Cast Blog: #SHAHS

Recap: Last Tango In Westwood

Recap: The Shahs Peace Summit

Recap: Recipe for Disaster

Asa's Profound and Cathartic Trip

Recap: Reza Pops The Big One

The Return of Lochnesa

Mike: I Will Marry Jessica Soon

Reza Dishes on His Engagement

Recap: Make a Run for the Border

Mike Shouldn't be "Scared" of Other Religions

Recap: Turkey with a Side of Apology

Mike's Inner Struggle

Lilly's Disrespectful Behavior

Mike Takes GG's Side

Recap: Outed by Chihuahuas

Reza: "Lilly Doesn't Understand Friendship"

Lilly's Battle with Foot Boogers

Recap: Always a Lady

Recap: A Little Too Much Diamond Water...

The Shah of Bull Sh--

Reza: "I Wish I Had Kept My Mouth Shut"

Ep 8: Persian Empire Divided

Will Mike Put a Ring on It?

Reza Learns the Power of Apology

Recap: Shah-etiquette

MJ Owes GG a Genuine Apology

What MJ Did was Wrong

Loch-Nesa vs. MJ

Asa's Juice Disaster

Recap: Persian Pride?

MJ's Moral Compass is Way Off

An Offer Lilly Can't Refuse?

Recap: Homo-Not-So-Genius

Mike's Disappointment with Reza

Asa: "I Definitely See Why Reza is Irritated"

Reza on the Fight: "I'm Not Proud of It"

Lilly Needs to "Get More Real"

Reza to Lilly: "Get Off Your High Horse"

Cry Me a River

Mike: Master Negotiator

Lilly: Ain't Nobody Got Time for This

Recap: Last Tango In Westwood

Nadine reflects on all the love and progress in the season finale.

It’s the season finale of Shahs. What a long ride it’s been. I know we still have the two-part reunion and a lost footage episode to come, but I’m already going through withdrawals thinking about not having my Shahs fix.

I loved this episode for many reasons. It tied up most of the story lines, but still left some things open-ended to keep me wanting more in the reunion.

. . .Let’s dive right in!

Last week the episode left off with GG at the dinner party about to confront Asa. Though the confrontation happened, her big apology was certainly not how Reza, nor anyone else had planned. She basically said she didn’t mean to violate Asa in a physical form, but she’s not sorry for “the source of her anger.” Then a series of “wack” things ensued. Before I go on, let’s distinguish what the word "wack" or "whack" means so there’s no confusion about the tone with which this exchange went down:

According to Urban Dictionary:

Wack or Whack (Adjective
1. Lame, sorry ass, aint even legit
2. Something that just plain sucks, or isn’t cool at all. Lame. Sentence: In the famous words of Whitney Houston, “Crack is Whack.”

So. . .Asa calls GG and her apology “wack,” to which GG responds with her signature crazy eyes and oddball behavior, chanting “wha-wha-wha-wack!!!” Sister’s clearly not doing herself any favors. She came there to turn over a new leaf and at first sign of conflict resorts back to her same old ways. Maybe she should give Asa’s love energy-infused diamond water a try. I’ve heard it’s a surefire cure for wack.

Asa responds to GG’s scene by saying, “It sounds complicated.”

Translation: @AsaSoltan likes to speak in social network vocab. It’s the new SAT. #bigwords

After Asa decided to leave the table, Mike tried to school GG on how to apologize to people. Easy for him to say. He’s got backup. #Goldendoodool

Long story short, the whole dinner was a waste of time and everyone still hates GG. Basically, the whole night was wack!

Moving along, we see MJ and Vida putting their therapy exercises to the test with a girls’ day out shopping! Vida did great, and gave some sound advice to MJ, “Wear chiffon!” That should really be the answer to every Persian girl’s problems. Feeling heavy? Wear chiffon! Bad day at work? Wear Chiffon! Have an evil mother? Wear Chiffon! Translation: What Windex is to Greek people, Chiffon is to Persians.

