Cast Blog: #SHAHS

Asa's Free License

Recap: The Shahs Peace Summit

Recap: Recipe for Disaster

Asa's Profound and Cathartic Trip

Recap: Reza Pops The Big One

The Return of Lochnesa

Mike: I Will Marry Jessica Soon

Reza Dishes on His Engagement

Recap: Make a Run for the Border

Mike Shouldn't be "Scared" of Other Religions

Recap: Turkey with a Side of Apology

Mike's Inner Struggle

Lilly's Disrespectful Behavior

Mike Takes GG's Side

Recap: Outed by Chihuahuas

Reza: "Lilly Doesn't Understand Friendship"

Lilly's Battle with Foot Boogers

Recap: Always a Lady

Recap: A Little Too Much Diamond Water...

The Shah of Bull Sh--

Reza: "I Wish I Had Kept My Mouth Shut"

Ep 8: Persian Empire Divided

Will Mike Put a Ring on It?

Reza Learns the Power of Apology

Recap: Shah-etiquette

MJ Owes GG a Genuine Apology

What MJ Did was Wrong

Loch-Nesa vs. MJ

Asa's Juice Disaster

Recap: Persian Pride?

MJ's Moral Compass is Way Off

An Offer Lilly Can't Refuse?

Recap: Homo-Not-So-Genius

Mike's Disappointment with Reza

Asa: "I Definitely See Why Reza is Irritated"

Reza on the Fight: "I'm Not Proud of It"

Lilly Needs to "Get More Real"

Reza to Lilly: "Get Off Your High Horse"

Cry Me a River

Mike: Master Negotiator

Lilly: Ain't Nobody Got Time for This

Asa's Free License

MJ thinks the whole fight could have been avoided if Asa had just considered Omid's feelings.

Finally!

Episode 2 opens with GG and I taking the doggies to the Zoom Room. I'm thinking I'm gonna see GG alone, and help her fill in the blanks from the night before. I knew she wasn't going to remember everything. When you drink to that point (and yes, we all saw when I was there), it scares you straight, and forces you to curb your drinking and not let it happen again.

However, GG was really thrown aback by Asa's repeated comments about Omid's nose. We just met Omid for the first time, and Asa gave herself license to comment casually and publicly in a way that would be construed as rude by most people. We'll revisit this later in the episode.

Asa's Lunch With the Family
Zinat Khanoom's opinion represents the majority of every Persian parent on the planet: they want us to pursue a secure vocation that pays the bills and provides a comfortable life. Asa's decision to move back into the home that created income for her is a tremendous undertaking, and her mom's concern is that Asa is putting the cart before the horse.

Lilly, bless her heart. What will come out of her mouth next? It's unfortunate she was miserable practicing law, and I truly hope she'll find success and happiness in her swimsuit business. The crash course about crotch strips was very informative. But the comment about an AIDS infected liner was shameful. I hope that viewers are not misled to thinking HIV is an airborne virus. We need to spread more awareness, not ignorance.

I'm glad the viewers got to meet my dad because he's a big part of my daily life and I'm really glad to share that with everyone. Watching a nurturing father-daughter moment was a precious moment for me.

Reza and Lilly at Lunch
Wow, Reza, really? You're that quick to throw your friends under the bus because your new client has a nicer Rolex than yours? It's one thing to admire someone's bling, but its a WHOLE OTHER thing to admire someone ONLY for their bling. Lilly's statement, "Looking at these girls makes me realize how f---ing fabulous I am." No comment needed, it speaks for itself.

Mike and Jessica
I've never seen Mike this happy and certainly not about a person he's dating. Before Jessica, he always had a cloud of confusion about the girls he dated because he wasn't with the right girl. I think she might be the one. I'm happy for them.

Asa Takes Reza to a Psychic
LOL. Asa, takes her soulmate, Reza, to a hookah bar to meet a gypsy fortune teller, named Shohreh. Since Asa doesn't know Reza well enough, she has no idea how horrified and uncomfortable he is. When Reza thanked Asa for the surprise, what he was really thinking was, he'd rather press a button for a trap door that will dump him straight into LA sewer to get out of there.

Oy, my first therapy session. I'm glad I started seeing Dr. Michelle. Before sitting down with her, I had never ever acknowledged significant events in my childhood. I feel really fortunate to discover this. I really want to work out these trust issues that I never knew I had.

Pool Party
Reza and I get to the pool party and little did I know that he's planning to forge a partnership with Mike, between tequila shots? I wish them nothing but success, but what's the "forget MJ" all about? Just because I let him move his little desk into my corner office doesn't make us partners in business. Mixing business with pleasure became a toxic work environment. Lesson learned.

So we finally get to the Omid/GG/Asa thing. Omid did well breaking it down to Asa. He pointed out that in the context of just meeting her, her comment was simply rude and brash. It could have all ended there if Asa acknowledged that and apologized.

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I know that Asa truly did not see it their way, and then we all saw how it escalated. I pulled GG back, but I was shocked it got that far. I know both girls had the best intentions to start out, but never had a meeting of the minds.

