Just Say Yes
Emily Morse shares all the lessons she's learned this season.
Let’s sum up eight weeks of good times, shall we? A recap: threesome proposals, first date couples acrobatics, modeling for a kissing workshop, hilarious make out with Menace, hot make out with David, strip clubbing on a first date, and let’s not forget awkward phone sex -- we’ll always have that. Sigh.
Miss Advised brought a lot of dating challenges to the forefront, and I loved hearing from all of you about how you could relate to one or all of us in your own way.
So thanks for hanging out for the first season of Miss Advised. We’ve shared many cringe-worthy, awkward, inspiring, and hopefully relatable moments. So either you’re inspired or cringing, or both. Either way we’re all in this life learning together.
A theme in the premiere episode led me to conclude this: While my mom maintains that “never rely on man to take care of you” was sage advice to share with me at age fourteen, my brother doesn’t think it is the greatest advice. I think they’re both right -- I shouldn’t rely on anyone to take care of me entirely, but it’s okay to have a healthy dependence. That really got me to think.
See, I’ve always been a fiercely independent person, so much so that it’s been a struggle both for myself and others to accept that I haven’t made the most traditional life choices. This doesn’t make life easier by the way. In fact, my mom always says, “Emily, you didn’t choose the easy route.” It’s true.I’ve always put work first before relationships. I was raised and grew up thinking that I need to make it on my own without a man or anyone else taking care of me. Trying to make a living solving the world’s sex and relationship issues, getting my doctorate in Human Sexuality, and hoping to change the world so we’re all in better relationships has been exhilarating, challenging, and, well, sometimes downright difficult. I know this is my path, and I’ve been honored to share part of my journey with you.
Oh, you’re curious about David? Well, he is my childhood crush who was catapulted into my life at the perfect moment. I was actually excited about a guy, something I hadn’t felt in a while. It’s like quenching the best kind of thirst.
Things didn’t work out with David, but the most important thing is always this: what you do with the outcome. Whether you’re with someone for two months, two years, or 20 years, the key is to ask, “What can I learn from this experience?” and more importantly, “What was my part? What does this teach me about what I want in the future?”
The David experience made me realize that I am truly excited to find love. To find someone (or many ones). I’m not sure what my next “relationship” will look like: monogamy or some other new-fangled creation. I do know that whatever relationship I’m in I’ll create it with my own rules as we all should. What I was really trying to demonstrate is that monogamy isn’t the only answer. There are many different types of relationship models out there, and you need to find the one that works for you.
And finally, for the finale, some final points:
1. So you think dating sucks?: It doesn’t have to. Everyone says they live in the worst town in which to date. I promise you this: if you say yes to every offer you get for 30 days, you will increase your chances of meeting someone significantly. If you don’t put yourself out there, you can’t be found. Yes, here I go with my yes message, but it can’t hurt for 30 days. Try it. You’ll thank me.
3. Life is full of life lessons: Are you paying attention? Don’t view a relationship that ends as a failure. They’re golden opportunities to learn more about yourself and what you want in the next partner or don’t want: rinse, don’t repeat.
4. Life is a journey: I didn’t make this up. You’ve heard it before. Here’s the truth: your life is a journey and we’re all on our own path. Make it your life’s work to cultivate confidence and your own individuality. Get to know your own self and what you really and truly want in a relationship and in life. You have to TRULY love yourself before you find your true love.
5. What I’ve learned: Life is about experimenting with new experiences. Take what you like from each situation and leave the rest.
6. Say yes: I will always say yes to everything. OK, maybe not everything. But when I find myself saying no, I have to think why. I truly do say yes to many experiences that help me with my research for the Sex With Emily show and for life. I’ve learned so much this way, and don’t plan on stopping anytime soon.
My favorite part of the Miss Advised experience was communicating with new fans and welcoming new listeners to my show Sex With Emily, available to listen to for free anywhere you live. I loved tweeting with you (let’s never stop). I’ve loved, loved, loved hearing from you on Twitter, Facebook and through my website. I read all your emails and enjoy receiving all your sex and relationship questions, which I answer on my Sex With Emily podcast and radio show.
To thank you for all your support, I’ll be giving away five copies of my book Hot Sex to the person who emails me their favorite line or lesson learned from Miss Advised to firstname.lastname@example.org. Dying to hear your thoughts so please comment below or on my site, www.sexwithemily.com.
What's next for me? Well I’m going to continue on my journey -- pursuing my doctorate, doing my show (which you can listen to from anywhere), creating new apps. Kegel Camp anyone? Experiences make up your life, so get out there and start living. I’m open to finding love, and I know I’ll continue to find it. Love is truly infinite.