, nature. Meaning we immediately get biologically hooked on the sex. When we start having sex with someone too soon, specifically women, we immediately become attached.
The “love” drugs (including oxytocin, serotonin, and dopamine) fire rapidly, bathing our brains in these “feel good” hormones. Which is exactly why they say love is blind: sex can literally shield us from seeing our new partner as they truly are. This is especially bad during a time when we need to see them most clearly, so you won’t miss major character traits (for example those pesky red flags). These crazy love drugs are released after we have sex with someone and can sometimes prematurely attach us to the wrong people, because we are really attached to the sex.
Making the decision about when to sleep with someone should be taken with greater mental acuity than just following what feels good in the moment. Take the time to get to know someone, see if you’re on the same page about what you want out of your new “connection,” and take it from there.
Talk about where the relationship is going before you sleep with someone. Even if the “relationship” is a one night stand, you should speak up ahead of time. Sex does change the dynamic. There’s no way around it.
I love your show and especially you. Ever since I started watching, I have opened up to dating and losing the fear of just meeting new men. I'm walking away from fear and walking into enjoying my life meeting and dating. It definitely woke something in me that was dormant and it feels awesome. I'm divorced and have an adult daughter that really wants me to meet a great guy but I was holding back making excuses but all your advise has made me wonder about what I'm missing and in taking a mental snapshot of my life so far, I've been playing it very safe, but the safety net has been removed and I'm ready to free fall in love, like or lust....
I love love love love you! You are a great person, and I love how you are not into the traditional lifestyle. I hate how just because you are a sex expert everyone wants to get in your pants. It reminds me how men can be so selfish and a bunch of "horn"dogs. Every time I see you go out and the first thing out of a guys mouth is "sex" I think to myself, oh no, not again! My point is just because you are a sex expert people(men) should not assume you are a nympho.
I do like the way you explained the waiting factor for women. Understanding women feel first, think second...makes sense to not allow their biochemicals to influence their decision making early on. Having said that, each courtship has it's own pace, so sooner isn't a bad thing. Yes, sex does change things, so why not get to it, and see if the relationship can continue after it...it keeps both from wasting time.I just want to say THANK YOU. It's really refreshing to know that someone other than myself has the same view about dating. I agree completely that we connect with many people over our lifetimes, and there's nothing wrong with wanting to experience those individuals' sexuality and express ourselves sexually.
I do believe sex is energetic (spiritual) as much as it is physical. It's western belief's that have separated the two, and really sad because they are missing out on so much. There is no "1 lifestyle fits all" People put so much pressure on themselves to narrow it down to one person, it's no wonder they stressed over dating and relationships. "You all laugh at me because I'm different. I laugh at you because you're all the same."There's nothing wrong with Emily. She's in-touch with her sexuality, and has different needs than other's who aren't naturally as sexual. It frustrates me when I see people on the show tell her she's wrong (selfish, etc.), just because she's different. She's got her business taken handled and is very successful, that alone takes dedication, sacrifice, and commitment. Not to mention the strength to stand up for what she believes in, knowing she's going to take shots from all angles about it.That was long-winded, but this subject and outlook on dating and mating are something I strongly identify myself with. Thanks again Emily...Looking forward to more from you.
Of all the women in this show, you're by far the most perplexing personality. I think you're going to have the toughest time finding a partner...and it's not entirely all your fault. You project a very strong personality...which may be the reason for the bisexual attraction you seem to constantly fielding. You're either one glass of white wine away from going to the pink mafia where your sexuality AND alpha female persona will be wonderfully accepted in an Amazonian relationship (Bring your own Bow and Arrows though)...or you need to find you a grizzled Russian NHL defenseman (who writes music and paints) who isn't threatened one iota by your strong personality. You remind me of the character that SJ Parker played in the movie "The Family Stone"...and I'd laugh if you also had that irritating throat tick like she did in the movie.
Why have sex at all? Get to know him as person first. Sex complicates things. I would just say you work on the radio until a friendship is established.
I've been with my husband for 21 years - married for 18 - and I completely agree with you on the soul mate thing. A) I don't buy into the idea of soul mates and B) no way is there just ONE person for all of us. So, if I never met my husband, or he died when were married 2 years, I should be alone for the rest of my life, starting at age 29? Because he was the ONLY one soul mate I have? Makes no sense at all. People think life is a Hollywood movie and it's not - you can have more than one great love in your life.
Emily every time I have seen your show honestly - I see myself over and over as if you are the one women who feels its absolutely fine sleeping with others and either men or women...The way you feel I truly feel and understand and feel as if I am looking in the mirror. Its a shame that men and women don't understand completely... I am single and have had much fun but trying to take a plunge Id love so much more... Silly but I so agree about all you have done and truly understand,,, I pray Im not the only one...
760cloud savannah - thanks so much for sharing. glad my life can be a mirror to yourself ... ! we all have to pave our own paths. and we get to make up the rules xxx E
hi emily, i think you're probably right about "the one" concept to a degree. i do, however, think that there are only a few true loves in this life. sometimes we get lucky, and sometimes not. while we are capable of loving many people, i don't think too many can truly touch our souls the same way that only a very rare person can do. many people settle on someone who seems like the one for fear of being alone. some never truly find love or fall in love. i have been blessed to have much love in my life but to find that one special one that got away, that's rare! i still love my first love from high school and he loves me...but can you go back after 35 years? maybe~
judyann325 maybe you can reignite an old friend. !! you won't know unless you try... what's holding you back? i agree that many people settle out of fear of being alone but i don't believe anyone should settle. EVER . thanks for writing xxx E