Cast Blog: #SHAHS

MJ is a Liar

Recap: The Shahs Peace Summit

Recap: Recipe for Disaster

Asa's Profound and Cathartic Trip

Recap: Reza Pops The Big One

The Return of Lochnesa

Mike: I Will Marry Jessica Soon

Reza Dishes on His Engagement

Recap: Make a Run for the Border

Mike Shouldn't be "Scared" of Other Religions

Recap: Turkey with a Side of Apology

Mike's Inner Struggle

Lilly's Disrespectful Behavior

Mike Takes GG's Side

Recap: Outed by Chihuahuas

Reza: "Lilly Doesn't Understand Friendship"

Lilly's Battle with Foot Boogers

Recap: Always a Lady

Recap: A Little Too Much Diamond Water...

The Shah of Bull Sh--

Reza: "I Wish I Had Kept My Mouth Shut"

Ep 8: Persian Empire Divided

Will Mike Put a Ring on It?

Reza Learns the Power of Apology

Recap: Shah-etiquette

MJ Owes GG a Genuine Apology

What MJ Did was Wrong

Loch-Nesa vs. MJ

Asa's Juice Disaster

Recap: Persian Pride?

MJ's Moral Compass is Way Off

An Offer Lilly Can't Refuse?

Recap: Homo-Not-So-Genius

Mike's Disappointment with Reza

Asa: "I Definitely See Why Reza is Irritated"

Reza on the Fight: "I'm Not Proud of It"

Lilly Needs to "Get More Real"

Reza to Lilly: "Get Off Your High Horse"

Cry Me a River

Mike: Master Negotiator

Lilly: Ain't Nobody Got Time for This

MJ is a Liar

Asa regrets calling MJ a pill-popper, but she does think she needs to change her ways.

One of my favorite things to do in the world is to cruise in my car blasting music. And Reza is the perfect person to do this with. So, jamming to an old Andy song with Reza rolllllin' is the best thing ever!!!

Reza has always been supportive about my work and music and has always given me really good feedback. Reza knows me really well, totally understands my vision, and he has a great business mind -- so I know he's going to get my idea of a Persian Music Festival and my world debut live show.

Here's what I have to say about the "apology" lunch: First off four weeks had already passed with not one text, email, or phone call from Golnesa. Nothing. If she wanted to "apologize," why didn't she reach out to me and said so? (Also very convenient that the "apology" was set up for two days before Cabo).

SO, let me get this straight. . .you raise your hand on a friend, don't call/text/email for four weeks, then you decide to sets up an "apology" lunch two days before a trip, and now I am forced to show up for that? No thank you. I have moved on. And like I said in my text to MJ explaining why I didn't show up: In my world, you have to give Love and Respect to get Love and Respect. She has given me neither and I am fed up with her spoiled brat behavior (which she's proud) and her sense of entitlement. And for me, this is not a matter of an apology. I have long forgiven Golnesa. I just simply don't want her energy in my life. We've been here before and talk is cheap.

Our history has been so repetitive. It's been a series of Golnesa being rude and disrespectful towards me and me understanding and forgiving her. I don't believe her anymore, and I need to get out of this pattern. From the very first time I met her at that group dinner at IIV (Season 1, Episode 1), where she jumped down my throat and called me ghetto and told me to shut up for NO REASON WHATSOEVER, through all the other incidents with her being absolutely rude, condescending, and aggressive, I always had compassion for her and always let it slide thinking "She needs help. It's cool, etc." and thinking it will change. I always was a good friend to her through all her nastiness towards me, but instead of things getting better, things escalated to what they did! Enough is enough.

Golnesa doesn't have any real interest in evolving, which is alright. This is her life and it's certainly not easy for any one of us. We are all on our path and going through different things. Nobody is perfect. But there must be a genuine desire for progress.

We all have a choice in who we have in our lives. This last incident is where I had to draw the line for myself. I really don't want that type of energy in my life anymore.

I truly wish her the best. I forgive her. But I am moving on.

The family meeting was called because (Reza and) I did not want to go on vacation with somebody who just attacked me. Golnesa went too far last time. We both feel very strongly about physical violence, and it is no joke. The last thing I want to do is go to Mexico with an unstable, aggressive, violent person. And if you were me, you would feel the same way. MJ herself said to Golnesa's face that if she had attacked her, she would never want to be in the same room with her again. But MJ is shocked that I don't want to go on vacation with Golnesa? Come on now. There is one person to blame for Golnesa's exclusion in the trip, and that is Golnesa.

