Dear Bravo Readers,
First and foremost, I would like to say thank you so much for taking a ride with me on this. I wouldn't be growing and becoming stronger if it weren't for you all! Thank you for all of the support and love because it means a lot to me.
This has definitely been a crazy year for me and obviously an emotional one. I understand you all think I have a lot of "feelings" and I am constantly emotional, but that's only one part of me. We all have different sides to us and that's what makes us human and beautiful. I am no different than any other person. I know many of you have not agreed with my decisions in the past few episodes, and I will not reiterate why I did what I did.
I do take ownership when I do wrong to someone, and I think it's very clear in the season finale when I ask all the girls to come together for the Tashlich ceremony and I apologized to every single one of them. Believe me -- I try my best not to hurt others, but none of us are saints, and we are definitely not G-d or a higher power.
The reason I love Tashlich so much is because it's a chance to apologize to G-d for all of your sins, a chance to apologize to the people you have done wrong to (despite who is in the right or wrong), and it's about letting go of the past and not dwelling on who did what but to acknowledge forgiveness and start a new. I took ownership at Tashlich that if me going to help save Ashlee was hurtful and wrong to the other girls, then I apologized from the bottom of my heart. I never wanted them to feel like I abandon them or took sides.
I tried to bring the girls together because I do feel I have a bond with each and every one of them, and I try to see each and everyone of their sides. We have all hurt each other at one point or another and therefore, we should have all owned up to our wrongs and apologized. I do not need to get hate just because I felt it was the right thing to do to save someone else's life when I thought she was missing or hurt. I don't condone Ashlee's actions or her behavior a lot of times, and I let her know that. I am not afraid to say it or share it, however, there is a time and a place for everything. I never said Ashlee's health issues were an excuse for her to say mean and ignorant things about people. I expressed that at the time, I felt she needed me whether or not she answered my calls, walked away from me etc... I was trying to be a good friend, and sometimes I overextend myself as a friend and I really shouldn't. I have realized that. My phone was dead at the time, and even though it looked like certain people were trying to help me, I really had no help. I was borrowing people's phones to try and call a car service. Just so you all know, the area we were in, there is only one car service legit. I didn't abandon the girls. I explained to them why I needed to go find her, and I would do it for any of them. I don't need to feel bad or guilty for doing what was right in my heart at the time. Was I a little dramatic? Yes. Looking back and moving forward, I now know there's no reason to get that dramatic and to take more control of my emotions.
This whole season I've seen you make excuses for Ashlee and take her side whenever she is being the "Mean Girl". I'm sure you've heard of the expression, "Lay with dog's & you get flea's". Well when you keep "friends like Ashlee & Casey you're certainly going to wake up with a bad case of Flea's! You're too good to keep such bad company.
You are a good friend but sometimes it takes friends to do what is necessary and in this case tell Ashlee the truth. Whether you want to address it or not, the fact is you did take sides and a friend, a good friend, would tell Ashlee that she was being a drama queen by running away and lying to both her mother and Casey. She put you in a terrible position by leaving you alone and not answering your calls making you worry about her and sadly it was done on purpose for attention.
You allowed her to shirk responsibility for all she did. Friends don't allow their friends to do so, especially in front of not only others but in this case viewers showcasing her as a self-centered immature, lying brat. Her health problems notwithstanding, they have nothing to do with her behavioral issues which are those of an adolescent.
You are also responsible for fanning the flames with Casey and yes, you took responsibility for that but we saw you weren't conveying Ashlee's feelings, we saw you state unequivicably that they were being mean to her and not giving the whole story, that Ashlee was stirring the pot all day.
That said, you seem like a good kind person who learns from their mistakes and I am sure you will do well in life and find someone to love you although it isn't necessary, you want that. But you have to love yourself first and not allow toxic people like Ashlee to lead you astray and badly affect your other relationships.
You are a good friend to Ashlee in your heart. However, you have become her enabler for extreme attention seeking. Sorry to have to say that but it's so obvious that Ashlee uses you as her buffer to an out side world that she is still to immature to handle,even at 30.
Being someone's best friend does not equate to not having the guts to tell them when they are wrong. Ashlee was way out of line from the all-white party right down to the winery. Shame on you for not letting her know this. "Those who see wrong and do nothing to stop it shall be punished." Isn't that what you said?
So articulate, so brave, smart, and insightful but you lack confidence, maturity, and self-awareness. If conquer 2 out of 3 of the negatives you will be married in 6-months. Oh.. no more dancing in public!
