Julia Allison

Julia Allison think Andrew did the right thing being honest with her.

on Jul 30, 20120

Well, hello there! Welcome to the penultimate episode of this first season of Miss Advised. Only one week left until the finale in which... Oh, let’s not get ahead of ourselves, shall we? This episode finds us back at my house in Marina del Rey surrounded by my ELLE editor (Keith) and a lovely ELLE photographer who can’t stop laughing at my ridiculous bedroom/closet/home/life. Sigh.

Photo shoots with new photographers make me self-conscious as it is, but to have one conducted by ELLE (in my own home, which tends to veer toward the eccentric) was beyond nerve-wracking. My mother was in town at the time, and I felt like she wouldn’t be thrilled with the concept of a photoshoot (She thinks they are “frivolous” and “self-indulgent” -- even though the shoot was my editor Keith’s idea). My nerves stemmed from that, along with anxiety thanks to a confluence of stresses, most notably my blocked writing. So much so that I was breaking out and stress eating. Not exactly what you want prior to a photo shoot.

Plus, Keith sort of...rolled his eyes at my closet. It’s not often you have your boss in your closet, but when you do, you definitely don’t want him to react like that. Especially if he works at a prominent fashion magazine. You start wondering if you just aren’t cool enough to exist, let alone write for said magazine. In a misguided attempt at "cool," the first outfit I tried on for the photo-shoot was this Rachel Zoe maxi skirt in blue (not pink!), which I paired with a simple white tee. It was a look that felt a lot more hip than I actually am. Ironically dressing that way made me uncomfortable. It just didn’t feel ME. But when I put on a vintage pink dress and sat (upon Keith’s request) in a pile of pink tulle on my bed, tiara in my hair, somehow I felt like myself again.

My editor chastised me about my taste (both in fashion and in home decor), but at the end of the day, I sleep in my bedroom every night, and I have to live with myself. Keith doesn’t! I figure it’s more important I like my own space than if anyone else does. Besides, it’s a great litmus test. If something as silly as a pink bedroom or a proclivity toward occasionally wearing frothy dresses scares a guy away, then I’m not convinced he was worth the trouble in the first place!

64 comments
kwnew8
kwnew8

it seems like you get a big kick out of yourself (which is great because you are a character) the majority of the time but the other half of the time,you are saying how insecure you are. Its the baby/ princess syndrome and a truly insecure person (to the depth you portray how insecure you feel) does not do half of the things that you do. You just do not come across as sincere and I am sorry to say that because I think you are a good person at heart!

jag61658
jag61658

Seriously, give that list and everybody a rest! 

 

azuremountain
azuremountain

Paint a big pink heart and say you came on the date looking for a husband.  Perfect recipe for pushing the guy away~ again.  But when she talks to us straight into the camera she's real!

hellionoftroy13
hellionoftroy13

Julia,

 

My advise to you would be to get rid of that endless list of requirements. Your ridiculous list is telling everyone that you are really not looking for love or a serious relationship. In fact, I can not take anything you say seriously because you are not qualified to be a relationship expert. Please look long and hard at yourself, throw your list away, and begin to love yourself, because you obviously do not love yourself. I see it as well as everyone else who has posted. Your desperation makes me cringe every time I watch the show and when you were on with Andy Cohen as well. Please have some self respect.     

RubyDoo
RubyDoo

JULIA!!! I THINK I KNOW WHAT YOUR PROBLEM IS.....YOU HAVE NOT MET ME YET!!!! ONE....TWO....YOUR CAREER IS IMPORTANT!! TO U., BUT WHAT YOU WANT(THIS RELATIONSHIP) IS AFFECTING YOUR CAREER. SO ITS HARD! I UNDERSTAND AND YOU DO NOT WANT TO CHOOSE ONE OR THE OTHER SO UNTIL THEN I'M HERE ;)

DMusk
DMusk

Julia,

 

When I watch you on TV, I can remember what it felt like when I was in your shoes.  I'm 37 now and have learned a LOT about myself since then.  I can't speak to you like I truly know you because a TV show, even a reality show, doesn't really show everything.  However, I'd like to offer a few suggestions for you in regards to your search for who you really are.

