Couple Q&A

Get each couple's perspective on the first year of marriage.

on Jun 24, 20130

What advice would you give to a Newlywed couple after your experiences during your first year of marriage? What lessons have you learned?

TINA: Don’t act anything like me, and you will be just dandy! I will say, there were a lot of things that Tarz and I could have improved upon, but the one thing we had down was verbalization at ALL times! (And I’m not just talking about the fact that I tend to run my loud-ass mouth 24/7.) I feel like if you can’t throw all of your ego out the window and let down your guard 100% with just this one person, then why get married? I am always able to express to Tarz my every thought -- including when I’m feeling the slightest bit hurt, jealous, or insecure. Talking about these feelings right away ensures that we never ever harbor any bitterness or fight about trivial things. So I guess the old cliché about the key to a good marriage being “open and honest communication at all times” wins! (Now, if only there was a cliché about clubbing your workaholic hubby over the head and dragging him out on a date against his will…)

TARZ: My advice actually precedes your first year of marriage -- and that’s to marry your best friend. Of anything and everything that Tina and I have in our relationship, it all begins with a rock solid foundation of friendship. We love hanging out with each other and we talk about pretty much everything. It doesn’t mean that there aren’t other types of relationships that work, but I think we work so well because of the friendship. I’ve learned that there’s no such thing as a perfect first year of marriage. There’s just a first year.

How did it feel to hear that you were pregnant after all your trials and tribulations? How has your life changed with having a baby?

TARZ: I’m typically very cautious with any sort of news like this, and so I sort of reserved the elation until I felt like we were past the initial stages of being pregnant when most miscarriages happen (that superstitious 3 month window). I didn’t really harbor any doubts that we’d eventually be able to get pregnant -- but we want a lot of kids, and the older you get (well, I get older, Tina is in some perpetual state of youth), the tougher it gets medically speaking.

With the little guy, I don’t actually feel like life has changed so much, to be honest. We already had two stuffed-animal pigs (that you never saw on the show, but that we carry everywhere and have little voices for), our two babies Loki and Xena, and Tina’s Dad. So it’s like we already had 5 kids. Seriously though, the only big thing that’s changed is our schedule, and we’re possibly getting a little less sleep. We’ve always been very busy with work and travel and our three-ring circus life, and he just adds to it. Conversely, I don’t have to have him or a pump attached to my boob 10 times a day, so it’s probably unfair to say it’s hasn’t really changed!

TINA: Finding out I was pregnant was AMAAAAZING! For about two seconds. Then I thought about the two miscarriages that I had been through (magically mushing 365 days into 8, 1-hour episodes meant that viewers obviously missed some “wonderful” Newlywed events), and my hopes were instantaneously crushed. Thank god I have Mr. Positivity as my life partner, who kept reassuring me that “third time’s a charm.”

Our son (whoa, that still sounds SO weird) just came home from the NICU a few days ago (since he was born a bit early), so I’m still just beginning to build this magical bond with him. In general, I actually enjoy racing against the clock and having high-energy, crazy-rushed days, so I’m loving it for now!  Your time does become limited though. I think workaholic Tarz was preparing me for the baby for the last year by never taking me out so now I don’t have to miss going out! Pumping and breast-feeding becomes a significant part of your life, although I’ve learned to pump “on the go”!  (Although, I do often wonder if a cop’s going to pull me over and fine me for milking myself. I know “texting and driving” is illegal, but how about “pumping and driving”?)

How are things with Tina’s father and your relationship?

TARZ: I’d say things have gone from a day to day figuring things out to more like a week to week or month to month. It was a very surreal year in many ways, including figuring out the relationship with Tina’s dad, and although it hasn’t been easy on any of us, there are moments where all the planets align and we all get along. I, for one, am trying to have more of those moments and less of the other ridiculous moments, but I don’t know the answer of how to make that happen. I think it’s just more time and more rolling with the punches. And maybe more clichés!

TINA: I think this question is for Tarz, but that never shut me up before! Let’s just say dad is “as looney as ever.”  Here’s just one example: We took over my mom’s house from him after she passed, because he could not bear to live there. He recently wanted it back and of course we agreed (so now Tarz and I are basically “homeless in Cali”). Then, the other day, we rolled up to the house to grab some of our stuff, and there’s a “for sale” sign on it! Just ask him what the deal is you say? Well, we would, but he’s off in Russia right now. Or Germany? Or England? I don’t know. He still doesn’t tell us anything. (He’s always doing something adventurous in the hopes that it will make all the pain go away.) So, that’s just ONE example of what’s going down. If we had a few more pages on this blog, I would keep going…the one positive thing is that he is very much attached and actually very overprotective of our kid. (Although, I think that’s because the baby has mom’s genes and is a piece of her. So that’s pretty unhealthy as well…) Sigh...a work in progress for sure!

