I’ve always put work first before relationships. I was raised and grew up thinking that I need to make it on my own without a man or anyone else taking care of me. Trying to make a living solving the world’s sex and relationship issues, getting my doctorate in Human Sexuality, and hoping to change the world so we’re all in better relationships has been exhilarating, challenging, and, well, sometimes downright difficult. I know this is my path, and I’ve been honored to share part of my journey with you.
Oh, you’re curious about David? Well, he is my childhood crush who was catapulted into my life at the perfect moment. I was actually excited about a guy, something I hadn’t felt in a while. It’s like quenching the best kind of thirst.
Things didn’t work out with David, but the most important thing is always this: what you do with the outcome. Whether you’re with someone for two months, two years, or 20 years, the key is to ask, “What can I learn from this experience?” and more importantly, “What was my part? What does this teach me about what I want in the future?”
The David experience made me realize that I am truly excited to find love. To find someone (or many ones). I’m not sure what my next “relationship” will look like: monogamy or some other new-fangled creation. I do know that whatever relationship I’m in I’ll create it with my own rules as we all should. What I was really trying to demonstrate is that monogamy isn’t the only answer. There are many different types of relationship models out there, and you need to find the one that works for you.
My take on the situation with David is this:
He was intimidated to be with a sexually confident woman and this is why he flaked out on you. Good for you for getting out of the situation and keeping your integrity intact.
I personally enjoy seeing a woman who is not desperate to be in a relationship nor to get married. It isn't something that is often represented on tv or in the movies.
My mom raised me with the same advice your mom did you. Don't depend on a man. Now, I'm 50 and very educated & self-sufficient but single. She's right...I don't need a man...but would really love to have one as a companion! So listen to your brother too! I keep dating & looking for the right man...I just hope I'm not TOO independent--that I can still find one I like...or can at least tolerate ;-). Loved the show & you're hilarious. I love the say "yes" to everything & have really been trying it. If nothing else, it is very fun! I look forward to another season of miss advised (although you should be doc advised!) Haha.
Ironically, when you use the words "always" and "everything," you limit yourself and deny the importance of experience, preference, and judgment. Always saying "yes to everything" is a fascinating topic for discussion or a thesis, (but in practice, it's safer with a cameraman in tow.)
It implies that you believe there is nothing to be gained by saying "no."
These men seemed attracted to that fantasy as much as they were to you. When you made it clear that you would not say "yes" to everything, David could hardly tolerate the disappointment (Who saw that one coming?). You had a degree of protection because you weren't completely alone with him or any of the other men.
I'm not so sure it's a really good policy for most women to follow. They could put themselves in a vulnerable position, based on their date's expectations. It's unlikely they'll have a cameraman or other safeguard with them on that date.
It would be interesting to see how these men might have behaved if no one knew who you were, what your field is, etc; if they didn't have expectations based on all that.
Hi Emily. I can't believe how similar our patterns have been (as a gay guy, and with you being in San Fran., I'm hoping my adventures aren't so surprising for you). For years I've thought - 'Oh! This is it!', only to hear comments like what you heard in Napa last night while trying to keep my composure or not be levelled by yet another rotten experience. I felt like I could relate to all three of you on this show, because on social media all we hear about are our 'friends' with their kids and spouses and for me at 38 I feel, honestly, like I have nothing to say - I haven't met anyone, and even for being gay, it's a given I won't have kids, but I haven't had any 'shocking dating stories' for years. One thing I would like to introduce, because guys/guys are seeing this so often today - is the fact that we are the first generation in a long time that grew up materialistic but (many of us) are on the brink of an economic depression unlike any other - those who had experienced anything similar were born 100 years ago. So for gay men and straight women, we are now finding our dating options to be men who have no money, no credit, loans that will never be able to be paid back, (in my circumstance) having to leave the cool, progressive city for our crappy hometowns where nothing happens because we can't afford rents or find jobs like we did, and it's changed the dating landscape completely. Those of us who were struggling before this happened are fairing much worse than before, and it's almost on a brink of hopelessness. Yet this is such a shared experience that we either don't know what the 'post-2012 rules' are, or, again, this is unchartered territory. Many of our parents who met in affluence never thought they'd have adult children on food stamps. For men with university degrees, the hit at our self-esteem, what to say on the dates that might come along, how to be honest about what our current status is, it's really hard. I'm not seeking sexual advice, but I'm wondering how to have honest dialogue on those first 'what do you do' or financial/materialistic questions today. I want to be honest, but I also don't want to be shut out either.