 

I have a very boisterous and "out there" kind of personality.  I've always felt like people either love me or just don't get me.  Even the ones who love me, don't all necessarily get me.  I tried to be anyone but me for a long time, especially with men.  Here's what I can offer you without writing a novel here.  It worked for me, so maybe consider it?

- You need to love yourself before anyone else can love you.  That means you don't go out looking for "The One" until you truly feel secure with yourself.

- You are worth everything good and wonderful in this world.  Believe it.  Say it as a daily mantra if you need to.

- There is nothing about yourself that you should change to make someone else happy.  There ARE people (yes, I mean more than one) out there who will love and adore all the things about you that you consider quirks they need to "deal with." Perks, not quirks!

 

I am currently happily married to an amazing man who loves me for exactly who I am.  I would never have been ready for our relationship if I didn't sort through my own crap first.  Consider the above a new checklist for yourself.  ; )  Ditch the one for the man.  It won't matter when you meet the right person.

 

I'll stop there.  I truly enjoy watching you on "Miss Advised" and I hope you will grow and learn from your experience.

 

Sincerely,

Debby

 

 

SayItIsNotSo
SayItIsNotSo

Julia,

 

You are a great girl but a dating expert - I don't think so.  You seem to be very desperate and it breaks my heart to see a young woman throw themselves at men they just meet.  Please value yourself and others will too.   Hard to get is not a bad thing when dating.  Unless this is all for television.

sallysusan
sallysusan

Julia--You scare the bejeebers out of every man you go out with. Stop screaming and stop being so loud. I think you''re fun, but tone it down a little. Every time you scream you are drawing attention to yourself and to your date. I think it makes them very uncomfortable. It's like you're trying too hard

anca.elena.161
anca.elena.161

Julia, I am now whatcing another episode of your show and without trying to be mean or anything... I don't think that any of you girls should be relationship experts. It's ridiculous to think that any of you three should give advice to people in that respect. You are a good looking sweet girl but my honest opinion is that you come across to men as desperate and insecure, with a ridiculous obsession with tutus and toddler outfits and thinking. Good luck to you!

GIGGLES1616
GIGGLES1616

I just have to say your awesome!!! I've been watching the show I'm a little late in the shows but I love it! I'm 29 yrs old with 2 kids and getting married for my 2nd time. I wish I knew about you soooo long ago!!! I feel like I am you and via a versa! I can totally relate with you! My life has definitely changed and I'm sooooo happy but I feel like I was ALOT like u.im crazy loud fun all over the place and I always felt like ppl looked at me like really??!?!?! And with guys! Smdh the episode with you and I think his name was Chris. Tall dark handsome And wouldn't kiss you! Omg I felt like I was looking at myself. I never changed myself I toned down a little and opened my mind to a "different" kind of man and I'm so blessed with my soon to be husband! Just want to say I'm no one to give advise id just like to say stay true to yourself.

pleasure
pleasure

Fabulous book on relationships, why and how men cheat- www.BN.com

its called "MINDSET OF A PLAYA.."

waytogo
waytogo

TO BRAVO....  IF YOU REALLY WANT SOMEONE THAT CAN GIVE DATING ADVICE....  SOMEONE THAT MAY KNOW WHAT THEY ARE TALKING ABOUT...   PLEASE GET HOLD OF ME.   THESE 3 PEOPLE....  I WOULDN'T TAKE ADVISE FROM TO RAISE A CHICKEN.

\

Jodie
Jodie

Julia, I think you are the greatest!  I watch the whole show just to see what's going on with you.  You keep up what you're doing, girl.  You are beautiful, smart, and all the haters are just jealous. 

