Wow, Amy Schumer pulled a fast one on all of us when she married farmer-turned-chef Chris Fischer on Tuesday in Malibu. The comic herself once told Barbara Walters she didn’t know if marriage was “in the cards” for her, and she only broke up with her ex, furniture designer Ben Hanisch, back in May 2017.
But, despite dating for only a short time, one relationship expert we spoke to says rebound relationships can actually often be the love of your life. And someone as brilliant and thoughtful as Amy would know when she met the one, right?
Theresa says on the downside there is the concept of “fatal attraction,” which wa introduced in the mid ’90’s, and explores the idea that we’re attracted to someone for a highly visible quality—for example, someone who loves to exercise or is really ambitious, or really friendly—has a standout quality that draws us to them.
“The research looked at couples and determined that sometimes these highly attractive qualities during the short time, later become the highly disliked qualities,” Theresa says. Much like what you love now will annoy the F out of you later.
“At first it can be ‘I love how ambitious he is’ but now it’s ‘he works 80 hours a week and doesn’t have time for me,’” she says.
So after considering your initial attraction, are you ready to marry this person after this short about of time?
“You have to think full circle about their personality and can you live with the cons as well,” Theresa says.
In six months or under, one problem that can derail a marriage is “unexpected information,” she adds, “surprises, maybe everything’s great but they use money differently than you, this person has different morals, or parenting style, had you spent more time you may have been able to witness this.”
“Sometimes we see sides of people as a function of the context we are in, and dating is an opportunity to put yourself in different social contexts,” she says.
On the upside, (go Amy!) you can really know someone after six months and those surprises turn out to be great.
“Marriage is a transition. People enter it with different expectations, but maybe the marriage provides stability. There is the argument that when things feel right, they feel right. You share the same values and this is indeed your forever partner and one way to recognize that for the world is through marriage.”
Theresa adds that deep down this is something Amy or Chris could have wanted and that was important enough that this was the time.
“Some people just decide and it’s stable and permanent and positive and for their own emotional security,” she adds. “Rebound relationships actually work, they can be the healthiest ones because you often know more clearly what you want, rebound relationships have a bad rap but can be the best things because you have a clearer sense of who you are and what you want.”
While common wisdom advises against rebound relationships because a relationship begun too soon might be an indulgent distraction that prevents individuals from properly dealing with the break-up of the earlier relationship, they can prove surprisingly healthy, Theresa says.
“Less time between a break-up and a new relationship generally predicts greater well-being, higher self-esteem, and more respect for a new partner…Individuals who tend to be emotionally stable were actually more likely to have a shorter amount of time between a relationship’s end and a new one’s beginning.”
Relationship expert Andrea Syrtash says that there's no one formula for everyone.
"I don't advocate rushing to the alter. It takes time and experience to know someone's true character and our brains literally change after the initial rush of romantic love," she says, adding, "That said, Amy is 36 and has likely dated a lot and knows what she wants! And, at her age, she may have fertility on her mind...It's possible she wants to start her family sooner than later with her partner." (But, no, she is not pregnant right now.)
Anyway, it's Amy Schumer, we're sure she knows what she's doing. Mazel to the happy couple!
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