And now to the other absurd apology lunch: Where Golnesa (and her father) are waiting for Golnesa's sister to apologize to her -- after she called her pregnant sister a b---- and said she wants to cut her face with a knife (while she was nine-months pregnant). She and her father feel that Leyla owes her an apology? I guess we are from two very different philosophies. It's obvious that her parents never disciplined her and she always got away with everything. Now she is 30 with a huge sense of entitlement and no humility.

Finally: Orale Cabo!!!

Once we arrived, I wanted to just let loose and have fun! The limo bus ride to the hotel was so much fun. We were literally laughing the whole way there.

There is nothing better than tropical beach fun in the sun. I prefer more secluded private places, but being there with my friends was the best. It was so sweet of Lilly to bring us all swim wear! I put on the beautiful bikini she brought me right away and we all hit the pool. The vibe by the pool was super tacky, but oh welllz. I didn't even care who was there or what was going on as long as I've got my crew with me. It really doesn't matter where we are!

We ate, we danced, we drank (some of us more than other LOL) and then I finally did what I had come here here to do -- (which you didn't see) jumped into the ocean. Ahhhhhhh!!! Bliss.

Ok, so we all go to our rooms and freshen up to go to dinner, but where in the world is Mikey Joon??? We were all a bit concerned So, we go to get him from his room. And there he was sound asleep. When he opened his eyes he was looking around and literally didn't know who we were or who he was and where we were. Cabo Wabo.

Dinner started beautiful with deep conversation and MJ talking about her first therapy session. I was really enjoying our dialogue. Then Lilly made a very sweet toast telling MJ that this is the kind of talking she loves to have with her (meaning nice and sincere talk). We were all very interested and engaged in MJ's story until she took a jab (a subtle jab, yet a jab) at Lilly. That's when the vibe of the conversation changed.

I think MJ doesn't realize how sarcastic she is sometimes. She often takes jabs at people and usually says what she wants to say, but wrapped in a sarcastic remark and is never accountable for her jabs. From there on we went down the blackhole of MJ's backtracking with lies and illusions.

There are many great qualities MJ has and I love her (even though we are currently not on speaking terms), however she is a liar and cannot keep it real.

This is about MJ and her accountability. She calls Lilly a Chia Pet to me and not just once. Don't call anybody anything behind their back if you're not willing to say it to their face. First MJ said she never called her a Chia Pet (a lie), then she said she only said it to Reza (a lie), then she said it's a term of endearment. MJ is a liar and needs to be more accountable for her words. OR MJ is really living in a parallel universe where she says/and does whatever she wants when she is out of it then can always deny/forget what she says. This has become very easy for her.

A good start would be being real with herself and living in a at least a somewhat sober reality and not a cluster of lies and illusions. She keeps swearing on her Dad's life with all this stuff, which is very tacky particularly while she is lying. Of course, it's also possible that she was drunk at the time and forgot the next day, which is obviously a strong possibility with MJ as well.

Then she started going down the ugly mean road of mocking my art/expression/existence and making fun of me talking about galactic spaceship and pop priestess. Those were low blows and uncalled for and with that the tone of the convo really changed for me.

That was very mean of her to take it there and make fun of me and my work in front of everybody, especially while she was lying about the chia pet comment (and that was what this whole thing was about). If

I was more insecure I would have been devastated by her comment about me. I'm tired of people around me playing dirty and taking jabs at me while I stay chill. I am done with it. You wanna go there, fine I'll go there with you. So, I made the pill comment.

Was it right to say that in front of everybody? No. Even though everybody talks about MJ's drinking (etc.) problem all the time openly to each other, I don't talk behind people's back. I straight up say it to their face. But this particular matter should have been discussed in private. She started down that road and I stupidly went down it with her, mainly so she sees what it feels like. I felt bad that I said it and it was a mistake. That's not who I am. Next time somebody pushes my buttons by insulting me, I will still not insult them back. It's cheap and tacky either way.

When MJ was blurting the MOST disgusting names at me from behind the bushes, I realized that I pushed a very sensitive button and she wasn't ready to deal with it. After seeing how she (over)reacted about my comment, I realized that it was wrong to say it in that setting.

But in all honesty, I really wasn't aware of the magnitude of the problem until I saw her extreme and ugly reaction. It's very difficult being close with somebody going through something like this.

If I had known what a serious problem this was, I definitely would not have made the comment.

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Recap: Reza Pops The Big One

Ep 14: Reza shocks everyone with his proposal to Adam.

After the Turkey episodes ended, I was thinking to myself, how the hell are they going to top that? Well…an engagement, I guess.