AlannaRedmon
AlannaRedmon

Keep doing what you are doing Julia! I watched this show for the very first time yesterday! I love your positive attitude.  Any guy would be very lucky to have you and the right one will come along when you least expect it.  I know it is very important to just be yourself(especially on a date). If they don't like fun, perky, beautiful, kind, caring girls then they are missing out in life. Don't let anyone tell you anything differently! 

sdunlap
sdunlap

Andrew seemed like a good guy and did seem interested as well but you were just too overwhelming for him to be sure.  Your roommates face says it all

laura.lee.779205
laura.lee.779205

There's only a degree of annoying a man could stand.  The song with the list was annoying enough as to start running in opposite direction and not coming back. Poor guy.

CTandNY
CTandNY

Julia,

 

1. Be yourself, but observe, reserve and sit back. Let yourself come out slowly. You don't lay out all of your cards right away.

 

2. Read: (a) Steve Harvey's Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man: What Men Really Think About Love, Relationships, Intimacy, and Commitment; (b) What Men Want: Three Professional Single Men Reveal to Women What It Takes to Make a Man Yours [Paperback] [Sep 19, 2000] Gerstman, Bradley and Pizzo, Christopher. (c) Become Your Own Matchmaker: 8 Easy Steps for Attracting Your Perfect Mate by Patti Stanger and Lisa Johnson Mandell (Dec 29, 2009)

 

3. "The Rules", like your editor said, came from human nature. Women and Men are two different animals and have always and will always think differently. When a man is NOT a hunter, he sits back, enjoys it and tosses it away. You turn off a man immediately when you come off as a hunter who plans dates and invites yourself to see a guy on a plane! --- Andrew should have told you how he felt and stopped you from going to visit him. But, it takes two to tango. Don't forget that. Your roommate is pretty smart about men. When we are infatuated, we need to listen to someone else who's there watching the whole time.

 

4. Don't let anybody tell you that "You are too good and too perfect for most men to approach you." I can't believe that paid "life coach" told you that was sort of the reason men were put off by you. Oh no-- MOST men love a challenging woman who's also feminine and approachable. Being self sufficient, independent and intelligent is very sexy for a lot of quality men.Just don't be the hunter. Be a bird that lets the man chase after you. If you want to "hunt," then be a hunter that sets up things for a man to chase after you. If he doesn't budge, that means He's just Not That into You.

 

Truth be told--- Julia, you're a very very attractive woman! Plant a lot of seeds at the same time. It would help you not focus on one man and then become so invested so quickly. It would also help you become the "chooser," not the "choosee." Men could also smell competition when a woman is surrounded with men. That doesn't mean you should sleep around. When one of them gets serious, that's when you choose and start cutting off some of the men.

Kupka
Kupka

You are right, you have loads of problems...the pink is really something you should do therapy about. Why? because there is not a straight guy alive who likes Pink and you insist in living in a pink bubble....which communicates to a guy, you are not interested in being anything but a four year old.

Sweeteena1018
Sweeteena1018

Hi Julia, Even though I have been lucky enough to be born with the ability to think like a man with out even knowing it, I have "luckily"not been badly hurt by ex's and kind of been able to see through most of their "Shenanigans" LOL...I do feel for you. I on the outside am very feminine and girly like yourself but the difference is that I'm very cool in my reactions with men and I give them just the amount of attention they need because I for one need space as well because I love "Me" and need to have time to do my thing even if its just reading Elle Magazine or watching Tennis on the Tennis Channel. My point Julia is that I agree that someone has to love you for who you are....but you also have to love "you" for who you are as well and men can pick up on a person who has not fallen in love with "herself first". Once you fall in love with "you" I feel that perfect guy for you will fall into your lap. This coming from a single 40 year old (but look 30 Lol) who loves herself dearly and is having lots of fun fighting them off.....my dates have been great but I have not found that "one" yet either but because I'm patient and don't mind being alone, I am not tortured and desperate to not be single and men pick up on my relax nature and I have always been told by my dates that they feel comfortable and able to be themselves when they are with me. The only bad part about this way of being is that I have to tell a lot of my dates after two or three dates or so, that I'm not feeling the same (I'm not bragging)but it is the only downfall to my dating life. Julia, try spending more time with yourself or even your roomate doing fun stuff together, men enjoy seeing woman having fun together and not concern with any man around them but just girl time having fun....that's very attractive to men. BTW, when your friend from SF surprised you and you fell on the floor acting like a 13yr old girl, I suspect that this was the moment he started to get a little turned off by you, but wanted to give you a chance anyway....Don't do that anymore it was embarrassing to watch......Good luck and God Bless!