@TorontoCanada although I am a straight woman I am your exact same age living with the exact same circumstances. We grew up in affluence, when our parents met they were on the rise in their careers and were able to buy and provide very luxurious, or at least very stable foundations for us and they had plenty of friends who were in the same situation ecomonically & socially. Dating in these current times (really for the last 4 years or so), everybody's financial status is a big "?", how do you explain the massive debts you've ammased that the current econimic climate has made impossible to pay back(school loans/home loans), and its darn near impossible to find a man with a stable enough lifestyle to settle down with. I find nyself pining for the good old days (80's & 90's), boy things would be so
I'm not buying the "say yes to everything" motto. You followed your own advice, but didn't follow your heart. A few times it seemed that you were clearly feeling "no" and said yes anyway. What's the point in that? This season failed to show how saying yes to everything leads to anything positive. I think you should just do what feels right.
That was so weird and disappointing with David! Either this was completely staged or David has BiPolar Disorder.
The takeaway should be that a woman shouldn't go away for a romantic weekend with someone they do not know!
Knowing how the situation with David ended up, I now wonder if Menace didn't pick up on David's inner douchman. Maybe it wasn't a "measuring" contest so much as it was that he could tell the guy didn't have the best of intentions. Just a thought.
It is too bad that David didn't work out. It would have been the ultimate fairy tale, wouldn't it? However, I am glad that he showed his true colors as quickly as he did, so you didn't waste a lot of time and/or effort in the relationship. Moving right along.....
This was the most relatable storyline I have seen with you on the show, and you were a total class act. You stayed calm yet didn't let that guy continue to speak to you that way. This episode completely epitomized why dating can be so traumatic sometimes - a guy that seems like a fairy tale boyfriend very suddenly shows his true colors. I was yelling at the screen when he made that "strange puss" comment! I was so happy you didn't sleep with him.
You are beautiful, smart and adorable. Loved watching you this season!
Emily, I can't believe he turned out to be such a jerk. You were honest and open and look where it got you - guys are so eff'ed up. I can't believe he changed that much overnight. Strange.
Naivley, I thought David from your home state was the best bet so far. The only thing that startled me was when he started talking about anal sex when you first sat down together after not seeing you for what---15 years more or less? I got whiplash whirling my head around to come back to that scene, so politely and seemingly harmless in the way it was said.
But then I did what you probably often do--"Well, he knows what the radio show is about; he's just curious--it's not something he would normally think or ask about on a first date; let's give him "a pass" on that. He's just a nice, newly-divorced guy who wanted to get that curiosity out of the way, after years of being married and having sex with the same woman.
But then Napa that morning: you were so right when you said you "dodged a bullet." Trusting your instincts was the only right decision. David has his own sexual "demons" to sort out, and he incorporated you into his process of doing that; you were his "what if?" and he felt safe to explore that with you. The problem is he didn't count on how much he would like you--really like you. You couldn't be his "zipless f__k" after all, and I think he resented you for that.
I enjoy your unabashed honesty. I like your "say yes to everything" motto in theory, although on the show it lead to a few situations where you felt disrespected. Is that a bunch of the worst situations in dating - the strip club date, the twitchy poly dude, the yoga guy - or what? Then you finally meet an ideal man - your crush - and he turns out to be a douche. Finding a good man is hard! Good luck to you and thanks for putting yourself out there in such a genuine way.
My gosh---did David not have a good night's sleep that he had to wake up and be the biggest %%^%^&%*%@!% and I was rooting for you and him to get it on....