Secret Crush

Can You Judge the State of Your Relationship From Your Valentine’s Day Plans?

As with many things, it depends.

Valentine’s Day is that time of year where all relationships are judged by a rosy bouquet, caramel-filled chocolates and cuddly teddy bears holding hearts that sport sappy words of love. And, if someone doesn’t live up to the hype, there could be heck to pay. But can you really judge the state of your relationship based on the plans executed on February 14?

“Whether you like it or not, pretty much everybody subscribes to Valentine’s Day, so yes, there could be something to it if you don’t acknowledge it,” says relationship expert and matchmaker Susan Trombetti of Exclusive Matchmaking. But she also points out that’s important to be aware of why it’s not being acknowledged.

In a relationship where a couple is married or have children, “someone may have work obligations or there could be a family crisis — and at the end of the day, it’s just another day,” Trombetti says. “That couple could be planning to share their Valentine’s sentiments on another day because they know how they’ve handled their love all the other days of the year.”

If your significant other is inviting you to meet him at the local happy hour, Trombetti explains, it's “not that there’s anything wrong with that. For the married couple that doesn’t get out much — this could be the ideal romantic night. But at the beginning of a relationship, you’re both making the time and effort to impress one another. So if he doesn’t acknowledge something, even the sappiness surrounding Valentine’s Day, he’s either clueless – or he really doesn’t give a damn about you.”

Trombetti does admit that if the Valentine’s Day efforts have started to feel like an obligation, that could be signs of relationship discord. “I always laugh when I see the guys lined up at the drug store buying those cardboard hearts. To me, it says the relationship is in a stagnant place — and both parties need to step up their game.”

While chocolates and flowers are nice, and jewelry or planning a romantic trip may mean he’s most likely invested in this for the long haul, take note of the guy who plans something truly unexpected, Susan advises.

Sarah, a teacher from Columbus, Ohio, loved to sing. So Brian, who she had been dating for about seven months, bought her a six-week singing package that concluded with a performance in front of a sold-out crowd.

Sarah was so touched — she wound up marrying him.

P.S. It’s real-life confession time! Watch Bravo’s new digital series, Secret Crush, to see what happens when real people reveal their secret crushes — will they fall in love … or fall flat on their faces?

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