Cast Blog: #SHAHS

Cry Me a River

Recap: The Shahs Peace Summit

Recap: Recipe for Disaster

Asa's Profound and Cathartic Trip

Recap: Reza Pops The Big One

The Return of Lochnesa

Mike: I Will Marry Jessica Soon

Reza Dishes on His Engagement

Recap: Make a Run for the Border

Mike Shouldn't be "Scared" of Other Religions

Recap: Turkey with a Side of Apology

Mike's Inner Struggle

Lilly's Disrespectful Behavior

Mike Takes GG's Side

Recap: Outed by Chihuahuas

Reza: "Lilly Doesn't Understand Friendship"

Lilly's Battle with Foot Boogers

Recap: Always a Lady

Recap: A Little Too Much Diamond Water...

The Shah of Bull Sh--

Reza: "I Wish I Had Kept My Mouth Shut"

Ep 8: Persian Empire Divided

Will Mike Put a Ring on It?

Reza Learns the Power of Apology

Recap: Shah-etiquette

MJ Owes GG a Genuine Apology

What MJ Did was Wrong

Loch-Nesa vs. MJ

Asa's Juice Disaster

Recap: Persian Pride?

MJ's Moral Compass is Way Off

An Offer Lilly Can't Refuse?

Recap: Homo-Not-So-Genius

Mike's Disappointment with Reza

Asa: "I Definitely See Why Reza is Irritated"

Reza on the Fight: "I'm Not Proud of It"

Lilly Needs to "Get More Real"

Reza to Lilly: "Get Off Your High Horse"

Mike: Master Negotiator

Lilly: Ain't Nobody Got Time for This

Why Can't MJ Just Say "I'm Sorry"?

Cry Me a River

Ep 4: Why is it so hard for MJ to apologize and so easy for GG to pitch a tent?!

This week Reza’s idea to lure MJ into making up with GG ended up as camping with the Persian Griswolds. Someone needs to tell him that you can’t make people kiss and make-up. Before I get to the infamous “spa trip,” I’d like to dispel a couple myths that were mentioned in this episode. 

Myth No. 1 

Persians don’t camp….

Yes, our people are from the desert, but our idea of camping is waiting outside a department store on Black Friday. 

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GG and her family are special circumstance Persians, kind of like seeing a Persian child with two eyebrows. You just don’t see them that often. 

Myth No. 2

Not all Persians like to have their face covered…

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Yes, since the revolution, women have had to cover up and Iran’s taken a step backward, but someone needs to tell Asa that a gilded bird flu mask is not a fashion accessory. 

AND NOW I’d like to take time to do a graphic blog ode to Asa about what happened on this very special episode of Shahs of Sunset

MJ loves to do weird things with her body—be it sticking a tube in her butt to get the poop out or freeze her face, she’ll do it. 

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And she’ll do it while wearing underwear!

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Little did she know she’d have to pack a lot more than underwear for where she’s going next…

Next, Mike proved that he could negotiate like a banshee. 

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What did we learn from all of this? $45K is way too much for a bus sticker, and $35K isn’t…

Persian school of negotiation from Mike? If all else fails and the ol’ “my girlfriend’s Italian, you’re Italian” trick doesn’t work… negotiate everything like you’re buying a car. Just pretend like you’re walking away from a deal and get $10,000 off your bus sticker, or as I like to call it an expensive bumper sticker.

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Listen, Mike’s brother may be able to fill a cavity, but I bet he can’t negotiate like Mike. If Mike’s mom had seen him talk down the bus guy with the blue loafers, she would have been proud. Nonetheless, we saw some movement from mom this episode—hopefully her support will grow. 

THEN we learned that Asa is taking a break from music for a hot minute and throwing herself out there to do a gallery show. She wants to tell a story of her childhood through images, like a video installed art piece from the time she was born until the time she moved to L.A. when she was 15. 

Only problem is, just like her music, she’s never done anything like this before. Asa is a pioneer in her own right. Last season, she performed her first concert, she chanted her way to the perfect diamond, and now she wants to do an art installation in record time. Good on her!

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Once piece of advice: If she wants to tell a story, she should remove the mouthpiece. 

While Asa was out fighting the Persian bird flu, MJ and Reza finally made it to the American River. 

How MJ didn’t know they weren’t going to a spa was beyond me. Yes, MJ, you will get a whirlpool, it’ll just be in the American River. 

Can we just talk about GG pitching a tent for a minute? The girl can’t keep her cool long enough to keep her hoops on in a fight, but she can pitch a tent? I’m impressed. I like this side of GG. 

Long story short, after everyone got settled (finally), and MJ realized she couldn’t wear high heels at a campground, they decided to suit up and go white water rafting. While rafting, MJ broke a nail, but took the opportunity to closely inspect her nails over a smoke. 

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There has to be some law about not smoking while WHITE WATER RAFTING! I digress…

GG confronted MJ very maturely on the raft and gave MJ an opportunity to apologize and what did MJ do? Tell GG she was genuinely not sorry before hitting the white water rapids. Yikes! 

Reza on the other hand, had bigger problems on his hand… no, not the rapids, and not MJ and GG. Poor thing looked like Mario from Super Mario Bros. 