Later that day Lilly paid Asa a visit to confide in her about her relationship woes. She finally realized she didn’t want to be with the famous Persian Cowboy from Texas, Ali Baba. THANK YOU, LILLY! I’m glad we were able to get this realization before the season ended. I have to say this was the first time I’ve ever seen Lilly vulnerable, oh AND EATING! It was nice. See what food can do, Lilly? You go girl, eat your feelings!

After therapy with Lilly at Casa de Asa, our Persian Pop Priestess headed to her Persiapalooza rehearsal. At rehearsal, one of the dancers said to Asa, “We just have to go over this a couple times and it’s going to be gold.” Translation: We’re f---ed.

Asa gets on the mic to rehearse her song, and she messes up. Some advice? Knowing your song before your big day might help. Just saying. The big realization of the day: Asa realizes when she moves, her tone changes. . .annndd that’s why Beyonce lip-synced at the inauguration. Just sayin’. . .

While Asa desperately tries to learn all the words and dance moves before Persiapalooza, Mike goes to visit his family and asks his parents permission to take his relationship with Jessica to the next level. It was a very sweet moment to see Mike with his parents, and to see how accepting his parents were. In the Persian culture (as Mike has said), it’s a very big deal for Jewish families to marry Jewish. Moms always want their Jewish boy to bring home nice Jewish girl. It’s a very old school way of thinking, but it exists with religion/race, you name it.

I’m not Jewish, but I’ve encountered the whole “bring a nice Persian boy home.” My mom tried to set me up with a nice Persian guy one time. Well, she actually tried to introduce me to two of them at the same party so I had a choice. She’s a gem, and so progressive. I had a choice! Anyway, when I walked into the party I felt like I was at the Persian Bachelor rose ceremony. One was a doctor, while the other was a pilot. The only thing I could tell my mom was, “Mom, I think it’s pretty safe to say I won’t be dating a middle-eastern pilot anytime soon.” And that was the last time she ever tried to set me up with ANYONE.

Sorry, I get sidetracked easily. . .

Moving back to Shahs. As the relationship/Persiapalooza episode continued we saw Reza with his man at the beach. We learned that Reza doesn’t care about sea glass like white people do, but at least he cared enough to go on a glass hunt for Adam. We also learned that Reza is “trying,” but he’s also OK with his Facebook status reading, “It’s complicated.” See what I’m saying? What is it with Persians and facebook vocab? They used to learn their English from The Price is Right in the 80’s, but now it’s the internet. Times have changed. . .

Back to Reza and Adam being “complicated…”

Translation: I love you, but I’m just not attracted to. . .your armpits. Hey, like he said. . .he’s “trying!”

And while we’re talking about relationships, I have to mention this quickly, and I mean quickly. . .MJ and Drizzy? WTF? Red Pants/Vest guy? She’s going to chew him up and spit him out. I can’t see this one lasting, but at least she’s getting laid.

Meanwhile, as all of this is going on, Asa gets ready for her big event. This is her first ever stage show and her first time headlining. It usually takes people years and years and years to headline, but our Persian Pop Priestess is ready! She wants to keep Persian pop culture alive because we don’t have Persian pop culture…yet. I’ll tell you how to create Persian Pop Culture: Get one of the Shahs to get paparazzi’d with no underwear on and create the Iranian equivalent of TMZ or Perez. Call it Parvez Hilton. That’s how it’s done!

Anyway, I do admire Asa for getting on stage and representing our people the way she did. It takes a lot of balls to get on stage, period. After all, she was unstoppable. She Esfanded her crotch to warn off all the evil, and even got Henna. BTW, Esfand is the Iranian version of sage and my family burns it all the time. Sometimes they burn it so much it starts smelling like a weed dispensary at my Grandma’s house. I always wonder what my Grandma’s neighbors must think when they smell the smoke coming out of her house. They’re probably like, “Damn, Granny lights up! No wonder she always has food at her house. Ol’ lady must always have the munchies!” Real Translation: Even if Granny did light up, it’s legal in California. Mind yo’ own business!

