Cast Blog: #SHAHS

The Definition of S---show

Reza discusses what a nightmare Asa's friend's pool party was, and compares MJ and her dogs.

Full transcript after the jump.

So you guys just got done watching Episode 2.

MJ's roly poly dogs are kind of just like she is. They got to the snacks faster than GG's dog. That's the same thing that happens when me, GG, and MJ are out. MJ gets the Scooby Snacks before GG has a chance to get to them.

Anyway, from there we head into that beautiful meal with Asa and her family. And tadig literally is Persian crack. But the truth is every Persian mother wants their kid to be a doctor, lawyer, or an engineer. Um, hello, it's 2012. We don't all have to do the same thing.

But what'd you think about my date with Adam. How cute was that date right? And that comment about the flambé. Why are you serving flaming desserts when there's queens in the class. Was that like. . .was she coming after me? I should have stabbed that bitch when I had the chance. I was holding that knife. You saw me slicing that s--- real cute.

Can we please talk about the s---show which is also known as the Solati pool party? Did you see homeboy bite it? He literally came to go in the pool and it was like watching Humpty Dumpty fall. Literally he went spla-tat and fell in the pool. And it was a wrap. There was no food. I think there was an old Persian pimp there. Someone might have said the f-word that rhymes with maggot when I was walking by. It was craziness. And of course, GG pops off, as per usual. And what does Asa do? She went doink and MJ and GG both bit it, because both of them were drunk.

I could not wait to get the F out of there. That was a s---show. If you want to look up s---show in the dictionary, they'll be a video blog of the Solati pool party instead of the word "s---show." You’ll just watch and you’ll be like damn, "that was a s---show you was right."

Anyway you guys, I've got more important things to do right now. I've got to get this offer submitted so I can get this money so I can look good for you guys. So I'm going to say goodbye until Episode 3 and peace.

Recap: The Inconclusive Freezer Aisle

Ep 8: Wondering who's the ping pong champion of the world and how to store your recently deceased dog? Look no further!

What do you get when you mix a frozen dog, a ping pong champion, and a polygraph test? Oh, just another episode of the Shahs of Sunset. Last night’s episode proved to be one for the books. Before we get to MJ’s freezer and GG’s polygraph outfit, let’s quickly recap what happened in our hour of power.

With Reza’s wedding coming up, Reza, MJ, and Asa are all going on a “detox.” I’d say the word “diet,” but the Priestess doesn’t like that word, so we’ll stick to the friendlier D-word. While on the subject of weddings, Jessica is turning into quite the bridezilla showing up at Mike’s office with their wedding planner…you know, just trying to plan the whole wedding during business hours.

We also saw Asifa’s dad give her sound relationship advice. He told her, “don’t be like Madonna.” I wish he would have clarified 1984 Like a Virgin Madonna or 2015 Rebel Heart Madonna. If he meant the latter, I agree…sort of.

As Asifa was getting advice from her Persian Dad, Reza paid Dr. Downs a visit to sort out some relationship issues he’s been having with Adam. We found out that not only are they having issues in the bedroom, but sweet Adam has a porny side with a bad habit of not clearing his browser history. I hope Reza and Adam figure out their issues, because their wedding clock is ticking and there is only room for two in the bed, not the world wide web.

On the friendship front, Reza and Mike had a sit down to try to hash out their differences. Mike is hurt because Reza didn’t tell him the Turkish secret, and Reza found out that Jessica thinks he’s evil. Needless to say, the sit down wasn’t a success. A text message conversation could have gone smoother. Their bromance has been lacking the “bro” part for quite some time.

Now, I’d now like to take a moment of silence for our favorite four-legged Mexican, Pablo. I was heart broken to find out that he had passed. That dog was a mascot for the Shahs. As viewers, we’ve experience many great moments with our furry friend from being pushed around town in a stroller to getting his anal glands expressed to wearing bow ties.

Hopefully MJ will bounce back quickly because I know that Pablo’s soul will live on forever. But I’m not sure GG’s eyes will ever recover from seeing Pablo wrapped up like E.T. fresh out of the Persian freezer aisle, aka MJ’s kitchen freezer.

My big question: Was Pablo stuffed between the frozen broccoli and the Häagen-Dazs or did she clear out the freezer before making a doggie morgue?

As if GG didn’t have enough stress seeing the deceased Mexican E.T., she had to go through a lie detector test given by Orville Redenbacher’s doppelganger. After a line of questioning, the test came back inconclusive, and Orville wouldn’t budge. He basically told GG, Game Over. I wonder if GG’s outfit had anything to do with it? You’d think having her hair in braids, she’d be a shoe in for a good test score, but that didn’t seem to be the case. Hopefully next week she’ll get better results when an examiner with a real computer tests her. 

Before I go, I MUST take a minute to give tribute to the one and only Ping Pong champion of the world, Vida. Put some backspin on it, Ms. Ping Pong Champ! 

Comments? Tweet me @nadinerajabi.

Nadine Rajabi is a television producer, writer, and stand-up comedian from Los Angeles. Most importantly she's Bravo’s in-house Persian.