Cast Blog: #SHAHS

A Hot, Hot Mess

Recap: The Shahs Peace Summit

Recap: Recipe for Disaster

Asa's Profound and Cathartic Trip

Recap: Reza Pops The Big One

The Return of Lochnesa

Mike: I Will Marry Jessica Soon

Reza Dishes on His Engagement

Recap: Make a Run for the Border

Mike Shouldn't be "Scared" of Other Religions

Recap: Turkey with a Side of Apology

Mike's Inner Struggle

Lilly's Disrespectful Behavior

Mike Takes GG's Side

Recap: Outed by Chihuahuas

Reza: "Lilly Doesn't Understand Friendship"

Lilly's Battle with Foot Boogers

Recap: Always a Lady

Recap: A Little Too Much Diamond Water...

The Shah of Bull Sh--

Reza: "I Wish I Had Kept My Mouth Shut"

Ep 8: Persian Empire Divided

Will Mike Put a Ring on It?

Reza Learns the Power of Apology

Recap: Shah-etiquette

MJ Owes GG a Genuine Apology

What MJ Did was Wrong

Loch-Nesa vs. MJ

Asa's Juice Disaster

Recap: Persian Pride?

MJ's Moral Compass is Way Off

An Offer Lilly Can't Refuse?

Recap: Homo-Not-So-Genius

Mike's Disappointment with Reza

Asa: "I Definitely See Why Reza is Irritated"

Reza on the Fight: "I'm Not Proud of It"

Lilly Needs to "Get More Real"

Reza to Lilly: "Get Off Your High Horse"

Cry Me a River

Mike: Master Negotiator

Lilly: Ain't Nobody Got Time for This

A Hot, Hot Mess

Lilly explains why she chose not to drink on the trip and what she thinks of MJ's pill popping.

In Episode 6 the Shahs take a trip! Mike was kind enough to invite everyone to Mexico. I don’t know him that well, so I was really flattered when I got his invite.

I have been to Mexico more times than I can count, I love Mexico, but I have never been to Mexico on a Cabo Wabo party type trip. My previous trips were relaxing beach getaways, or soaking in all the beautiful culture and history Mexico has to offer. As for the party side, I’ve seen the Girls Gone Wild infomercials, I’ve heard insane stories from friends, but I’ve never experienced it first hand, and I have to admit, I am a little scared lol.

The group (Reza, Asa, MJ and Mike) holds a family meeting before the trip to discuss some reservations Asa and Reza have about coming if GG is going to be there. Mike is such a nice guy, so he’s naturally invited everyone. They ultimately decide that it would be best to un-invite GG on the trip since neither Reza nor Asa will go if she does. MJ also attempts to get me uninvited. How shocking.

We all meet up at LAX airport in LA. It is 11 am, our flight is only two hours long, but as soon as we board MJ tells me she just took an Ambien prescription sleeping pill. She didn’t sleep at all during the short flight, but I did see her down at least four of those mini bottles of liquor. Alcohol and Ambien? That sounds to me like a cocktail she may want to reconsider.

MJ’s friend Sammy is trying to get me to drink from the moment we arrive. He is visibly angered by the fact that I don’t drink alcohol. Alcohol is an addictive drug, just because it is legal doesn’t make it safe. Granted in moderation it is not dangerous, but hundreds of thousands of people die every year in the U.S .from alcohol poisoning, liver/kidney disease, or as a result of a drunk driver. I personally have lost extended family members due to drunk drivers, and I have had a friend die in his sleep due to asphyxiation from his own vomit after only three drinks.

I don’t like alcohol, I don’t drink alcohol, and I don’t want it to be forced upon me. I have zero problem with people around me drinking (as long as they don’t drive and endanger innocent lives), but for me personally, I’ll pass.

We arrive to the room and we have the most beautiful suite! We each have private sleeping quarters, but we also have a gorgeous common area, it’s perfect. Mike totally hooked us up! I co-own a line of women’s Swimwear called Have Faith Swimgerie, so I decide to bring each of the girls a gift from my line to start the trip off on a loving note. I realize MJ doesn’t like me, but I don’t want her to feel left out, so I bring her a red tunic that I think will look beautiful on her (and it does!).

We get down to the pool, and, well, it’s INSANE. It is a sweaty, drunken, hot mess. People are making out, screaming, belching, urinating in the pool, it’s nothing like I have ever experienced. Even the Shahs are out of control! I’m traumatized and secretly loving it all at the same time. Even though it is not my scene, I am enjoying experiencing something new and wild with my new group of friends. I definitely won’t ever be doing it again, but at least I can say I’ve tried it!

After the “pool party”, we decide to head to dinner, sans Mikey who had a little too much fun at the party. LOL. MJ begins to tell us a story about her first therapy session. I am so touched by the first normal conversation we are having, that I decide to make a toast to her. It was very genuine and sincere. I meant every word I said.

A few minutes later, however, a HUGE argument ensues between Asa, MJ, and Reza about whether or not MJ has ever asked about me, or said anything negative about me. MJ insists that she has never done so. Wait, do we live on the same planet?

Everyone is entitled to his or her opinion, even if it is negative towards you. But, be real with what you say and stand by those opinions. Don’t be a coward and deny something you said behind someone’s back once they are in front of your face. No one will respect or believe anything else you have to say.