mariannabare
mariannabare

I'm sorry about what I wrote before, because I wrote it even before I read your post.  Reading your post made my heart break for you.  That means at the very least that you're a very good writer, to be able to do that.  I hope you can learn to protect yourself better--Andrew was pretty decent about it, but not even the most decent man will protect you from yourself--only you can do that.  I can't wait till the next episode--hoping to see some self-awareness on your part.  You're beautiful--this should be easier for you.  Wishing you the best.

RhodeIslander
RhodeIslander

Julia,

You are a wonderful, beautiful girl full of  fun and love......  Stop, stop, stop throwing yourself at men.

You are coming across as desperate. 

You don't ever have to worry that Mr. Right won't  come along.  He will. You just need to relax and be patient.

zoopy
zoopy

Julia,

 

You're adorable, quirky, with eyes you could just lose yourself in, but honey, your actions scream NEEDY!    

 

Everything you do from the moment you meet someone you're attracted to says, "please, please love me".  If you don't scare the guy off on the first date, you smother him on the second.  

 

Somehow you have to learn to pull back a little.  A woman with your looks, intelligence, and sense of humor would normally be attractive to 3 out of 4 guys, but your mindset gets in the way of it.  You're like a little puppy that won't stop licking anyone that gets close to him. 

 

You seem like a wonderful young lady, just calm down a little.  In the last episode when you said you thought you could fall in love with Andrew - we all knew you already had and were setting yourself up for a huge heart break.  We just didn't realize it would be so soon. 

 

Don't act like it's an "all or nothing" proposition.  Enjoy each date but don't push for a relationship.  If the chemistry and interest on both sides is right, it will happen naturally without effort. 

 

You're a beautiful person - you just need to let people discover this over time - once you learn how to do that, you'll find your true love.

 

 

Tara0485
Tara0485

Hi Julia,

 

Like a lot of people, you are one of my favorites too. I bet that is because we get to see the person in your apartment being yourself and not the person trying to fit a persona on dates!

 

Listen, I have definitely been in the same exact situation, where you're self conscious about everything from your wardrobe to how much you laugh just because you want that person to fall for you. Meanwhile, even if it worked (which it never does for any of us) they are not falling for the real you because you are putting on an act to impress. And subconsiously... you know the act is up before the "it's over" conversation even happens and that is why we get all clingy and anxious! What we women do to ourselves!

 

But bottom line, when you meet the right person, it will just work. And you'll know because you will feel RELAXED with that person and being with them will make you feel beautiful, instead of you having to get beautiful to be with that person. I promise.

 

From someone who has broken all the rules and made an ass out of themselves many times, but finally found love. (Even though, today he is on my last nerve :D it happens lol)

 

Tara

 

 

NorthCalGal
NorthCalGal

Julia,

I like you the best.  You are so adorable.   I think it's so important that you know how much everyone here thinks of you.  It's obvious you stand out on the show and we are all rooting for you.

I also know it's one thing to hear about how you act around men and then another to actually change your behavior.   But I know that you will be better off not pushing so hard and not being to obviously "grateful" when someone simply "shows up" at your door.  

