You've Been Advised

Emily thinks she's getting closer to figuring out exactly what she wants.

I love that my mom thinks bisexuals are confused. I think they’re actually quite clear when they say, “Yes, I’d prefer one with a penis and one without.” I don’t see the issue here. So, how cute is my dog Daisy when she rolls her eyes at my mom on the phone? See, Daisy is not on vacation all the time.



Contrary to what my co-host, Menace, says, I don’t bash monogamy as much as I make it my life’s work to help people have a monogamous relationship or be successful at whatever kind of relationship makes sense to them. That’s why I started the Sex With Emily show and wrote a book on Hot Sex. You can even buy it here. A dying sex life will lead to a dying relationship. Spice up your sex life. Today. It’s imperative.

Why is Menace bringing a date to my book party? For the record, I think if you’re single you should never feel like you HAVE to bring a date. Maybe that’s why you’re still single, because you grabbed that guy that you kinda sorta liked because you didn’t want to be alone in a situation where you might actually meet someone. Why not put yourself in more situations to be single. Think about it. Amy. Is. Bad. Ass. I love when she goes all Tony Soprano on her client. I believe she would actually break his legs if he broke her rules. Now I’m afraid to break her rules. It occurs to me that Amy is the kind of person you want with you in the trenches during wartime or any natural disaster.

Oh, Ms. Julia. That must’ve been fun when the editor tells you that Los Angeles is a bad city to date in. Kind of like when you book a trip to Thailand and someone notifies you it’s hurricane season. I’m amused that everyone thinks whatever town they live in is the worst place to date. Yes, I’ve heard that about Los Angeles, but in fairness, I’ve heard the same thing about New York, San Francisco, and just about everywhere else. I don’t believe it for a second. If you’re single, it’s not the city you live in, it’s you. Wherever you live you can find someone to date. Take a different route home from work, sign up for a class, and practice talking to men and women… I’ll get into that more later. Or listen to my show here. I talk about it and give a lot of advice on dating and relationships.

The book launch party was a success from what I can remember. No, I wasn’t drunk. I’m not actually that big of a drinker, which is annoying because people always ask me when I’m going to name the drink I’ve been holding all night.

The Hot Sex book launch at Harlot is kind of a blur because so many of my friends, acquaintances, and ex-boyfriends (there were actually more than one at second glance) were there. Oh, and my brother. Wasn’t that classy when I screamed “Michael” so loudly across the room? Clearly I was excited, and how cute is he? He doesn’t visit from Michigan often, and it was really special to have him there for such a big night in my life. So why is my brother the man in the life? Quick rundown (you’ll need this info later): Parents were divorced when I was 9. I attended four of my parents’ weddings before I was 25-years-old. They had a bad habit of re-marrying and divorcing. Then my dad died suddenly of a heart attack when he was 49 and I was 19. It was devastating for both me and Michael, and Michael has truly been the man in my life ever since.

Cut to Julia’s beautiful, Rockwellian family. I wanted one of those blintz things they were eating for breakfast. In fact I wanted to plop down beside all of them, chat, and maybe stay awhile. Insightful to hear that Julia’s parents are obsessed with her love life, and I can’t help but wonder if that isn’t what made her obsessed with getting married. Julia, let’s talk offline.

Back in New York... oh, Amy, my dear, you met him at the gym!? Why didn’t I have this information before? Never date guys you meet at the gym! OK, never say never. You could meet a guy anywhere, and on second thought, I’ve dated a trainer or two.

Ah, San Francisco for my mini therapy session on the Michael and Menace show. Good times. Just to clarify, most Sex With Emily shows do not dissect my life. Usually it’s my listeners’ lives I’m analyzing and advising, but Menace had my brother in his death grip line of questioning (dog with a bone comes to mind). Side note: How many times in this episode does my brother give me “no you didn’t” look by the way? If we had to drink for each one of his looks, we’d all be tanked.It’s true that I haven’t found someone, but it’s also true that I haven’t been looking. I have been singularly and solely obsessed with bringing Sex With Emily to the world. Now my therapist (or maybe anyone who took Psych 101) might say that I use work to avoid commitment. Oops. Look at the time. We’ll have to circle back to that in another post.

Julia, how did those giant stuffed animals get to LA? Did they hijack your suitcase? Please explain. More importantly, where did you get a picture of Craigslist Justin’s abs? I just need to know. On to their date, I could actually see Julia formulating her thoughts – “Hmm. I don’t want to make-out with him, but he must be good for something with those abs... Let’s see, I know! I’ll have him move my boxes.” You go, girl. Way to delegate.

Amy, this date with AB is painful. I want to send him back to Saudi Arabia, but not until I unslick his hair. That’s what I think about that. You dodged a bullet, girlfriend.

But help me here, because I can’t decide if it was more painful watching Julia break up with Craigslist-abs-of-steel-box-mover or Amy telling AB at dinner that he had hurt her. Wait, I know what was painful -- dinner with my brother when he brought up work. Work has been stressful lately. We were eating dumplings and he wants to talk business and yet he won’t even try a c-ring? Then he wants to talk about my belief that you never should rely on a man (or anyone) to take care of you. I’m not convinced my mom gave me bad advice, but I think Michael had a point that people can have healthy dependency on someone.

