Cast Blog: #MISSADVISED

In Treatment

Wake-Up Call

Just Say Yes

Self Sabotage?

Breakdown Breakthrough

How Soon is Too Soon?

Changing for the Better

Dinner Date

Dr. Jekyll and Ms. Hyde

Prom!

Blindsided

Threesomes Please Apply

Witchy Woman

The More the Merrier

Fear of Rejection

Fire Away

Great Lake State

Your Love is My Drug

Never Initiate

Horrifically Brutal

Stripped

Carrie Bradshaw Complex

You've Been Advised

No Exceptions

In Treatment

Emily Morse shares her history of going to therapy.

In my family, therapy was our second religion. Family issues? Off you go to therapy. Parents divorced at age 10? Therapy. Parents remarry, divorce (several times each)? Therapy. Dad died at age 19? Therapy. Dealing with dad’s death and a whole host of issues? In and out of therapy over my lifetime.

I’ve always enjoyed going to therapy actually and learned many of the skills I use to help others on my radio show during my sessions.

I began to block my emotions at a young age. There was so much turmoil in our home growing up that I did what many kids do -- shut down. The tumultuousness of my childhood really wreaked havoc on my emotions.

Due to all this, I woke up around the age of 27 and got back into therapy to deal with all my childhood issues. I felt that I’d been coasting through life, not truly feeling as much as I should. Through therapy I learned to feel my emotions and deal with a lot of my past.

My current therapy is much more infrequent. I won’t tell you how many hours I’ve logged in therapy, because it would amaze (or perplex) you, but let’s just say I don’t feel like I need to go as regularly anymore.

But since everyone lately has been saying something is wrong with me, I figured I’d go see my therapist, Paula-Jo, for a therapy tune-up.

I hadn’t recognized how much my past was still on my mind and potentially affecting my behavior, especially when it comes to dating. I guess we never truly escape our past, but there’s important work we all should to do to make peace with it. And it might take you one year or 20 years, but either way, if you’re still holding on to stuff from a long time ago, it’s a good idea to find a therapist.I’ve often said on my radio show Sex With Emily that I believe everyone needs therapy at some point in their life or relationship. The benefits of therapy can be astounding, and you get out of it what you put in. I’ve often heard people say, “Oh yeah, I went to therapy... a few times.” Which in my book doesn’t count, because if you really want to “do” therapy, it can take a year or years to really get to the good stuff and see real change in your life. Take the time to find a good therapist. Sometimes you might have to see two or three to find one that you can work with.

On to phone sex: we have many different types of guests on the show, and I always enjoy having a good phone sex operator to show us the ropes. Talking about emotions and what you want sexually is a great use of phone sex and an excellent way for couples to communicate. Like I always say, communication is a lubrication!



Phone sex frees your inhibitions so you can express your fantasies or desires to your partner verbally, and you’re not face to face, which can be a good thing if your confessions would normally leave you red-faced or flustered. Phone sex can be an amazing tool for couples to spice up their sex lives and even take it to the next level.

Not only might you have fun and flirty phone sex, but if you truly speak your libidinal desires to your partner, you might get what you wished for. As I said during this episode, “Sometimes I think I’m an alien from another planet.” Close family and friends seem to find it strange that I don’t desire the traditional lifestyle that many people singularly strive for their entire lives.

This can be hard to explain to my loved ones, who want me to be happy and think the road to happiness and fulfillment is paved with children and marriage.

I’ve come to realize that I’m not oriented to think there is one perfect path to live. Sure, I’m open (as you know) to finding someone and perhaps settling down with one person, but I by no means think this is the end goal of life, therefore I don’t see my life is a failure if I don’t take the traditional path.

Love hearing all your feedback. Until next week...


xxx,
Emily

Self Sabotage?

Amy Laurent is ready to let her guard down with Kevin.