16 comments
kmsf
kmsf

You guys were touch and go throughout the season, connected one moment disconnected the next.  I really saw Tarz turnaround and show some real emotion at the Dr.'s office and my love for you both began to grow.  I just finished watching the last episode and found myself rooting for you both and I cried because I was so happy to hear about your pregnancy.  You were a little crazy in the beginning Tina, but that may be par for the course - losing a mother, newly married, disconnected father, etc... but you really redeemed yourself in the end.  I am so happy for you both.  

 

on a side note, Tina you have organic beauty that shouldn't be covered up by makeup.  Let it shine through.  

FromThisPerch
FromThisPerch

Here's my personal recap:

 

Kathryn & John - I think Kathryn is phenomenal and is beyond giving. John definitely takes advantage of that and doesn't appear to give much back, aside from money. The 1950's vibe that was going on there made me really feel for Kathryn. I ached for her, especially when she was in the pregnancy class and she heard about all of the other wives who were being pampered (and rightly so!) She took everything like a pro, but I think she'll get overwhelmed and discouraged if things don't change a few years down the line. John needs to remember that Kathryn's his wife, not his slave.

 

Tina & Tarz - I loved these two! With Tina's over-the-top personality, Tarz's low-key personality is clearly the perfect balance. I felt bad for Tina at times because Tarz often didn't seem to have enough time for her, but watching how horrible Tina's father was to Tarz was just awkward. I can't understand the rudeness! In spite of this, if I had to pick one couple to have their own show, I'd pick them! I think they'll make it.

 

Blair & Jeff - These two were funny, but Blair was just so overly dramatic about everything and seems to be way too immature. I did think it was funny when it turned out he was paying more than Jeff, though. There are definitely a lot of red flags in this marriage though. The fact that they're already going to counseling in their first year, that Jeff didn't seem to miss Blair when he was gone for a week, the fighting over finances, the fact that Jeff is unwilling to put Blair's name on the deed...if these two made it, I'd be pretty surprised.

 

Kim & Alaska - I think these two are such a sweet couple and I love their morals! It was nice to see Alaska realize the need to not replicate his father's behavior and I felt like I got to watch him grow as a man. Kim was just adorable; I feel like there's very little she wouldn't do for Alaska. I do think they need to pick LA or NYC though. It would be really hard to make a marriage last in the long run when you're living on opposite sides of the country; particularly when one partner (Kim) really feels that need to live together. It's not like she's asking for something abnormal! Once (or hopefully, if) they get that problem taken care of, I think they'll make it.

Calendargirl@20
Calendargirl@20

I don't think I'll be watching this show if it returns next season.  The so called prank scene between Tina's dad and Heather ruined the whole show for me.

DANNYE
DANNYE

Tina, I hope you watch these and you see the look of absolute adoration Tarz has for you sans makeup. You look so much more beautiful without it...so much so, I can't understand the garish makeup.

 

This was absolutely the best take on you guys. I have not been a fan through the show and I'm glad I watched the whole thing. I think we FINALLY saw the real Tina and Tarz! At the doctor, I could see Tarz sweating and he went into absolute relief when the doctor told you everything was okay. It was the most visible emotion seen from him all season. I believe he loves you but the rollercoaster that is you overwhelms him so much his only hope of survival is complete shut-down. I hope the two of you find a bit of balance between Tina's superhighs/neediness and Tarz' stoicness/lack of empathy.

bravorhjunkie
bravorhjunkie

Holy crap, these blogs are so judgmental!  As if there's any couple in the history of mankind who's married for the first time and in their first year of marriage who've done it so perfectly that it'd be considered exemplary.  Life is hugely about learning [from mistakes].  Chill out bravo watchers, gosh.

 

My favorite couple is Tartina.  Hands down she is erratically over the top, but at least she owns it.  What's infuriating is when people are whacko-nutjobs, but don't see it (hint, Theresa New Jersey).  And Tarz (ugh, please use your real name Dave!) is such a nice counter-balance to Tina.  I was always most interested watching them.  And they made me laugh.  It's hard to make me laugh.  And even their interview blog came across funny!  Whether or not the newlywed-show gets another season, Tartina should definitely get some air time somehow.

lini13
lini13

Each relationship always has the "needy one" and I think that by recognizing that problem and working on trying to change for you partner is a mature way to make it last.  I think Jeff  & Blair gets kudos for that.   They were the 1 couple that faced that issue.  The other 3 couples did not seem to work that hard on it.  I think Kim, Tina and John seemed to be the weakest link.  Kathryn was the one that really stepped up and gave into to John on just about everything.  I really hope for the sake of their baby they can compromise.  Kim and Tina just seem to want to pout if they don't get their way.  Those two need to grow up.

