The More the Merrier
Emily discusses her experience with the polyamorous Reid.
Just say yes to everything. It’s the fast track to experiencing life. Maybe you believe your life has stagnated. The fun fairy hasn’t knocked on your door with a compelling itinerary. The good news is that the easiest way to shake things up is to open yourself up to opportunities. This “yes” policy works well for people who are waiting for life to happen to them. It actually doesn’t work that way. We create our own reality, and we’re all in charge of our own happiness.
Case in point: I say yes to Reid Mihalko on my show when he asks me to be a kissing model in his imminent kissing workshop at Good Vibrations. To be honest, I’m not feeling like I want to kiss Reid, but teaching a workshop to people who want to learn how to kiss is a worthwhile endeavor. So off to Yes Land I go. Just to clarify, the Sex with Emily show is not all about guests asking me on a date or to kiss in public. My show primarily gives relationship and sex advice in a fun, informative, and as some might say, addictive way.
Reid presents the notion of “dating your species.” He maintains that people constantly fall in love with partners who aren’t right for them. Therefore many of us date outside of our species. How do you find your species? You have to do some serious personal inventory on what it is you want in a partner, a relationship, and in life. We’ve all dated enough Mr. and Miss Wrongs to know that if we had been clearer on what we wanted our relationships to look like, we might have made different choices about the people we’ve dated.
I have many friends in open relationships, also known as polyamorous relationships. As couples, they create and live by their own defined set of rules. Some couples have a primary partner, they might live together and have a bevy of other sex partners who play the role of secondary partners, some even have a third. Reid, however, admits he had 28 sexual partners in the last month. Which is another blog post altogether. Let’s clear up a misconception about open relationships: they’re not excuses to sleep with every person you meet outside of your primary relationship. Rather the relationship operates within the carefully placed boundaries created by the individual couples. In fact, they often reach a level of honesty and intimacy not achieved in many couples.
I’ve interviewed dozens of people in alternative relationships for my radio show (as well as couples in just about every type of relationship) and at the end of the day, all relationships have their challenges, no matter how many people you decide to mix into your rotation.
Remember those friends in college who created their own majors? Well people in alternative relationships create their own relationships. This is not for everyone. At all. I'm not even saying you should try this at home. But, tell me this: is an open relationship right for you? Or does this whole idea make your stomach churn? What does your ideal relationship look like? I want to hear from you in the comments below and at firstname.lastname@example.org. Let's talk.