So things have come full circle for me; I find myself sitting here and thinking about some of the things I’ve gone through and finally trying to understand what has been holding me back with my own personal dating goals.  Not by any stretch of the meaning am I used to focusing so much on my own issues or emotions.  After so many years of ignoring those issues and just focusing on helping my clients, it’s sort of a scary and uncharted territory for me.  Yet, as I’m sitting here I’m recognizing that for the moment I am HAPPY.  Do we all deserve to be happy?  Maybe my answer for myself is finally yes. 

So let’s be honest.  I’m not used to a guy like Kevin -- he’s supportive, complimentary, and overall POSITIVE.  What the hell do I do with that?!  It’s a little bit strange for me to be around someone so nice, but at the same time there is no way I can let this set me back -- I’m sick of having anything good fall to pieces and not making good decisions in the name of self-sabotage.  I would NEVER let a client screw this up for themselves.  So why don’t I recognize that I deserve that very same consideration too? I better not screw this up now only because I’m used to young, condescending a-holes. 

The majority of my day of course has me reverting back to work (sorry, I can’t help it, baby steps!) and the fact that I still get my ultimate joy from seeing my client Tim Sykes and Lauren together.  They are truly ADORABLE; I just knew they were going to hit it off and were a match.  Tim has really started to grow on me since that first day I met him, and nothing would make me happier then to see him happy! I will make sure that happens for all my clients, but yet with Tim I feel I have really taken him under my wing.  He’s finally following ALL of my rules!  I am a proud mama hen, and he and Lauren truly seem happy.  I love it.OK, now back to Kevin and the fact that when I got home from work there was a package waiting for me.  Not only is Kevin super sweet (which I’m trying to embrace), but now he sends me a gift before the second date?  Argh, OK I’m struggling here and keep hovering my thoughts between “this is the most thoughtful thing anyone’s ever done” to “OMG this is weird, maybe I shouldn’t go out with this guy?”  But I stop myself.  Why?  Because I refuse to sabotage myself for once in my life when something good is happening for me.  Isn’t that part of my past insecurity of “I’m not good enough” that got me into a bad relationship with AB and completely being the kind of withering, meek girl in front of Lewis that is not excusable for any woman?

I’m really starting to think that I’ve avoided my own happiness and dating by hiding behind my work and throwing myself full on into my clients for so many years because some twisted part of me WAS worried I wasn’t good enough.  I gave consideration to my clients’ happiness, but why haven’t I given that same consideration to myself?  Have I really been treating myself so poorly and beating myself up? And if so, then for what reason?  Things are going to change, and they’re going to change NOW.  My eyes are wide open, and I probably will never be the same after these past few months. 

So damn it, the pajama pants are cute, and I’m going to own this and accept someone giving me compliments and being really sweet to me. You know what? Because I deserve it. There. I said it. I’m finally allowing myself that, because I am worthy. I finally get it.Seeing Kevin for the second date was probably one of the most special and happy moments that I’ve had in a long while, and I’m really proud of the fact that as frightful as it is for me, I’m staying open.  I’m not running away, doubting myself, feeling like I need to please someone or that I have to change who I am in order to be liked.  Sure, we all have flaws and things we need to work on.  I tell my clients this every day and force them to confront the very obstacles that keep setting them back in getting who they really deserve in a relationship.  Well now Amy is finally good enough and worthy enough to take Amy’s own advice for once.  Thank god, something is finally changing.

After the bumps and bruises, one can start to realize change is good.  I am left with so many thoughts after this date with Kevin and the incredible kiss that felt wonderful. My head is spinning right now, but I feel like I’m alive again.  And it’s OK to be human with these emotions.  In fact, it’s really NICE.  I feel like something that was shut off inside of me (without even knowing it) has suddenly been jump-started and is alive again thanks to Kevin and this whole experience.  My stomach is filled with a warm sensation and I literally feel like someone flipped the on switch.  It’s as if some little part in me I’ve ignored for a while is coming back to life.  It’s a bit emotional for me, and I am thankful.  I’m HAPPY.

Oddly enough, sitting in a silent room right now with all of this feels good.  I have a sense of hope and the realization that good things can happen for me.  I’m finally contemplating what it is that I really want for my future and what it really means to be happy.  I’m excited about the future and what it might hold for me.