Couple Q&A

Get each couple's perspective on the first year of marriage.

on Jun 24, 2013

What advice would you give to a Newlywed couple after your experiences during your first year of marriage? What lessons have you learned?

BLAIR: Number one, don't sweat the small stuff. I learned throughout the year that "small annoyances" are going to come up DAILY. Focusing on those things will drive you NUTS! Instead, choose your battles wisely… I also learned that non-threatening communication is key. Be calm and carry on! Keep the laughter always, don't take yourself too seriously, and never stop LOVING no matter what! As I said in Episode 1: "Unless you’re, dying keep trying!"

JEFF: For me it's listening to your partner and having compassion for your partner’s feelings. I have learned you will always have differences of opinion, but it's about the journey where you come to realize what you truly have together…and allowing each other to grow.

Describe your experience with sex therapy.

JEFF: I realized how Blair feels when I would push him away and not be compassionate towards his feelings and needs. It's important to me to make sure that Blair is happy and that I fulfill his wants and desires.

BLAIR: It was very unnerving at first. Jeff and I had never seen an "unbiased" person before, so that took some getting used to, and I was a bit on the defense at first. But after we role played and I realized where Jeff was coming from and what his needs were, it all "clicked." I also clearly got very emotional in the end. I think I had out a lot of pressure on myself to make up for Jeff's lack of love throughout his life…it felt so good to let that out and almost start over again on a fresh new page.

Where are you now in your relationship with intimacy and with each other?

JEFF: I think that we are very close and in a good a place. Our relationship only continues to grow and evolve.

BLAIR: The intimacy is still evolving. Some weeks are better than others, but the bottom line is Jeff has certainly stepped up to the plate and I have relaxed a bit, so it's a healthy combination. He is still my Jeff!

Have there been changes since the first year?

JEFF: I think Blair has grown from a boy into a man. I have watched him change before me. I can only hope that I have changed in a positive way, at least a little, for him!

BLAIR: Definitely. One thing is we FINALLY settled our legal/money issues. I got the WILL and it makes me more at ease and more eager to take care of our home as if it's mine too. I have learned a lot about financial responsibility. About sharing. About compromising. And about myself. Growing up. Not being such a brat! I will always be dramatic, I was born on a freaking stage…BUT as long as I do it with a laugh and not a WHINY SQUEAL I think Jeff will be able to handle me better! Life and marriage is all about constantly reevaluating: "Check yourself before you wreck yourself." That’s where I am at, making sure I can continue to grow and be the very best ME I can possibly be!