Scott & Adey

Adey is a bad-ass looking for his female counterpart. Scott is looking for a wife...but only after his ex-girlfriend gives him back his credit card.

Here we are: the last episode of Season 1 of Online Dating Rituals of the American Male. It was the best of times, it was the twerk of times.

This week, we met Adey and Scott. Adey is a 38-year-old bad-ass who's looking for a female bad-ass to call his own. He "designs cool sh**" and he break rules. He wears a lot of sunglasses, and sometimes indoors. But don't let that fool you—he's all softie inside. But he is friends with Brian "Her Kneecaps Are A Little Big" Reams from Episode 2, so you've been warned.

Also this week, we met Scott, a surfer bro/paramedic, a combination I've never heard of before. He's looking for a "loyal and independent" woman, so that probably explains why it didn't work out with his ex-girlfriend Megan, whom he dated for four years and still uses his credit card.


Megan wants to get married, but Scott has doubts. And that's why he's dating online. So… this should go smoothly.Scott's first date was with Alycia, who was unintentionally hilarious. She said things like, "My last boyfriend had cameras everywhere in the house," and, "You can put me in a room full of Asians and I'll have them cracking up laughing." It's no wonder that she didn't pick up on Scott's "love is like a fart" joke.

It's also no wonder that things didn't work out.For Adey's first date, he took Brittany go-karting, which is ironic because his license was suspended. Essentially, Adey just didn't like anything about Brittany at all, and he definitely didn't like the sound of Brittany's voice. So then why did he invite her for a snack after go-karting? Who knows. Men are awful.

Later, Adey got super pumped about Lydia, who looked like a tatted-up brunette online. But when he met her in person, he found out she was actually a tatted-up blonde with a pixie cut. But Adey acts like her new hairdo means she's the devil incarnate.

He said, "Honestly, I wanted to back track and get back in the cab." But he didn't. He stayed and had drinks with Lydia because I guess it would be pretty rude to just leave. But he didn't have to accept her kiss in the car after the date! Find your truth, Adey!It looked like Scott might have found a meaningful connection with Carolina, a cute brunette who totally dug his beach date. They laughed the entire date, and they even made out under a blanket. It was a total love connection, but, of course, something had to go wrong—and that's when we learned that Scott is still very involved with his ex-girlfriend. Not "sleeping together" involved (at least I don't think), but "I still pay her bills" involved.


Ex Megan came over to catch up with Scott, and she had no idea that Scott was even dating. When Scott said,"There's only one that's giving you competition," Megan demanded to see her photo. Then Megan lost it: "I almost feel sorry for these girls. They're wasting their time. They're never going to have that connection with him that I had. Ever." She started crying in front of Scott, which is definitely her secret weapon—because Scott completely dismissed her when she tried to give him back his credit card. I see you, Megan! I see you.Clearly his conversation with Megan affected his logic, because he pulled a total 180 on his second date with Carolina. She came over for a wine date on his couch, which should have translated to three hours of making out, but Scott thought it would be a better idea to open up about Megan and Credit Card-Gate. From there, the date was obviously all downhill. Chances are when a date is at your house and she tells you that you miss your ex-girlfriend, that doesn't exactly put her in the mood to "rip your clothes off" (her words, not mine.) Carolina rightfully exited that situation.

On his last date of the episode, Adey went out for Asian food with Masika, a hot model-type who was a great listener. Adey took his walls down a bit, and liked Masika's warm and inviting vibe. They even decide on a second date. Maybe Adey will have his license back by then!

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