 

You deserve someone special like yourself - he's out there.  Perhaps the area you are in is a tough one too.  Southern Ca. is not necessarily the easiest place to form a "stable" relationship.   Plus, you're living in a time when so many men your age are so immature and non-committal.    It's tough.  But having said that, you don't need to push the envelope.

 

So, Julia, best of luck.  I want to you to find that special one - in due time.

 

Susan

 

pam.miller.9889261
pam.miller.9889261

Julia, I hope you read this. Ay caramba sweetie!

 

I feel for you, because I KNOW your heart is in the right place, but girl, you are going about ALL of this ALL wrong. NO, you should never "pretend" to be someone you are not.  But you are all "shock and awe" and that is NOT a good thing.  I am a woman and you scare the bejesus out of me, so I can only imagine how much you are scaring the men you date.

 

Your point about "If something as silly as a pink bedroom or a proclivity toward occasionally wearing frothy dresses scares a guy away, then I’m not convinced he was worth the trouble in the first place!" is true - sort of.  The bottom line is this: the type of man YOU want (which I am fairly certain would include someone who should not be in a mental institution) is not going to be attracted to a caricature of a woman. You are way, way, way too over-the-top: the pink - everywhere, the tulle, the tiaras, the laughing, the touchy-feely-in-your-face groping.  All of your idiosyncratic antics are fine - in smaller doses. The "right" man for you RIGHT now is going to be a freak. Is that what you want?  Really?

 

Tone it down...A LOT.  Play it cool. Relax. Seriously. You are smart, gorgeous...adorable, really.  But right now you reek of desperation, among other qualities that are not going to help you find a WORTHWHILE man.

 

That list of yours is ridiculous.  You know I'm right. Do YOU have everything on that list? Please burn it. ASAP.  Like, right now. 

 

I wish you luck in love, I truly do.  Please just r-e-l-a-x. Be you - just not a "Defcon Level I" version of you. Level I of anyone's personality is too, too much.  Be a level IV or V and I KNOW you will meet a guy worth holding on to.

ChristaK
ChristaK

While he WAS honest, did he have to wait for you to take a plane to see him so he could dump you on television?  That was so painful to watch and while I appreciate his honestly surely that could have been done over Facebook (the way you met) oir some other means (like a phone call).  Hang in there!  You are smart, funny and beautiful and you will find a good guy if you haven't already!

tamithaR
tamithaR

Lord have mercy, Julia.  You are the epitomy of all the mistakes females make with men.  You need to be reminded of the oldest trick in the book: PLAY HARD TO GET!  It's really that simple.  You think the way you act is quirky and endearing.  It isn't.  It's invading, unneccessary, obnoxious, and anything BUT sexy.  To see you cry over the fact that a man you have spent only a handful of hours with isn't mutually falling in love with you, made me worry.  I can't imagine what a basketcase you must be over the end of an actual relationship!  Scary thought.  And please stop with the pink, and tiaras, and all that "Legally Blonde"-type of nonsense.  It's time to grow up and live in adult world.  Show your date who you actually are, instead of belting out that raspy cheer/scream constantly to try to come off as some really fun, animated party-girl.  Ask him about his career, family, goals in life, etc.  Show a little depth, and maybe a man will actually leave his first date with you feeling the need to find out more about who Julia is.  Let the man decide when it's time for a kiss, and invite it.  Pull yourself together, woman.  I think you might just be an interesting, insightful person under all that desperation.  And lastly, GET TO WORK!  When you are hired to do a job, DO IT!!!  If you agree to produce something by a certain date/time, then keep your word and get it done. If you are having such a hard time with that, then maybe you should consider a new line of work.

JenInLA2012
JenInLA2012

Hi Julia, 

 

I have been watching the show, and I thoroughly enjoy it! I love your sense of humor and your ability to open up and be honest about your feelings. You're obviously very beautiful ( your hair is gorgeous by the way), so you have no problems attracting men. All of that aside, I noticed a few things that I think may be hindering you on your quest for love. I really do think that your 70 + checklist for your future man is going overboard. There is no way that anyone could meet all of the items on your checklist, or even most of them. Do you think that you set the bar so high and out of reach for others because subconsciously you really do not want a serious relationship with a man? 

