Recap: Homo-Not-So-Genius

Ep 5: Between the questionable golf attire and drama in the club, there was a lot to talk about this week.

Homo-Not-So-Genius

Just when I thought the show would be about MJ and GG, the show took a left turn. Literally. Before I get to Reza’s issues with the proud and out loud Sasha, let’s recap a few things…

This episode we learned that Mike is not balding, but he sadly was diagnosed with what seems to be ear dandruff. Mike, it’s OK. My grandpa ended up with more hair in his ears than he had on his head, but he lived a long life. You can live with a little ear dandruff. Plus, the ear flakes will help when you’re trying to filter out Reza’s yapping.

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We also learned that Vida and MJ are mean golfers…and by that I mean, please don’t wear sandals with hose…EVER.

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…or wear wedges to play golf.

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This is not a game of “Who Wore It Better?” It’s golf.
Other things we learned…

Now that Asa’s a businesswoman, she’s stepped up her game and her garb.

Just two weeks ago, she wore this…

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And this week, our own H2O tycoon wore this…

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Her parents must be thinking she’s living the American dream. She’s dating a Jackson and now this??? All joking aside, seeing Asa’s parents proud put a big smile on my face. Being Persian, I can relate to Asa’s story of her parents leaving everything behind, because my family did the same, and all I want to do is make my family proud.

And that’s why I’m going to launch my own product next week. I want it to be in a competitive market, so I’m naming mine…Cubic Zirconia Water.

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Think my parents will be proud? I’m going to be the Steve Madden of the water world.
For a second I got scared this episode, because I thought Asa was back to her old Season 1 self, but thankfully the beings that abducted our Priestess brought her back to us when her art assistant, Emmie, came over to help her with her art installation.

I’m glad Emmie was there to give Asa sound advice to move her body around while she doubled as a movie screen.

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Hopefully, Asa will remember to remove her gold bird flu mask during the Easy-E portion of her installation. You simply can’t rap with a gold muzzle.

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Grillz, yes. Muzzle, no.

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And before we get to Reza’s love for his Persian gay-neighbor, I have to talk about our heavy-boobed-Lilly.

I learned in Jerry McGuire that the human head weighs eight pounds, but I’m left to wonder if Lilly’s boob weighs more? Girlfriend’s been complaining that she can’t keep the weight on…sounds like a simple solution, get bigger boobs.

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She said she could negotiate the sh-t out of any situation, but poor thing couldn’t negotiate her way out of a bad haircut, or is that a wig? Seriously, that’s a real question.

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Whatever it is, her “hot girl discount” can’t even help her. Poor Lilly. Thankfully hair grows…or it just comes off.
Now on to Reza and his gay Persian neighbor, Sasha. I can’t comment on how Reza feels about gay men coming over to the U.S. after the revolution, because that’s his own issue and I’m not in his head. But in Sasha’s defense, he can’t help that he was born after the revolution, and second, good for him for getting out and being able to live the way he wants to live. That takes guts.

But let’s talk about Reza’s behavior for a second. I have to be honest, at first when I saw Sasha at Reza’s house, I was annoyed at Sasha. There’s a quality about him that I can’t quite put my finger on. But the reality of the situation is Reza was completely out of line. I don’t know if he feels threatened by Sasha or if he was jealous that Adam had invited another Persian gay guy to the house, but bottom line is Reza was wrong.

After the initial drama at Reza’s house, I was annoyed at both Reza and Sasha; Reza for his tone and how he came at Sasha; and Sasha for not respecting Reza and not leaving when he was asked. However, once I saw the two of them at the gay club, my opinion changed.

And oh boy, that gay bar was something else. It looks like Middle Eastern gay bars are just like regular gay bars but with more hair, more gold, and more hookah. Oh and it’s not exactly a “lounge” per se, it’s more of a…um…cave:

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All was okay in Persian-Gay land, until Reza spotted Sasha at the bar. Los Angeles is a big town with lots of bars, so what are the chances that Sasha, his not-yet-to-be-outed brother, and Reza are at the same club? Apparently tonight the Persian stars aligned…

After Sasha came and greeted Adam, he got cornered by MJ. Then moments later, Reza came over and was asked to be a fly on the wall while Sasha finished his side of the story.

I learned two things from that moment:

1) According to MJ, Reza is the man of the house. I wonder how Adam feels about being the Mrs. in this relationship?

2) Adam thought it’d be a good idea to have Sasha over because he was Persian. Very sweet attempt, Adam, but that’s just like me finding some dude off the street with a beard and saying, “Adam, look! You guys should hang out since you both have beards!” Gallant effort, but man did that sweet gesture backfire.

I digress…In the middle of Sasha’s cross-examination, in comes Sasha’s brother, Salman. Annnnd that’s when Reza decided to out him. That’s also when Desert Storm part deux happened. After a little back and fourth, Reza threw the gay f-bomb at Salman. Honestly, Salman’s sexuality was not Reza’s information to share, and what Reza did was NOT cool. I don’t blame Sasha for freaking out on Reza.

Thank God for Mike during this episode—he was the only one of sound mind at the bar. I know he wanted Sasha to apologize to Reza, but I think his opinion changed once he heard Sasha and Salman’s side of the story.

What Salman said really broke my heart. He hit it right on the head—he left his country so that he wouldn’t experience what he did with Reza. Just goes to show that homophobia is everywhere, even within the gay community.

I hope Reza can learn from this experience. I can’t comment on how he feels, but I know what I saw and I didn't like it.

Comments? Tweet me @nadinerajabi

Nadine Rajabi is a television producer, writer, and stand-up comedian from Los Angeles. Most  importantly she's Bravo’s in-house Persian.

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