The argument quickly turns to an accusation of MJ being a “pill popper”. I realize Asa threw it at her quite rudely, but the reality of the situation is MJ’s friends are worried that she may have a real problem abusing prescription drugs and alcohol. I don’t even know MJ that well, but in less than 24 hours I’ve already witnessed her take an Ambien in the middle of the day and then drinking on it instead of sleeping. Oh boy, this is getting heavy. .  .

I tried not to get involved in the argument and finish my dinner instead, Mike is lucky he missed out on this one. The night isn’t over yet, tune in next week to see what happens.

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Recap: Reza Pops The Big One

Ep 14: Reza shocks everyone with his proposal to Adam.

After the Turkey episodes ended, I was thinking to myself, how the hell are they going to top that? Well…an engagement, I guess.

Besides Reza proposing to Adam on his 40th birthday, there was a lot more going on like: Mike and Reza untying the work knot, MJ having a high school reunion at the fertility clinic, and a bunch of Persians sliding on a piece of plastic. Oh and let’s not forget the rise of Lochnesa.

Let’s first start with Mike and Reza untying the knot. These two guys have gone back and fourth all season. Mike claims Reza hasn’t done anything for him, and Reza claims Mike is lazy. So which is it? I’m sure the truth lies somewhere in the middle. I will say this (and Reza has said this before): no one leaves a thriving business to start a new venture. Last season Mike made it quite clear that the commercial real estate business wasn’t where it was and that he needed to move on to something else. Truth is, Mike had to put in more legwork. Success doesn’t come overnight. However, I’m sure there is some truth to Reza not giving Mike the full attention he needed. But the good news is the two guys have gotten back to what’s really important in life -- friendship. God, I felt like I was watching an awkward break-up with the cliché conclusion of “we’re better off as friends.”

While we’re on the topic of Mike let’s talk about how he told Jessica that they’d get married by the time they’re 40. 40? Really Mike? 40? UM…Can I just say kudos to Jessica for putting Mike in his place and telling him that it doesn’t take five years to buy a ring. She’s right, she’s a good girl, has a good head on her shoulders, comes from a good family, and let’s not forget that she’s CONVERTING religions for Mike. Now, I know Mike wants to “blind the haters,” but he needs to get over himself and just put a ring on it, or he’ll lose Jessica. If you love someone, you can get them a lifesaver ring and it won’t matter. He can “blind the haters” when he makes more money down the line, but he needs to lock Jessica down or someone else will come and scoop her up. Let’s move on to MJ’s eggs. After MJ’s realization at the spa with Vida, she accompanied GG at the fertility doctor. I’m sure MJ didn’t love the surprise high school reunion with the doctor. I’d be mortified, but my embarrassment threshold is slightly lower than our beloved Shahs. I smell babies in Season 4 or 5 of the Shahs. GG said she doesn’t care about a man; she just wants to have babies. With that said, how amazing would it be to see GG and MJ at the sperm bank next season? I can just see GG thumbing through the book of frozen daddies.

Profile:
Donor ID: 3425 (GG: I like his name…he must be good at math)
DOB: 6/15/1990 (GG: Oh! He’s a Gemini! Two Personalities! Lochnesa and I will love him)
Blood Type: A+ (GG: Oh good! He’s a good student)
Occupation: Horse Trainer (GG: Maybe he can hook me up with hair for GG’s extensions?)
Hobbies: Spelunking (GG: Great! He can help me find my butthole.)

I can go on for hours…

Let’s move on to Reza’s birthday turned engagement party. Where do I start first? The Slip ‘n' Slide or Reza’s ode to the Iron Sheik? Reza looks like a cross between the Iron Sheik and the Burger King mascot:

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As for the Slip 'n' Slide. Take note, Persians will only go on a Slip ‘n’ Slide if there is a pot of gold waiting at the end. We’re like the leprechauns of the middle-east…

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Oh and can we just comment on Lochnessa’s bone to pick with MJ? I laughed so hard when she said “a knot,” and MJ responded, “What’s a knot?” I’ve been that drunk where I can’t comprehend simple words. Like the time I couldn’t think of the word “kitten” and called it a “cat puppy.” Yeah, that happened, but that’s a whole other story…

On to Reza’s engagement. I was so shocked he asked Adam to marry him. Reza always talked about being such a playboy and I’m so happy that he’s found a man that he wants to be with and STAY with. Adam seems like the sweetest thing and the yin to Reza’s yang. You could tell how nervous Reza was. He had the most nervous laugh! It was really sweet. I smell a gay Bravo wedding next year!

While all of this was going on, Mike did not seem too happy. I’m not sure how he felt watching it, but hopefully he got the message that he needs to put a ring on it before Jessica converts out of the relationship. I don’t know what will make her leave faster? No ring, or the fact that Mike always gets barged in on while doing the nasty. Personally, I think Mike likes to be barged in on. It’s more opportunity for him to show off his doodool talah.

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Meanwhile, as the gang was having a grand ol’ time at the party, Lilly was flying solo with Coconut, ordering in. I felt bad seeing Lilly by herself while everyone was having fun. It leaves me to wonder what will happen to Lilly next season? She doesn’t get along with MJ. Her and Reza aren’t on the best terms…but she’s on OK terms with the rest of the group. The reunion should be interesting to say the least.

Until next week…

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Nadine Rajabi is a television producer, writer, and stand-up comedian from Los Angeles. Most importantly she's Bravo’s in-house Persian.