I think you have such a great heart! I wish nothing but good things for you in your future!
Your heart is in the right place. You were a pleasure to get to know and watch. I would love to see more of you for sure. I know that you have great things coming and you will find the man of your dreams when you least expect it. Do not let others make you feel bad for trying to be a good friend/person. I think Ashlee is a horrible person and that she sunk this show single handedly (sp?) and I do not blame you for following her, I would have done the same thing. I related to you more than I have EVER related to anyone on a reality show. I genuinely wanted to know more about you and your life. I think the only thing you are guilty of is being a good person. You did so much to try to keep the peace and make everyone happy. It doesn't always work....I know. I just wanted you to know that no matter what "hate" people are spewing that it doesn't take a PhD to see that you did nothing to deserve it. I do think that you need to distance yourself from Ashlee and not just for the show but for YOU because she ONLY thinks of herself. She could care less about you (I know, it hurts, I have been there). I sincerely wish you the best and I hope to see you on the screen again soon. You are great television, you have so many endearing qualities and people want to root for you. Thank you for letting us peek into your life!! <3
Nice slap in the face to Amanda making sure you used a napkin for you iced coffee when you met w/Ashlee after her "whatever" episode.
It was a joy watching you on the show. You represented yourself well and any guy would be lucky to be with such a beautiful, compassionate and spiritual woman. Your loyalty to Ashlee is admirable, but I am surprised that you would be so close to such a fool.
You are a truly lovely person. We all need a process like Tashlich, irregardless of our religious affiliations. You have been a good example of a faith-driven young woman.
I am most impressed with you out of all the ladies on the show. It must be very hard always trying to be the peace maker. That's why I think you should stop... You are trying to captain a sinking ship, a few of the ladies are a mess (especailly Ashlee). Cut your losses and run for the hills. No man, wants to be surrounded by all that childish drama. Remove the foolishness so that you have a clear and unobstructed line to your blessings.
Chanel you are my favorite character in this show because of many reasons. You truly are religious and true to your faith, you see the good in everyone, you don't judge people, you are forgiving and patient and loving and loyal. You also teach your faith in such a lovely way that I really think you should become a rabbi and I am a Catholic! You truly have a calling for your faith and I enjoy learning about your religion from you each week. You are a wonderful example of a young Jewish woman. Keep up the good work and don't be so hard on yourself. We love you!
I agree I think you are a class act and my favorite by far, you're a beautiful person inside and out.
Yorkiemom3That's actually a great idea. Chanel would make a great rabbi!! the only thing is that (Chanel, you can probably answer this) I don't think women can become rabbis in Orthodox and maybe some Conservative Judaic communities....but I'm not Jewish so I'm not 100% sure about the Conservative communities. Knowledgeable people please clarify!
Yorkiemom3 I only caught a few of these shows but I think this blogger has a point. Sometimes when we don't get what we want, it's because there is a more amazing calling for us to fulfill. I encourage you to stop looking for that someone special and embrace the you that has been given to you in serving others. You have a beauty inside and out.
If ANY show needs a reunion its this show.
I would LOVE to hear Ashlee try to explain herself when confronted with viewer comments
I doubt she would even show up
RealisticHousewife Unfortunately, I think Ashlee sunk any chance of this show coming back...BUT I hope I am wrong because I LOVED the show (minus Ashlee)
@RealisticHousewife I would've loved that but you are right she wouldn't have shown. I doubt she has read a single comment. Would like to see this show come back but leave Ashlee out.
You were my favorite and seemed to be the logical one. I admired that you tried to help Ashlee but thought she was so wrong to put you as her friend in that position, I believe Ashlee has some mental health issues due to her parents sheltering her all her life. She is 30 years old and can not do anything on her own. I think she will turn on you if she already hasn't. She is not loyal friend and expects everyone to bow down to her, You are a good person and a friend. I hope you find love and hope you will be back for season 2. I enjoyed watching your journey.
The undertone of your blog sounds like you do understand that Ashlee is not the friend to you that you are to her. She ditched you without a word, when she knew you were staying with her to get her home safely. She wanted attention, and to make everyone involved feel guilty..you didn't deserve that, and her actions that day, were disgraceful. You need to keep her at arm's length, because she has proved that she will dump you in a second if it fits her agenda. You are also right about Casey, who makes it clear she thinks she's better than everyone else, which is laughable. Calling her from the winery was a mistake, but Ashlee put you up to it to gain even more attention and sympathy. At least you've figured that out and know better now. Good luck and don't let yourself be used by people that don't deserve your loyalty.
