Still looking for love online this week? So are these guys! Let's meet 'em.
Up first: J. Keith, a 42-year-old writer/performer who's had relationship trouble in the past because his girlfriend thought he was more "warm and open" with his cat than he was with her. He's just looking for a nice, not-crazy woman who doesn't mind his extreme adoration for all things feline.
Our second dater, Grant, is a 33-year-old orthopaedic surgeon who was recently named Orange County's "Most Successful and Eligible Bachelor." Even though he seems pretty mellow about the title, he's really not. The truth is Grant is looking for someone just like him—perfect. And once he does, he has a bunch of plans for their perfect life together, including twins (one boy and one girl, natch). The thing that Grant doesn't seem to realize is that he is very clearly in love with his roommate's girlfriend, Tati. Oh, P.S., all three of them live together.
Grant is sure his own version of Tati is out there on the Internet, so he first tried his luck with Alix, who didn't look "exactly" like she did in her pictures. Right away, he launched into his 5-year plan: "I want a destination wedding, I wanna crush the plates, I wanna be carried in a chair. I want the best of everything!" Alix wasn't feeling it at all, considering her dream wedding consisted of "getting drunk and having sex."
J. Keith's first date was with a bombshell named Toni. They both thought each other were attractive (step one), but then Toni dropped a bomb—she has kids, and there was nothing at all about that on her profile. That led to a little spat over the meaning of "deception," and then J. Keith asked the waitress about a public radio discount…which led to another spat about the meaning of "what your date is worth." Yikes!
Later, while petting stray cats on a street corner (joking—they were up for adoption), J. Keith invited Alyssa to join him, who wasn't exactly a cat person. "Are they eating each other?" she asked. Pro tip: If someone asks if you cats (who are definitely not eating each other) are eating each other in the first five minutes of your date, it's a pretty apt harbinger of how the rest of the date is gonna go.
Grant thought he might have found his Ms. Perfect when he saw Drea's pics online, so he took her horseback riding. She was a great sport considering she's kind of freaked out by horses and probably thought they would be doing normal first date stuff, like sitting down. At the end of the date, Grant learned that Drea didn't drink, and that was a no-go on his perfect checklist.
Then J. Keith met Annette at a bar for a drink. Annette said she was "one up" on J. Keith by the time he arrived, but let's be honest—Annette was wasted. WA-STED.
Needless to say, it didn't work out.
For his last date, Grant invited adorable blonde Alyssa out on a boat with his roommate and—wait for it—Tati. Alyssa wasn't super freaked out about the foursome date, or the fact that she was alone with a stranger she met on the Internet and his accomplices friends on a boat with no escape, but she was pretty freaked out when Tati asked her if she was a virgin.
Tati might not know that "Are you a virgin?" is basically item one on the universal "None of Your Business" memo—she must have missed that one.
Meanwhile, J. Keith had a pretty great date with Rachel! Though he said she's "not the most gorgeous"—I bet he's totally regretting saying that on national television—the two had similar senses of humor, and bonus points, Rachel liked cats! Plural!
But no such luck for Mr. Perfect. Grant decided that he's going to continue searching for his lady, just not online. "I definitely will not and won't settle. Where she is, I don't know." Welp...Milania wishes you luck!