 

TheresaToo
TheresaToo

Love ya Blair but you are far too vulgar and immature when talking about your sexual needs!  You sound like a teenager with raging hormones and no filter.  You are an adult, in an adult relationship.  None of the other couples get nearly as graphic as you do.  There are far more sophisticated and classy ways to describe your wants, needs and desires without being pornographic. 

I agree with one of the posts indicating Tina was a mess last night!  Hope she's not nursing after the amount of alcohol she apparently consumed!

And finally, it was crystal clear that Tina's dad used Heather as a set up....likely to show Tina how he felt when she married Tarz.  He is a traditionalist and had a hard time adjusting to the cultural differences.  It was truly disgusting to see him being so sexual with Heather in a public restaurant but was so apparent it was all to prove his point (which worked by the way!)

Kathryn's going to regret giving up her career - she can have it all.....career, marriage, home, family but is allowing herself to be convinced it's 1950 again.

Don't see Kim and Alaska lasting.....bicoastal is extremely difficult.   One of them should transfer as they both are in jobs that can be performed on either coast.

tl1438
tl1438

For the record parents DO NOT "BABYSIT" their children!!!! They parent them....that's mom AND dad... Fathers do more than contribute sperm....him saying that he had babysit is just dumb!!!!  And why women allow that to happen is worse....You babysit other peoples children NOT YOUR OWN!!!  He needs to step and get in there and parent his son...DAMN!

jill.pricecorya
jill.pricecorya

Tina was so drunk on Andy's show last night, you can tell Andy was annoyed with her "dumbness".  As a new mother, I hope she gets her act together, grows up and tones it down a bit on her behavior.  She was a HOT MESS this season, could not stomach her.

trecia3
trecia3

Tina, did I miss a show. Last week your dad was with a white woman and telling he is getting married to her. This week he married a woman from India and you were ok with it. what did I miss? what happen to the white woman who was kissing your father all over the place?

BlueGrasshopper
BlueGrasshopper

 @FromThisPerch

 To Jeff & Blair (and those facing similar situations)- I disagree with the above paragraph on a couple of points.  The first year is the most sensitive because that is when the novelty and newness starts to wear down. This is normal and takes a LOT of adjusting to. The first year is when you begin to acknowledge and understand reality on a different and deeper level, and through this, challenges naturally start to emerge. Every couple has them. To not address these problems, just to keep the Hollywood façade of a happy-go-lucky marriage during the first year, as implied above, shows a lack of immaturity and unwillingness to be proactive.  Hashing out expectations is also tough the first, second, third year plus.  It is ongoing. But the more you can learn about yourself and your partner, the more realistic, and yes, the easier it is to adjust or meet expectations.  Yes, some marriages are stress free and lovey-dovey the first year. But all marriages will have their years of strife and struggle, whether they are one, five or ten years into it.  Going to counseling your first year DOES NOT determine whether your marriage will make it or not. I was annoyed to have read this, as I find it extremely naïve.  A lasting marriage is measured by the genuine effort invested, the trust bestowed with each other's feelings and thoughts, open and honest communication, shared goals and principals, and having the other persons best interest at heart.  Of course the list does not stop there.  Jeff & Blair, you are addressing your issues with the tools you are familiar with, and are seeking out new tools when the old ones are not working.  Seek first to understand, and then to be understood.  From an outsider looking in, your relationship is not without problems, but it is immensely full of love and compassion and your shared desire to make your relationship not only work, but improve, is compelling.  Thank you for your willingness to share your story with the world, and with me.  I have leaned much by your story on a personal level. I sincerely thank you!The Blue Grasshopper - Colorado

twade
twade

 @tl1438 I was so disgusted with him. "I'm only giving you an hour" huh!?! You don't want to be alone with your own son? I actually turned when he came on because I was just annoyed for Kathryn. It is like she has two children. I mean what man admits that he is jealous of a BABY.

mjohr
mjohr

 @tl1438 I was disgusted when John had the nerve to say he was in more pain than his wife while she was giving birth! What a selfish, ignorant idiot. Drugs only help so much. I can't believe a grown man needs so much attention. His wife needs to stop making excuses for him and after the thrill of new motherhood wears off, I'm sure she will.

judy@london
judy@london

 @jill.pricecorya  I felt Andy was more disgusted by Blair's "TMI" comments about his & Jeff's sex life.Tina's a brand new mom,it was probrably the first time

 they'd been out since the birth of their son.She's always kinda "over the top"but she & Tarz were definitely my fav couple on the show.

buckaroobabe
buckaroobabe

You had to listen kind of close to catch that he said he wasn't marrying the girl he made out with at the dinner with Tina and Tarz.  I almost didn't catch it.  My thoughts were how can you make out with that women and then tell your daughter you are marrying someone else.