Anyway, Asa ended up killing it on stage, everyone was proud of her and they ended the night in a food fight. MJ was right, their summer wasn’t easy. GG turned their world upside down, MJ and Reza fought, MJ and Asa fought, Mike and GG fight, and GG and Asa fought. It was 300 all over again, but thankfully tonight the Persians won.

I know it all ended great, but something tells me the reunion isn’t going to be very fluffy. These people can’t go anywhere without drama. S--- will go down, and Andy better not have a knife on set because heads will roll if GG is around. And a quick side note on GG. I hope she finds her peace. Seeing her away from the group at the very end made me a little sad. What can I say, I’m a masochist for always forgiving people. But they’re still people, even if they are wack. Translation: I don’t want to get my ass kicked if I ever cross GG in a dark alley.

See you all next week for the first part of the reunion!!! Until then enjoy my take on what is and isn't Persian.

Comments? Tweet me @nadinerajabi

Nadine Rajabi is a television producer, writer, and comedian from Los Angeles. Most importantly she's Persian, and has been her whole life.

Asa's Profound and Cathartic Trip

Asa opens up about her expereince at the Iranian border.

Thank God that I'm a captain's daughter and grew up on boats and hovercrafts and do not need anything inserted to not get sick, LOL! Reza and Golnesa are cracking me up here. Hahaha!

Yachting all day on the same waters my wonderful father sailed in his youth. Such a wonderful day hanging out with my friends. Away from the B.S. and in this beautiful place enjoying each other’s love and company. Princess Island was so relaxing and charming. Every restaurant was a seafood restaurant, and I was in heaven! When I saw the tears in Merc's eyes, I could feel that she was ready to “go there.” I am so proud of her rawness about what she wants and her needs. After all, how can we achieve something we can't even visualize or speak of? I am here for her for strength, love, and support through thick and thin. She will be a wonderful mom!

By the great power of Destiny and Will, Reza, my Mom, and I were able to find a way to make a personal pilgrimage to the border of Iran, where all of us and our ancestors were born. It was such a long, intensive, and at times dangerous journey there, but this was nothing compared to the 30 years we have been waiting to go back home.Without getting too political, I wanted to explain to those who might not fully understand our inability to safely go to Iran. The fact alone that I am a political refugee is not the only reason. While I'm a very proud Iranian and feel a great responsibility to shed light on all the wonderful things about my culture, I also feel socially obligated to be honest about the things terribly wrong with the government of Iran. Iran sadly is a tyranny and deals with political dissidents (that's anyone with an opinion) as criminals. It jails, tortures, and executes its own citizens for simple expressing a political opinion. Think about all the individuals, comedians, talk show hosts, or journalists expressing various opinions here in the US about the president or government... In the US it's called freedom of speech. Well, this freedom does not exist in Iran. The number of “political” prisoners and executions of the latter is staggering. So, somebody whose art deals even mildly with such things and is considered “Islamic Feminist” going to Iran safely is pretty much out of the question.

Back to our beautiful pilgrimage to the center of my heart. Throughout the whole day, my Mom, Reza, and I were like silent warriors. We were all dealing with our own personal emotions throughout the journey while also in the collective experience. On the flight and the bus ride, it was sheer excitement. Then on the last leg of the journey in the Kurdish car, we all lost it. Listening to our favorite old Persian song on our iPhone and nearing the Iranian border, tears of joy and sadness starting falling endlessly.

It was so incredible for me to have my Mom, who sacrificed everything in her youth to make a brighter future for me and my brother, with me. I could feel her pain and joy and see it in her eyes. Reza and I really bonded on a primal level, and I will never forget these moments we shared together. I felt that we were making this pilgrimage for all immigrants, all refugees, all displaced people in the world.Then as I got out of the car and smelled the familiar air, a feeling of complete joy and euphoria came over me. I was not sad anymore. Nor was I missing it the way I used to. I surrendered all those heavy feelings right there on that earth. As I said, when you embrace the big monster, it melts away.

We all have landmark events in our lives. This was one of mine. Going to the border of Iran with my Mom and Reza was one of the most profound and cathartic experiences of my life. I am forever grateful and enormously blessed to have been able to have this experience. And I’m thrilled that I was able to share it with you all.