 

I also noticed that you do seem really aggressive and forward with the men you were attracted to.  Try playing it cool and let the men work at gaining your affections. You have a very friendly and sweet energy, but don't throw yourself at your dates. If men find it too easy to be with you then the chase is gone. 

 

I do wish you well and hope that someday you find someone who deserves you. 

 

 

 

Hecuba
Hecuba

Wow, last night's episode was hard to watch. I know we see an edited version, but what I saw was a man who has shown you no physical affection-- and can hardly look you at you while speaking-- while you touch him and flirt with him and make a big fuss over him. Look at David Rubin's body language with Emily, and Cute Kevin's body language with Amy. These guys gaze at them, lean into them, touch them, compliment them. When you've said you've felt "chemistry" with a guy, as a viewer I've seen nothing. Where you've failed to see "red flags," I've seen lots of red flags (body language, lack of "clicking".) You went on weekend getaways with a guy who won't touch you in public?

 

I'm not a rules woman, but if there's a rule about some type of bj timeline, I'm all for it. Because it sounds like you did something nice for him before he'd done the same. And then you cooked him breakfast. BJ and breakfast-- it's good to be Andrew. Honey, you should have been sleeping in his arms.

 

I think you should revise your GMAT-length checklist, and narrow it down to the top 5 or 10 non-negotiables. Serious things, that have to do with how you want your life to be in the next year, 5 years, 10 years. Flip-flop your thinking so that you're evaluating whether a certain man can make you happy,  instead of hoping that he likes you just because you think he's cute. Think more about compatibility and less about chemistry. Think in terms of women and men, not girls and boys.

mariannabare
mariannabare

Julia, honey, you're my favorite!  But I will get rid of anyone I'm with if they make a spectacle of themselves.  Maybe that's what's going on here, along with your eagerness.  I made the same mistake myself but finally realized the last thng a man wants is a woman who is not a challenge.  I'm on your side.  

cml1101
cml1101

True story - my husband walked into the bedroom where I was just finished watching this weeks episode of Ms. Advised - he looked at me and I asked if I had been crying.  I said yes. The tears started all over again - he said what happen - I said Andrew is not falling in love with our Julia.  I cried a little more and then explained how it made my heart hurt.   I have been there - where you know there is a connection with a person and they tell you they are not falling in love.  It is hard not to take it personally. 

He hugged me and dried my tears and said - tell her not to lose faith.  Look you where you are now - it was not that long ago you were there - it is heartbreaking - but she is an amazing talented funky woman, who will find the other part of her.  

I wish I could have hugged you.  Wrapped you in a big fluffy pink blanket and shared ice cream with you (which would not make us gain weight)

Please dont lose faith in love my fellow sister in pink (BTW my favorite color too) you are stronger than you think and when you find your prince  -  Julia - and you will - he will have the real gem.

 

I love you in ell too

grayfox007
grayfox007

 

Wow Julia when I was younger and needed and aggressive women you would have been my perfect fit. There are men out there that need an aggressive woman, but also a vulnerable woman that I noticed immediately while watching you interacting with the men in your life. I love your free spirit, keep up the good work. grayfox007

tiaa
tiaa

I don't think you see men as real people, but as mirrors for you to watch yourself in.  You put on the Julia! persona and then monitor carefully to see how it's going over.  Do you ever really see THEM?  Don't you think they would like to be part of the relationship too?