Recap: Reza Pops The Big One

Ep 14: Reza shocks everyone with his proposal to Adam.

After the Turkey episodes ended, I was thinking to myself, how the hell are they going to top that? Well…an engagement, I guess.

Besides Reza proposing to Adam on his 40th birthday, there was a lot more going on like: Mike and Reza untying the work knot, MJ having a high school reunion at the fertility clinic, and a bunch of Persians sliding on a piece of plastic. Oh and let’s not forget the rise of Lochnesa.

Let’s first start with Mike and Reza untying the knot. These two guys have gone back and fourth all season. Mike claims Reza hasn’t done anything for him, and Reza claims Mike is lazy. So which is it? I’m sure the truth lies somewhere in the middle. I will say this (and Reza has said this before): no one leaves a thriving business to start a new venture. Last season Mike made it quite clear that the commercial real estate business wasn’t where it was and that he needed to move on to something else. Truth is, Mike had to put in more legwork. Success doesn’t come overnight. However, I’m sure there is some truth to Reza not giving Mike the full attention he needed. But the good news is the two guys have gotten back to what’s really important in life -- friendship. God, I felt like I was watching an awkward break-up with the cliché conclusion of “we’re better off as friends.”

While we’re on the topic of Mike let’s talk about how he told Jessica that they’d get married by the time they’re 40. 40? Really Mike? 40? UM…Can I just say kudos to Jessica for putting Mike in his place and telling him that it doesn’t take five years to buy a ring. She’s right, she’s a good girl, has a good head on her shoulders, comes from a good family, and let’s not forget that she’s CONVERTING religions for Mike. Now, I know Mike wants to “blind the haters,” but he needs to get over himself and just put a ring on it, or he’ll lose Jessica. If you love someone, you can get them a lifesaver ring and it won’t matter. He can “blind the haters” when he makes more money down the line, but he needs to lock Jessica down or someone else will come and scoop her up. Let’s move on to MJ’s eggs. After MJ’s realization at the spa with Vida, she accompanied GG at the fertility doctor. I’m sure MJ didn’t love the surprise high school reunion with the doctor. I’d be mortified, but my embarrassment threshold is slightly lower than our beloved Shahs. I smell babies in Season 4 or 5 of the Shahs. GG said she doesn’t care about a man; she just wants to have babies. With that said, how amazing would it be to see GG and MJ at the sperm bank next season? I can just see GG thumbing through the book of frozen daddies.

Profile:
Donor ID: 3425 (GG: I like his name…he must be good at math)
DOB: 6/15/1990 (GG: Oh! He’s a Gemini! Two Personalities! Lochnesa and I will love him)
Blood Type: A+ (GG: Oh good! He’s a good student)
Occupation: Horse Trainer (GG: Maybe he can hook me up with hair for GG’s extensions?)
Hobbies: Spelunking (GG: Great! He can help me find my butthole.)

I can go on for hours…

Let’s move on to Reza’s birthday turned engagement party. Where do I start first? The Slip ‘n' Slide or Reza’s ode to the Iron Sheik? Reza looks like a cross between the Iron Sheik and the Burger King mascot:

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As for the Slip 'n' Slide. Take note, Persians will only go on a Slip ‘n’ Slide if there is a pot of gold waiting at the end. We’re like the leprechauns of the middle-east…

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Oh and can we just comment on Lochnessa’s bone to pick with MJ? I laughed so hard when she said “a knot,” and MJ responded, “What’s a knot?” I’ve been that drunk where I can’t comprehend simple words. Like the time I couldn’t think of the word “kitten” and called it a “cat puppy.” Yeah, that happened, but that’s a whole other story…

On to Reza’s engagement. I was so shocked he asked Adam to marry him. Reza always talked about being such a playboy and I’m so happy that he’s found a man that he wants to be with and STAY with. Adam seems like the sweetest thing and the yin to Reza’s yang. You could tell how nervous Reza was. He had the most nervous laugh! It was really sweet. I smell a gay Bravo wedding next year!

While all of this was going on, Mike did not seem too happy. I’m not sure how he felt watching it, but hopefully he got the message that he needs to put a ring on it before Jessica converts out of the relationship. I don’t know what will make her leave faster? No ring, or the fact that Mike always gets barged in on while doing the nasty. Personally, I think Mike likes to be barged in on. It’s more opportunity for him to show off his doodool talah.

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Meanwhile, as the gang was having a grand ol’ time at the party, Lilly was flying solo with Coconut, ordering in. I felt bad seeing Lilly by herself while everyone was having fun. It leaves me to wonder what will happen to Lilly next season? She doesn’t get along with MJ. Her and Reza aren’t on the best terms…but she’s on OK terms with the rest of the group. The reunion should be interesting to say the least.

Until next week…

Comments? Tweet me @nadinerajabi

Nadine Rajabi is a television producer, writer, and stand-up comedian from Los Angeles. Most importantly she's Bravo’s in-house Persian.