Looks Like I Didn't Go To Jail

Gregg explains how he avoided going to the slammer!

 

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Wow. So, it looks like I didn't go to jail in this episode. Trust me, I'm relieved. I heard about the commercials suggesting that I may be going to the slammer last week while at a function for my Grandmother's birthday and through a semi-panicked conversation with a close friend's mother. I got reports that people in my family looked genuinely concerned that I may not make it to the party because of the spot on Bravo and were very relieved when I showed up. The Zen disagreement: I remember that day with Zen and I in the gym where I asked her to come to court with me.
Now let me first explain that I did, in fact, have an attorney. But he told me it would be no big deal for me to go on my own and due to statute of limitations -- this case would probably be thrown out, so I decided to go on my own. I am an educated, rational person and did not need my intelligence insulted by Zen on this matter OR feel that I had to explain myself to her. I have made and continue to make decisions that affect my life primarily on intuition and foresight. How many people do you know leave their hometown with nothing in their car but pianos, guitars, drums, a few pairs of Adidas and a promise that Interstate 70 becomes I-15 in Utah and all you need to do is take a left?


I walked out of court without as much as paying court costs or a slap on the wrist. I'm not gloating, I'm just saying that I clearly had an accurate handle on the severity of the situation and it ended neatly. Needless to say, this was where Zen and I decided we would be much better as friends. I think people stress out about the "maybes" in life, instead of taking everything in stride ... I stride with the best of 'em. Now on to other issues ... like possibly the longest lesbian kiss in the history of any television station (with the exception of Cinemax After Dark). I mean DAMN. Was it me, or were Jackie and Rebecca doing their thing? To think I was in the other room and didn't break out my camera phone.

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Instead I was there listening to Jesse be mad and Andre disapprove. Not that I didn't agree with either of them, but trust me I would have gotten the abbreviated version later. I could have watched them do that instead of hear them do this. I digress, I'm sure there were some buttons being pressed on many different levels that night which may have hurt a lot of feelings ... but not mine.
Let's see. What else? Jackie sucks at batting cages, cue the goofy circus music. Not that I'm Don Mattingly, but if I was swinging for the fences and made no contact I probably would have started to bunt just to save face ... I have a reputation to protect.

 

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Zen did a great job with her stand-up. For real. I am on stage a lot and I can tell you it can be very unnerving, particularly in LA. It seems like everybody in crowds here needs to be impressed or "shown" something and she was first up. I remember I was in a "Battle of the Bands" and we drew the first position to play and I almost had a panic attack. She did great.

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I was very impressed. I am a very close friend with one of her writing partners and was told she was great, but I had also heard the movie Pearl Harbor was good, so I really had no idea what to expect. She did great. Unfortunately that was overshadowed by light petting and cuddle kisses four rows back. What can you do? Damn hecklers. OK ....That's all I have to say for this week ... you dig? B Nice g dot b dot