Cast Blog: #SHAHS

Recap: Lost But Not Least

Nadine appreciates the deeper peek into the Shahs personality, but wishes she knew less about Mike and Reza's sex lives.

The season is finally over! It's been quite a ride, and I had NOOOO idea that the Shahs could take us in the fast lane the way they did this past season. They proved that their lifestyle is louder, crazier, and more dramatic than anything you or I could ever imagine. I have to say, after last week's reunion I was left sad and upset with a few of the people in the cast. But after watching tonight's Lost Footage episode, I remembered why I love these guys. I really hope they can all work it out next season.

OK, without further adieu, let’s get on with the last of the lost.

I did not find it a coincidence that Reza and MJ didn't interview together. That leads me to believe that the two have not kissed and made up yet. When we have time off between now and next season, I feel like I need an MJ and Reza cam, similar to the puppy cam just so I can keep an eye on them to watch them fight (or play). Some might call it stalking. I call it concern.

Moving on to Mike and Reza. Can I just say I learned waaaayyyy too much about their sex lives. TMI, dudes! I mean, I loved how they kept going back to their carwash convo like they were the peanut gallery. But Jesus, Mohammad, and David! We get it, Mike! You like fake boobs. But being that he likes them so much, it’s curious that he wasn't more obsessed with Lilly’s floatation devices this season. Funny that he's never commented. Maybe if she hadn't been such a pill in Cabo, he could have given her fun bags a quick squeeze.

Oh and -- as far as grooming -- goes it's not shocking that Reza likes a good ol' fashion disco bush to go along with his armpits. Meanwhile, Mike likes no bush. Which pretty much rules almost every Persian girl out of his dating pool (condolences to Mike's mom and dad). Unless, they bought that Laser Groupon that was going around a few months ago. Personally, I think Mike's machismo talk is phony. I didn't see any of his preferences on Jessica. She seems like a natural beauty! At least, from what I could tell on screen, fully clothed.

As for Reza, I imagine him to like his bush so big that it's triple canopied like the Brazilian rain forest. . .with monkeys swinging from trees, parrots flying around, and Shakira there trying to save it. To each their own!

Besides seeing Mike and Reza talk sex, we also got a glimpse of Lilly's black card from the infamous Ali while she shopped. I love that home girl has no shame in using it. As we learned in Part 1 of the reunion episode, Lilly gave her Virginity Card to Ali, so it stands to reason that she feels entitled to his line of credit. Not a bad rule to live by. Here's a question, if she's not dating him, then how much longer can she keep using that black piece of plastic? I mean, she got a few fancy cars out of it. What more does she want? Wanna know what parting gift I got to the man I gave up my V-card to? My Dido CD back. Let's not even go there. . .

Let's get to the drama portion. Besides MJ claiming that she's autistic in interview (side note: she really should not be throwing the term around like a joke. . .just sayin'), she did a lot of things on camera that were SO not acceptable.

How about we start with her being drunk at Reza's family's house in Great Neck? You all know I love MJ and feel for her, but she should have shown more respect for Reza's family. I'd be lying if I said she wasn't funny though. When she called Reza's dad "hot," I almost fell out of my chair laughing. MJ, you know Reza's dad is a former playboy. Why tease him? You're going to give the poor man a heart attack! You're at a religious celebration! Keep it together, ya Persian Snooki!

I can understand why Reza, Mike, and company were upset with MJ that night. They must have felt like babysitters. I did think Mike treated MJ like a child, but the truth is, she was acting like one. She doesn't know when enough is enough. The B.S. line of the night was when Reza said he brought Mike and Asa to his parents house because he didn't want to be micromanaging her inebriation. Come on, Reza. . .really? That's why you brought them? For MJ control? If that's what you were so concerned about, why not just chip her like a dog and serve her virgin drinks?

While on the topic of MJ and Reza, let's talk about sex-gate. I bet MJ is lying, and she DID have sex with Reza. But why lie about it??? Why not just own a hilarious high school story? I'm sure she's done a lot worse than have sex with her gay best friend. For God's sake, I’m sure Pablo and Julio have done worse!

Speaking of Pablo. . .you gotta love a dog that has bad gas after eating too much prosciutto. Watching that scene I kept wondering if it was Sammy letting them rip and blaming the dog? I wouldn't put it past him.