jerianne
jerianne

Again you rush and push this guy out of your life. What happened to taking it slowly, giving each person a chance  to really get to know one another. Throw out your stupid checklist, no one person could even come close to having the majority of items you are looking for.  Did you ever ask your dates if they had checklists? Every body has to make compromises and have maybe 5-7 deal breaker behaviors that makes them uncomfortable in the back of  their minds regarding long term relationships. People who have different tastes, talents and interests make a great couple encouraging the other to step out of their comfort zones I feel you are in the wrong career. Writing is ok, but you are not successful with social networking. Surprised, due to you coming from Chicago which is a terrific city full of positive activities to meet people. LA is a  llittle superficial , my parents lived at Marina Del Rey but California is open to anything. There the weather allows for a lot of outdoor activities that welome social gatherings. Allow your date to have some input on the activity planed. But I think you plan each move and then are upset when someone does not have the rehearsed reaction that you played in your mind.Your date should not be your little puppet.

intheknown
intheknown

Stop the insanity Julia. You are your own worst enemy, love yourself. I can't watch anymore.

MaireadA
MaireadA

I've watched all the episodes now and can say I will cross this one off my list of "guilty pleasures". I am convinced that this is a very contrived show with a VERY low taste level. 

The family whose name starts with a "K" has been making vast amounts of money (wish they would go away) can simply not be outdone for crudity and an anything goes attitude in order to make money. 

shanlea
shanlea

Julia. You are fun and dictinctive but most guys don't want to date a lady swathed in tulle and  tiaras. It is not sexy, womanly or grown up. It was obvious that Andrew was never into you. He never smiled in his eyes and seemed more tolerant to live out your prom date fanstay than having fun.You don't seem tuned into him at all as a person but more on your own fantsay date. Date interchangeable. When you talk about finding the guy who accepts your eccentricities, be prepared that he have his own. Yours' are from kindergarten.  Anyway. Good luck. You seem nice enough but you remind me of my grown SIL whose feng shui expert warned her to get rid of her doll collection becuase it really was sympotomatic of her doll life expectations. And what guy wants to get down in a room full of dolls?

azuremountain
azuremountain

Julia isn't breaking "rules," she's going against nature.  Men don't respond to neediness, period. They just seem to want to be the pursuers and will move heaven and earth to do so.  It's also human nature, period.  We want someone who can be complete in themselves and not demand us to complete them, fulfill them, etc.  We can't have that close relationship until we are fulfilled in ourselves and then we have something to give to others.  Guys still want to be Prince Charming and slay the dragon, I cringe at the forwardness and can see it in their faces.  Julia needs to be happy on her own and then the right person will come into her life.  Or at least she needs to play the game better~ pull back and they will come forward in droves.  Sad but true. 

IrishGirl44
IrishGirl44

You are simply a charming, strong, ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL woman.  I have never written anything like this before but it has to be said.  I think what you are doing is incredibly brave as you represent so many women that are out there.  I was one myself.  I watch you and how you push and control situations and it reminds me so much of how I was as a dater!  Particularly, when you paid for dinner on prom night...I so get that!  I want to tell you to keep the faith.  You have so very much to offer.  BE YOURSELF, you will find him.  After years of dating (which looked a lot like your dating)  I found my WONDERFUL husband, had a family, and I am insanely happy.  Thank you for sharing your life, and know that you are helping so many young woman that feel lost.  Don't listen to the negativity, stay positive, its obvious to anyone that you are a spectacular woman.  Good Luck!

seedymartini13
seedymartini13

You are chasing guys away with your overbearing needy neurosis and desperation. You do all the wrong things and its so painful that I can't watch the show. News flash - you don't ask a guy where this is going after 2 dates. Amy is just as bad. Another news flash - you shouldn't be falling apart over every random guy that crosses your path. You are what makes all women look bad.

Hecuba
Hecuba

 @sallysusan ... and stop hitting people. And telling them that your "heart hurts" for them, on the second date.

Hecuba
Hecuba

 @Jodie Jealous. That's it.

 

Perhaps we just find it painful to watch someone sabotaging her own life week after week. I could never be jealous of someone who's such a ball of neuroses that she has to beg. I could never be jealous of someone who doesn't seem happy.