Then he mentioned something about me sabotaging myself. That doesn’t feel completely accurate. I think things weren’t happening, because I wasn’t in alignment with what I truly wanted. Everything happens when you’re really ready emotionally, physically, and psychologically, and most importantly, know exactly what you want. I think I’m getting closer, and so goes the journey. Until next time. Next Monday that is. Oh boy.

 

Just Say Yes

Emily Morse shares all the lessons she's learned this season.

Let’s sum up eight weeks of good times, shall we? A recap: threesome proposals, first date couples acrobatics, modeling for a kissing workshop, hilarious make out with Menace, hot make out with David, strip clubbing on a first date, and let’s not forget awkward phone sex -- we’ll always have that. Sigh.

Miss Advised brought a lot of dating challenges to the forefront, and I loved hearing from all of you about how you could relate to one or all of us in your own way.

So thanks for hanging out for the first season of Miss Advised. We’ve shared many cringe-worthy, awkward, inspiring, and hopefully relatable moments. So either you’re inspired or cringing, or both. Either way we’re all in this life learning together.

A theme in the premiere episode led me to conclude this: While my mom maintains that “never rely on man to take care of you” was sage advice to share with me at age fourteen, my brother doesn’t think it is the greatest advice. I think they’re both right -- I shouldn’t rely on anyone to take care of me entirely, but it’s okay to have a healthy dependence. That really got me to think.

See, I’ve always been a fiercely independent person, so much so that it’s been a struggle both for myself and others to accept that I haven’t made the most traditional life choices. This doesn’t make life easier by the way. In fact, my mom always says, “Emily, you didn’t choose the easy route.” It’s true.I’ve always put work first before relationships. I was raised and grew up thinking that I need to make it on my own without a man or anyone else taking care of me. Trying to make a living solving the world’s sex and relationship issues, getting my doctorate in Human Sexuality, and hoping to change the world so we’re all in better relationships has been exhilarating, challenging, and, well, sometimes downright difficult. I know this is my path, and I’ve been honored to share part of my journey with you.

Oh, you’re curious about David? Well, he is my childhood crush who was catapulted into my life at the perfect moment. I was actually excited about a guy, something I hadn’t felt in a while. It’s like quenching the best kind of thirst.

Things didn’t work out with David, but the most important thing is always this: what you do with the outcome. Whether you’re with someone for two months, two years, or 20 years, the key is to ask, “What can I learn from this experience?” and more importantly, “What was my part? What does this teach me about what I want in the future?”

The David experience made me realize that I am truly excited to find love. To find someone (or many ones). I’m not sure what my next “relationship” will look like: monogamy or some other new-fangled creation. I do know that whatever relationship I’m in I’ll create it with my own rules as we all should. What I was really trying to demonstrate is that monogamy isn’t the only answer. There are many different types of relationship models out there, and you need to find the one that works for you.

And finally, for the finale, some final points:

1. So you think dating sucks?: It doesn’t have to. Everyone says they live in the worst town in which to date. I promise you this: if you say yes to every offer you get for 30 days, you will increase your chances of meeting someone significantly. If you don’t put yourself out there, you can’t be found. Yes, here I go with my yes message, but it can’t hurt for 30 days. Try it. You’ll thank me.

3. Life is full of life lessons: Are you paying attention? Don’t view a relationship that ends as a failure. They’re golden opportunities to learn more about yourself and what you want in the next partner or don’t want: rinse, don’t repeat.

4. Life is a journey: I didn’t make this up. You’ve heard it before. Here’s the truth: your life is a journey and we’re all on our own path. Make it your life’s work to cultivate confidence and your own individuality. Get to know your own self and what you really and truly want in a relationship and in life. You have to TRULY love yourself before you find your true love.

5. What I’ve learned: Life is about experimenting with new experiences. Take what you like from each situation and leave the rest.

6. Say yes: I will always say yes to everything. OK, maybe not everything. But when I find myself saying no, I have to think why. I truly do say yes to many experiences that help me with my research for the Sex With Emily show and for life. I’ve learned so much this way, and don’t plan on stopping anytime soon.

My favorite part of the Miss Advised experience was communicating with new fans and welcoming new listeners to my show Sex With Emily, available to listen to for free anywhere you live. I loved tweeting  with you (let’s never stop). I’ve loved, loved, loved hearing from you on Twitter, Facebook and through my website. I read all your emails and enjoy receiving all your sex and relationship questions, which I answer on my Sex With Emily podcast and radio show.

To thank you for all your support, I’ll be giving away five copies of my book Hot Sex to the person who emails me their favorite line or lesson learned from Miss Advised to feedback@sexwithemily.com. Dying to hear your thoughts so please comment below or on my site, www.sexwithemily.com.

What's next for me? Well I’m going to continue on my journey -- pursuing my doctorate, doing my show (which you can listen to from anywhere), creating new apps. Kegel Camp anyone? Experiences make up your life, so get out there and start living. I’m open to finding love, and I know I’ll continue to find it. Love is truly infinite.