And last but not least, let's talk about Lilly and Asa's cellulite treatment. Um. . .what cellulite does Lilly have? I'm glad she's setting such a good example for young girls. She goes in for that treatment like it's an everyday type-thing; the way some people would get their nails done or their eyebrows threaded. Although I'm pretty certain that getting threaded hurts more. As for Asa getting the treatment, the poor thing looked like she was getting tazed, not lasered. Asa, people from the old country flee this type of treatment and call it torture, while Lilly invites it. Next time. . .RUN!

All in all, this episode ended the season on a high note. It was just the type of comic relief we needed after such a dramatic season. There were so many scenes that provided a peek into the other sides of the Shahs' personalities: Asa's mom loving Snoop and Eminem, Mike being a flirt, MJ's dating criteria and GG's thoughts on selfish men in the bedroom to name just a few. There was just too much to cover, but coming off of last week it was a reminder that there is a lot of love between them all and left me hopeful for what’s to come.

I'd like to take the time to thank you ALL for reading my blog this past season. I also want to thank you for all your comments. I read them all!

Truth is we were on this ride together, and it was a fun one. I’ll miss you guys, and until next season, Khodahafez (Good-bye)!

Comments? Tweet me @nadinerajabi

Nadine Rajabi is a television producer, writer, and comedian from Los Angeles. Most importantly she's Persian, and has been her whole life.

Recap: The Inconclusive Freezer Aisle

Ep 8: Wondering who's the ping pong champion of the world and how to store your recently deceased dog? Look no further!

What do you get when you mix a frozen dog, a ping pong champion, and a polygraph test? Oh, just another episode of the Shahs of Sunset. Last night’s episode proved to be one for the books. Before we get to MJ’s freezer and GG’s polygraph outfit, let’s quickly recap what happened in our hour of power.

With Reza’s wedding coming up, Reza, MJ, and Asa are all going on a “detox.” I’d say the word “diet,” but the Priestess doesn’t like that word, so we’ll stick to the friendlier D-word. While on the subject of weddings, Jessica is turning into quite the bridezilla showing up at Mike’s office with their wedding planner…you know, just trying to plan the whole wedding during business hours.

We also saw Asifa’s dad give her sound relationship advice. He told her, “don’t be like Madonna.” I wish he would have clarified 1984 Like a Virgin Madonna or 2015 Rebel Heart Madonna. If he meant the latter, I agree…sort of.

As Asifa was getting advice from her Persian Dad, Reza paid Dr. Downs a visit to sort out some relationship issues he’s been having with Adam. We found out that not only are they having issues in the bedroom, but sweet Adam has a porny side with a bad habit of not clearing his browser history. I hope Reza and Adam figure out their issues, because their wedding clock is ticking and there is only room for two in the bed, not the world wide web.

On the friendship front, Reza and Mike had a sit down to try to hash out their differences. Mike is hurt because Reza didn’t tell him the Turkish secret, and Reza found out that Jessica thinks he’s evil. Needless to say, the sit down wasn’t a success. A text message conversation could have gone smoother. Their bromance has been lacking the “bro” part for quite some time.

Now, I’d now like to take a moment of silence for our favorite four-legged Mexican, Pablo. I was heart broken to find out that he had passed. That dog was a mascot for the Shahs. As viewers, we’ve experience many great moments with our furry friend from being pushed around town in a stroller to getting his anal glands expressed to wearing bow ties.

Hopefully MJ will bounce back quickly because I know that Pablo’s soul will live on forever. But I’m not sure GG’s eyes will ever recover from seeing Pablo wrapped up like E.T. fresh out of the Persian freezer aisle, aka MJ’s kitchen freezer.

My big question: Was Pablo stuffed between the frozen broccoli and the Häagen-Dazs or did she clear out the freezer before making a doggie morgue?

As if GG didn’t have enough stress seeing the deceased Mexican E.T., she had to go through a lie detector test given by Orville Redenbacher’s doppelganger. After a line of questioning, the test came back inconclusive, and Orville wouldn’t budge. He basically told GG, Game Over. I wonder if GG’s outfit had anything to do with it? You’d think having her hair in braids, she’d be a shoe in for a good test score, but that didn’t seem to be the case. Hopefully next week she’ll get better results when an examiner with a real computer tests her. 

Before I go, I MUST take a minute to give tribute to the one and only Ping Pong champion of the world, Vida. Put some backspin on it, Ms. Ping Pong Champ! 

Comments? Tweet me @nadinerajabi.

Nadine Rajabi is a television producer, writer, and stand-up comedian from Los Angeles. Most importantly she's Bravo’s in-house Persian.