Besides Reza proposing to Adam on his 40th birthday, there was a lot more going on like: Mike and Reza untying the work knot, MJ having a high school reunion at the fertility clinic, and a bunch of Persians sliding on a piece of plastic. Oh and let’s not forget the rise of Lochnesa.

Let’s first start with Mike and Reza untying the knot. These two guys have gone back and fourth all season. Mike claims Reza hasn’t done anything for him, and Reza claims Mike is lazy. So which is it? I’m sure the truth lies somewhere in the middle. I will say this (and Reza has said this before): no one leaves a thriving business to start a new venture. Last season Mike made it quite clear that the commercial real estate business wasn’t where it was and that he needed to move on to something else. Truth is, Mike had to put in more legwork. Success doesn’t come overnight. However, I’m sure there is some truth to Reza not giving Mike the full attention he needed. But the good news is the two guys have gotten back to what’s really important in life -- friendship. God, I felt like I was watching an awkward break-up with the cliché conclusion of “we’re better off as friends.”

While we’re on the topic of Mike let’s talk about how he told Jessica that they’d get married by the time they’re 40. 40? Really Mike? 40? UM…Can I just say kudos to Jessica for putting Mike in his place and telling him that it doesn’t take five years to buy a ring. She’s right, she’s a good girl, has a good head on her shoulders, comes from a good family, and let’s not forget that she’s CONVERTING religions for Mike. Now, I know Mike wants to “blind the haters,” but he needs to get over himself and just put a ring on it, or he’ll lose Jessica. If you love someone, you can get them a lifesaver ring and it won’t matter. He can “blind the haters” when he makes more money down the line, but he needs to lock Jessica down or someone else will come and scoop her up. Let’s move on to MJ’s eggs. After MJ’s realization at the spa with Vida, she accompanied GG at the fertility doctor. I’m sure MJ didn’t love the surprise high school reunion with the doctor. I’d be mortified, but my embarrassment threshold is slightly lower than our beloved Shahs. I smell babies in Season 4 or 5 of the Shahs. GG said she doesn’t care about a man; she just wants to have babies. With that said, how amazing would it be to see GG and MJ at the sperm bank next season? I can just see GG thumbing through the book of frozen daddies.

Profile:
Donor ID: 3425 (GG: I like his name…he must be good at math)
DOB: 6/15/1990 (GG: Oh! He’s a Gemini! Two Personalities! Lochnesa and I will love him)
Blood Type: A+ (GG: Oh good! He’s a good student)
Occupation: Horse Trainer (GG: Maybe he can hook me up with hair for GG’s extensions?)
Hobbies: Spelunking (GG: Great! He can help me find my butthole.)

I can go on for hours…

Let’s move on to Reza’s birthday turned engagement party. Where do I start first? The Slip ‘n' Slide or Reza’s ode to the Iron Sheik? Reza looks like a cross between the Iron Sheik and the Burger King mascot:

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As for the Slip 'n' Slide. Take note, Persians will only go on a Slip ‘n’ Slide if there is a pot of gold waiting at the end. We’re like the leprechauns of the middle-east…

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Oh and can we just comment on Lochnessa’s bone to pick with MJ? I laughed so hard when she said “a knot,” and MJ responded, “What’s a knot?” I’ve been that drunk where I can’t comprehend simple words. Like the time I couldn’t think of the word “kitten” and called it a “cat puppy.” Yeah, that happened, but that’s a whole other story…

On to Reza’s engagement. I was so shocked he asked Adam to marry him. Reza always talked about being such a playboy and I’m so happy that he’s found a man that he wants to be with and STAY with. Adam seems like the sweetest thing and the yin to Reza’s yang. You could tell how nervous Reza was. He had the most nervous laugh! It was really sweet. I smell a gay Bravo wedding next year!

While all of this was going on, Mike did not seem too happy. I’m not sure how he felt watching it, but hopefully he got the message that he needs to put a ring on it before Jessica converts out of the relationship. I don’t know what will make her leave faster? No ring, or the fact that Mike always gets barged in on while doing the nasty. Personally, I think Mike likes to be barged in on. It’s more opportunity for him to show off his doodool talah.

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Meanwhile, as the gang was having a grand ol’ time at the party, Lilly was flying solo with Coconut, ordering in. I felt bad seeing Lilly by herself while everyone was having fun. It leaves me to wonder what will happen to Lilly next season? She doesn’t get along with MJ. Her and Reza aren’t on the best terms…but she’s on OK terms with the rest of the group. The reunion should be interesting to say the least.

Until next week…

Comments? Tweet me @nadinerajabi

Nadine Rajabi is a television producer, writer, and stand-up comedian from Los Angeles. Most importantly she's Bravo’s in-house Persian.