One of my favorite quotes is, "Humility is the best defense against humiliation." It reminds me to stay graceful, poised, kind, and humble. So with that said, before I get down to business, who wants a slice of humble pie? Aww heck, I think I'm going to need more than just a slice…
Dinner with Matt was incredibly emotional. To date, that dinner haunts me. I remember sitting at the table thinking, "This isn't how we are. We never fight. We never argue. We always have each other's back. This isn't how best friends should be. No person has ever come between us." Throughout the conversation, no matter what either one of us said, we couldn't agree on anything. And in typical Courtney and Matt fashion, we both stuck to our guns. Hard. I left that dinner wondering if our relationship would ever be the same and if Neill would be the one girl who I would lose my best friend to.
Things got put into perspective when I spent the day with Tara and my mom. My mother always has this incredible way of helping me clear my head when it begins to fill with nonsense. She made me realize that although I am entitled to my own (strong) opinion, I let it get the best of me, and as a result, hurt both Neill and Matt. At this point I am looking forward to going to dinner with Neill, swallowing my pride, and saying those three simple words: I am sorry.
But Neill wasn't exactly receptive to my attempt at an apology, and understandably so. While we were eating dinner, I tried to ask more questions to get to know her. But talking to Neill didn't feel comfortable or natural. I REALLY just wanted to cut to the chase and be typical, loudmouth, sarcastic, "in your face" Courtney, but that's what got me into trouble to begin with. And when I finally mustered up the courage to apologize and ask for forgiveness, she wasn't having it. At all. I understand why she was so defensive, and I realize that I made her that way…I just hope she's not one to hold a grudge.
Because Neill and I got off to a really rocky start, I can tell that this relationship is going to be an uphill battle. Neill deserves my sincerity, my kindness, and my apology, and I hope that I get another chance to give her all those things. We will probably never agree on our opinions of right and wrong, because we come from two different worlds, but I hope that we can put this behind us and start over. So far, both dinners have ended poorly…I'm just hoping the third time's the charm.
And as strange as it may sound, this whole mess has become a blessing in disguise. It has reminded me that I'm not perfect, I'm not always right, and that perception is reality.
For more of my thoughts, follow me on Twitter @TheCourtneyKerr.