Dating

How to Tell If a Perpetual Bachelor Over 40 Will Ever Get Married

Is he dedicated to a life of independence?

Wondering if he’ll ever settle down? Listen, George Clooney did, there’s hope. There are also clues.

Marriage and family therapist Dr. Jane Greer says that in her practice she often deals with the question of if a man will ever settle down. Is a woman who is dating one of these men, especially when he reaches age 40, wasting her time?

What to look for:

“Perpetual bachelors typically remain this way because they may be too attached to their families — mothers, nieces and nephews, etc.,” Dr. Greer explains. “It could be a reluctance to leave that family nest and take on additional responsibilities. They may also be hesitant to commit because they don't feel comfortable enough in their careers. They want to feel grounded in their own lives.”

Another possibility is a bad relationship, she says.

“Maybe it ended abruptly and was never fully resolved. They may still be harboring a fantasy relationship of the partner they think they can find. They aren't sure if that person really exists, but maybe they do — could they find better? No one is good enough.”

Dr. Greer says if you are dating someone you’re interested in marrying, be aware of his age — is he over 40?

“He may be invested in his life of independence. He may not be looking to make a commitment,” she says. "Take inventory of how attached he is to his family, and how invested he is in his work. Is he all in? Has he arrived at where he wants to be in his chosen career?"

“All of these variables could factor into why he isn't ready to make a commitment to you. It has everything to do with himself and his own security. Move forward realistically with what you can expect from this guy, and whether he can be marriage material. Don't go to the deep end of the pool if he's committed to being single.”

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