Hecuba
Hecuba

 @AlannaRedmon The thing is, she isn't "just being herself." Is she someone who likes shopping for vintage clothes on Melrose? Does she like "prom" (god, I can barely type it) because of the 90s music? How about dogs? Going to dog parks? Volunteering at a shelter? If she's a writer, what other writers does she like? Favorite books? What are her passions, interests, and hobbies, besides "pink"?

 

I have plenty of quirks and weird interests-- I explain to people why I like it; tell somebody about it if they want to know; and turn it into something we can both do, if they want to join me.

 

She could have made the wine and horses date about wine and horses, and not about begging for a kiss. Talking about wine and horses is just the means to get you talking about yourselves.

Hecuba
Hecuba

 @Kupka Doris Day costumes from the 50s aren't "quirky." Desperately wanting a husband isn't "unconventional." Trying to look 50 when you're 30 isn't "perky" and "fun."

Hecuba
Hecuba

 @Lana Good points. I'd never advise anyone to do things to "win" a man, but it's about respecting him and his world, as you said. You can be yourself (god knows I have plenty of my own quirks) while still meeting other people halfway. No man wants to have sex in a bedroom that looks like it came from Pottery Barn Kids... just like you wouldn't want to spend the night with a 35-year-old guy whose bedroom looks like it belongs to a teenager.  Do you want to roll over on a Star Wars figurine and step over dirty socks? (Not like there's anything wrong with Star Wars figures ;) but treat them like collectibles, not toys.)

 

When you go to a wine tasting, talk about wine, and not, "He was going to propose, har har har." Unless he doesn't like wine. Then don't go there.

MarcyRN
MarcyRN

Well said, R.I.! Exactly what I was going to say. SERIOUSLY, Julia, I don't know how much of what we see of you is due to show editors, etc., but oh. my. god. Seriously? I wish I could put this as eloquently, compassionately,  and kindly as some of the other posters have, but seriously. You are this amazing mix of adorable and beautiful (you remind me of the old pinup models!). You are articulate and intelligent. You're wacky and quirky, which is also adorable. But you need to tone. that. S%#(. DOWN. You come across as almost psychotically needy and clingy and aggressive. Seriously. There is something to that old book, "The Rules." You need to read it. You should NEVER have to ask a man out, or plan the date! I know it seems dated and sexist, but IT. WORKS. Men are genetically programmed to be the pursuers and those "in control." That "prom" date? Would've been cute, say, if you'd never gotten to go to a prom, and you'd been dating the guy for awhile. NOT on a first date! HE should've asked you for that date, and HE should've planned it. Listen to Patti Stanger on the Millionaire Matchmaker -- she's got it right. Is it a game? Is it being inauthentic? Perhaps. Is that the way the world works? Yep. The old adage about love finding you when you're not looking for it is true, too. Throw yourself into other pursuits. Stop dating for awhile. Cultivate some new hobbies. Make plans for the rest of your life. If you want kids, start looking into adoption or sperm donation. I wish you the best of luck, but I really believe that if you don't make some serious changes, you're going to keep making the same mistakes. Good luck to you, hon.

Hecuba
Hecuba

 @ChristaK My guess is that he was expecting a booty call, not "the talk."

azuremountain
azuremountain

this made me laugh it's so well written.  But we still like Julia, don't we? or we wouldn't be writing all of this.

JuliaAllison
JuliaAllison

 @seedymartini13 Hi!  I totally agree with you - asking a guy where it's going after two dates is NOT what I would advise ... but this was after about three months! We had spent tons of time together, including several weekends at my place and at his.  It was definitely time to have the talk!

Hecuba
Hecuba

 @azuremountain In the world of relationships, we all need a little tough love once in a while!

 

Julia's dates have been fun activities that show guys she's a low maintenance, fun, outdoorsy person, but then the "Princess Parking"  sign makes a guy wonder  "What? High maintenance?"