But Neill wasn't exactly receptive to my attempt at an apology, and understandably so. While we were eating dinner, I tried to ask more questions to get to know her. But talking to Neill didn't feel comfortable or natural. I REALLY just wanted to cut to the chase and be typical, loudmouth, sarcastic, "in your face" Courtney, but that's what got me into trouble to begin with. And when I finally mustered up the courage to apologize and ask for forgiveness, she wasn't having it. At all. I understand why she was so defensive, and I realize that I made her that way…I just hope she's not one to hold a grudge.