Coco I loved seeing you on the show. You're a beautiful person inside and out and one day some man will be so lucky to have you as a wife! You have a beautiful spirit. I too am a woman of faith and tend to be the one in the group to see both sides of the stories. Thank you for owning up to your own mistakes in this. I really hated to see you split up in the group and I definitely didn't want you to be in agreement with Casey and Ashlee's immaturity. You seem mature and womanly. I appreciate your efforts to bring your friends together. However I wanted to see you pull Ashlee to the side and let her know her wrong in the situation. I know at the time emotions were high. But clearly Ashlee started everything from the beginning with the attitude that she's better somehow than Joey. Are these the kind of people you call "best friends"?? Your character tells me differently. You're fun and down to earth. How on earth is Ashlee so close to you? She didn't even apologize at the Tashlisch. I know it's none of my business but that was the question I kept asking myself during the show. My girlfriend group, I'm proud to say, is very mature. We're women of faith and there is no way any of the girls would have gotten away from not knowing exactly what each of them did to start the drama. Especially Casey and Ashlee with Ashlee being the culprit.
Good luck on all your endeavors! And yes! I know how you feel when a younger sibling get married before you as the older sibling does. It doesn't feel good either when that sibling produces your parent's first grandchild!! My two cents is to stay busy fulfilling other dreams you have and be interesting. The right guy will come for us soon!!
You are a level headed person who has a kind heart and I appreciate your commitment to your faith and traditions. What came up for me in the last episode is that you may need to break away from these women, you maturity far by passes all of them. Realize what you want for your life and go after it. Your days of refereeing should be over. All of the women are of age, especially the VICTIM (Ashlee) and should know how to behave. Keep of the good work and keep your faith strong.
Very well written blog, and as the other poster said, very telling. Having a friendship end is a terrible thing, but quite frankly Ashlee is dead weight, and you are better off without her. Also couldn't help but notice that Ashlee was the only one that did not atone during Tashlisch, but instead tried to hijack the ceremony and make herself the center of attention. It was really difficult to watch everyone take it so seriously and then have Ashlee disrespect you and your faith like that. Long story short, you seem very self aware, and willing to grow, that will take you as far in life as you want to go.
I agree but Casey didn't exactly atone for her bad behavior either. Chanel needs to find people to support and love her as she does them and I think Joey, Amanda and Erica do, everyone has imperfections, and even with theirs they have shown to be supportive and reasonable, but Casey and Ashlee have not, neither can see beyond their own selfishness and self-centeredness.
Chanel, You are truly a kind and genuine person. It's obvious it's not just for TV either, you simply can't fake that. I would love to have a friend like you! Although I agree that Ashlee's antics were overboard, I don't think many would fault you for staying with her. I didn't take it as "picking sides"...it was simply doing the right thing! The other girls had each other, and Ashlee was by herself. I don't fault the others for leaving, but completely understand your position. I would be upset at Ashlee for ruining your day, but I completely get it. I think you seem to be the kindest soul on the show. I like some of the other girls, and they seem like fun...but you are probably one of the best people to have as a friend. I hope they ALL realize that! Don't put so much pressure on yourself. You are young, and beautiful! Enjoy your fun years, laugh often, love often and always stay genuine! Best of luck to you!
I do think you have a GOOD heart. In regard to ASHLEY, put some distance. She's used to her parents overprotecting her and treating her like a child (ridiculous) but THAT in not your JOB. She ruined your day. FRIENDS are supposed to bring JOY to our life not STRESS.
I do like your blog, but would have loved to see you say at the winery you were wrong too when you stated to Ashlee I have your back and they won't let me talk just know I have your back.. If someone is your true friend you do tell them when they are wrong, not sure you did that with Ashlee and even if you did she would not have listened to you. God forgives us if we ask Him which I'm sure you have. Take care of yourself and let Ashlee go about life telling people what they have done wrong. God Bless you
Great blog and even though Ashlee and Casey were my least favorite characters, I always thought you genuinely wanted to bring things together. You always came from the right place and didn't bash people, whichever side they were on. I also thought Ashlee behaved with a total lack of insight and maturity BUT I do think you were in a position where you had to stay behind and make sure she was okay. I also agree that you should not have sent Casey to intervene wit Erica. One, you guys were totally indirect and ineffective and, 2. Casey comes off as holier than thou to someone she doesn't care for. It is common sense not to pair up Casey for an intervention on Erica. I do think Erica needed one though - but not from someone who looks down on her. Other than that, nothing wrong with caring about people! I thought the Tashlisch is a great idea for sincere people. Many were sincere, and Ashlee ruined that.