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Thankfully, everyone made it out alive from white water rafting and after a heart-to-heart between MJ and Reza, they all had s’mores by the campfire. 

Before we get to MJ and GG part deux, can someone tell this poor Persian she’s on camera when eating a marshmallow?

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After everyone had fun with their respective marshmallows, GG and MJ got into it (how many times have I written this sentence this past two seasons?). After a lot of back and fourth, GG asked the million-dollar question to MJ, “why is my relationship your business?” GG’s right. MJ as a friend can absolutely have an opinion, but the fact that she keeps meddling and is so stubborn to not apologize is beyond me. 

It got to the point where GG’s dad even got involved, but MJ is so damn stubborn, she apologized for not being sorry. Or as MJ calls it, “Sorry. Not sorry.” It’s funny… as I watch MJ I think to myself—she might apologize, she might just do it… and when it comes down to apologizing, she just won’t do it and CAN’T. It’s as if she’s allergic to it. She went as far as apologizing for inconveniencing GG, for causing trouble, for GG being upset, but she still doesn’t think she did anything wrong. 

No MJ, technically, you told the truth. Is there a girl code you broke and did you break your friend’s trust? Yes. If the reverse were to happen to MJ, she would have lost her sh--. 

All MJ has to do is apologize for opening her big mouth. How hard is that to do? Instead she’s going through all this trouble and crazymaking for what? As for GG… I’m proud of her. She kept her cool a lot more than last week (frankly, more than she has in two seasons), and she had some very valid points. MJ is just being stubborn and can’t admit she’s wrong. 

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Lesson for the future? MJ needs to wear one of Asa’s facemasks to keep her big mouth shut. 

Until next week…

Comments? Tweet me @nadinerajabi

 

Nadine Rajabi is a television producer, writer, and stand-up comedian from Los Angeles. Most  importantly she's Bravo’s in-house Persian.

Recap: Recipe for Disaster

Ep 15: Nadine weighs in on Part 1 of the reunion.

Here’s the thing… The Shahs reunion reminded me of a Thanksgiving dinner gone wrong. Except there was no turkey (or Turkey for that matter), not a lot of wine, and certainly not a lot of peace.

You’d think since the reunion was a little more intimate, being over a dinner table where they all broke bread, it would be somewhat peaceful…well guess again. I think sitting in such close quarters was a recipe for disaster, with a few exceptions. One being the infamous buttery chocolate cwaasannnt. Hallelujah! It’s over, finally!

There was so much covered, that I’m going to only address a few highlights…

So let’s get started, shall we?

Let’s start with Lilly “No Friend Zone” Ghalichi. I kind of felt bad for her. I truly don’t know what is going to happen with her next season. As is, she’s not hanging out with the Shahs. I just don’t know how will she come back after this. I was shocked that Asa laid into Lilly more than Reza did. It was only a few episodes ago where Lilly told Reza that Asa was the better friend to her. And as I recall, Asa gave Lilly a cooking lesson teaching her to beat her meat. I get that some of the Shahs have beef with her, but the truth is that Lilly doesn’t mesh well with this group (except for GG as of late). Andy did leave it open-ended, asking Reza if Lilly makes a real effort if he’d take her back, and Reza said absolutely. If that were to happen, I suggest MJ learns GG’s hook method. She’ll need to hook with her fingers and her toes.

Now on to GG and MJ. When will these two frenemies NOT fight? It seems to be their “thing.” They’re like drunk sorority girls: “I love you. I hate you. I love you. I hate you. I need more to drink. You broke girl code. I want to wax my car with your t-ts. You assaulted my hat, so I’m going to call your mom. But I do love you.” All I have to say to that is, “You don’t need to go all tango on me!”

Speaking of getting all “tango,” how about GG storming off when Leila showed up -- only to be put in her place by the Shah bouncer? I hope she realizes that one drink isn’t going to make her problems or her sister go away. Thankfully the GG whisperer was able to put her in her place. The reality of GG and Leila’s situation is they have a classic case of Competitive Sister Syndrome. I think they’re both guilty: GG shouldn’t be so harsh with her words. And Leila should have been more mindful about her friendship with MJ. Just goes to show that sh-- runs deep when dealing with family matters. Let’s keep it classy, ladies! All I know is my ass would be grounded for life if I’d ever treated my brother the way these two girls treat each other.

 

Last, let’s talk about Reza and his ex-work husband, Mike. Andy called these two out -- they kissed and made up in the finale, but it looks like things have gone south since that peaceful workout scene. Reza is right and I’ve said it before, no one leaves a thriving career to start over. However, I don’t know the logistics of their deal, so I can’t comment on who’s right and who’s wrong. What I can comment on is IF Mike needs money for a ring, he probably shouldn’t have invested in a bus wrap. And Reza SHOULD have maybe showed Mike the ropes a little more. Selling homes is not an easy job, you have to put in a lot of legwork -- it’s not a get rich quick type business. Mike said he loves Reza like a brother, but “he’s such an ---hole.” These two guys are becoming MJ and GG 2.0. They should all just get a room! One for their bodies and one for their egos.

I can’t wait for next week when Vida joon pays us a visit. I hope they give her the memo that there are no crocodiles in the San Fernando Valley.

And if you missed the final Shahs After Show, be sure to check it out now.

Comments? Tweet me @nadinerajabi