Great Blog. It seems like you've realized what wackos those 2 are (Ashlee and Casey) and there is definitely something to be said for someone who can own up to their mistakes, and admit when they may have been wrong rather then make excuses and turn it around on others.
I did enjoy you on the show for the most part. I think you have a really full, loving heart, even to a fault. Keep up the positive. Best of luck to you!
I guess it's nice to see that you don't share Casey's 8th Grade definition of loyalty, and it's nice to see that your blog isn't defending your friends terrible actions. Casey and Ashlee seriously need to grow up, dont let them bring you down.
I can, at the very least, give you props for being introspective and looking at how you behaved in the situation and how you (and the others) can improve. Your friend Ashlee? She couldn't even make a half-hearted attempted. Her blog is full of excuses and non-apologies, while never ONCE admitting her bad behavior. So, while YOU seem somewhat grounded and -- sane -- I struggle to see how or why you continue to be friends with someone so ... not. I wonder if it isn't because you're the nurturing type who feels the need to take care of those who can't take care of themselves. Newsflash: Ashlee can. She's just one of those people who needs attention and revels in others worrying about her, creating drama and situations for fun.
We all have that one friends from high school who wants to KEEP us in high school mode and never quite matures. At some point, you minimize their role in your life because it will start to have an adverse affect on your own growth and maturation. Sometimes, friends just aren't headed to the same place, and that's fine.
Mirily i agree. ashlee was manipulating chanel (and trying to do the same thing to the other girls but only chanel fell for it). chanel, i think your heart is in the right place and you are trying to be a good friend. but i'm sure by now a lot of people have tried to warn you that your friendship is misplaced. your tashlich idea was a very good one. i'm sorry that only ashlee refused to participate and used it yet again to try to put in digs about the other girls. figured you'd get it by then: your supposed best friend didn't even try to honor your shared heritage and wholeheartedly embrace the spirit of forgiveness. instead, she sneered and made a mockery of it. are you sure you want that kind of person in your life? she will continue to use you until you finally have enough and walk away from her. i hope you will soon rise above the toxic cloud that is ashlee.
Great blog! You are a GOOD woman. Girl, they don't make them like you anymore. I don't condone you enabling Ashlee's bad behavior but it came from a good place. Chanel, you are going to find your prince charming. Correction. He's going to find you. Live a full life (without manipulative people though - just a tip)....and he will come. ;)
i too would have stayed at the winery to make sure ashlee made it home safely, because in that situation it was the right thing to do...although i would have been super pissed with her too. it was completely unnecessary and inappropriate for her to run away as amanda/joey/erica made their way to the parking lot. and i certainly would not expect the others to remain behind looking for ashlee either, not after what just went down. it was best for them to leave, just too bad you couldn't join them on the boat.
I find it very telling in your blog you say you "thought at the time she was your best friend" referring to Ashlee. I'm glad that you have come to realize how toxic Ashlee can be & would through you under any bus at any time it feels good to her. Sometimes the best thing a friend can do is step back & let others figure out things for themselves. That's part of Ashlee's problem, everyone always does everything for her. Se needs to grow up!
This blog is so great, and really demonstrates how a reality tv character can acknowledge and take ownership of mistakes, and demonstrate introspection, growth, and maturity. Chanel was wrong to side with Ashlee but did so out of loyalty and love for her friend, which is admirable. I think Chanel is beautiful inside and out!
The situation at the winery was pretty much completely Ashlee's fault (although Erica helped it along a little), but I can see how in the heat of the moment you did what you thought was right. We all make mistakes and you seem to learn from yours which is all anyone can really ask for.
Kudos to you for opening your eyes to seeing yourselves on TV. While I find you the most rational one of the group I am glad you are publicly removing yourself from the Ashlee "poor Me" debacle. It is a shame she hasn't cant see how foolish she looks.
You are the most level headed kind person on this show. Keep being there for the people who appreciate it. For those who don't, side line them and move forward until they grow up. Best of luck to you.