Recap: Make a Run for the Border
Ep 13: Asa puts down her 10,000-pound rock and GG finds her butthole.
Before we dive in, be sure to check out this week's after show:
The last two episodes of Shahs have been the best two episodes of reality television that I’ve ever seen. Of course, there was normal Shahs debauchery like body shots and potty humor, but I feel like these episodes have been very responsible, heartfelt, sincere, and EMOTIONAL! Kudos to my fellow Persians for showing their vulnerability and being so brave.
Let’s talk about The Shahs’ journeys of self-discovery (in no particular order)…
This episode, Reza learned that he broke up with Iran.
Asa discovered that she’s been carrying around a 10,000-pound rock, and she left it at the border.
MJ learned that she wants to have babies.
Mike learned what it was like to be in a Turkish bath.
And GG learned where her butthole is!Let’s start with GG and her seasickness medicine. First of all, the fact that GG couldn’t find her butthole came as a big shock to me. She claims that there is one sign on her rear and that is an exit only sign. Hmm…OK. If she says so…
GG’s hunt for the Red October included some choice phrases. My favorite being, “Ahhhh! I don’t know where my ---hole is.” Um…I’m going to make that my ringtone.
But, at least she wasn’t up sh-- creek (literally). She finally found her butthole with a little help from Reza. Because that’s what real friends do…they help you find your butthole.
Before Reza and Asa’s big trip to the border, we learned how long it takes to get there. They had to get up at 3 AM to catch a plane at 6 AM, then get on a bus and drive for another three hours. That’s a lot of traveling to get to one place. Considering the amount of hoops they had to jump through, you'd think they were going to go to a rave. I’m shocked they didn’t have to bring some chickens, a Whopper, and have a secret password.
Enough about raves and buttholes, let’s talk about the border. My GOD, I cried like a bitch watching it. It was so powerful and raw. I felt like I was emotionally on the journey with Asa, Reza, and Zinat. They are truly brave. It’s hard to have roots in a country that no longer exists the way it was when you grew up. I was born in the U.S. because my family (like many), came over because of the revolution. I’ve been to Iran one time with my mother, and I have to say I NEVER understood what my family was talking about until I went there. Sure, the country itself is beautiful, but it’s not the same country that many Iranians grew up in. It took seeing my Mother get deeply emotional over seeing her childhood home and how everything she’d known had changed for me to fully appreciate how hard it has been for refugees. Her house was there, but it wasn’t her house anymore. It was remains of a home. All that were left were memories.
I felt like my Mom’s old house was symbolic of how things have changed in Iran. Yes, it’s the same location, the same country, and they even speak the same language, but it’s different. It’s no longer what my family (or many families) grew up in. Seeing our mighty three at the border, praising Iran and lying in the dirt really moved me -- I felt them on a deeper level. After seeing this, I didn’t feel so alone in the conflicted feelings I carry about Iran. Like them, I am left grateful and proud of my heritage.
Okay, now that this recap has taken a serious turn and totally derailed, I’d like to conclude the Turkish/Iranian border trip with Asa’s powerful line, “When you face the wound, the monsters go away.” Such a powerful statement. She’s like Princess Peach in Super Mario Bros. 2 going against the monster, Wart, in the final level. I totally get you, Asa.
I’d like to finish this recap addressing MJ’s self-discovery. I was floored when MJ told Reza she wanted to have two kids. Yes, she said kids, and she wasn’t referring to Pablo or Julio. It was as if it just rolled off her tongue like it’s something she’s been wanting her whole life. It was nice to see MJ have a real, vulnerable moment. And was it just me, or did MJ have a total Carrie Bradshaw moment when she got her heel stuck in the grate? It was so indicative of her life! I really felt for her. Who knew that MJ would be naming her boobs before she had kids? I hope she finds her way.
I feel like the Shahs really grew in Turkey and it’s the most responsible we’ve ever seen them. For me, these last two episodes of Shahs have been the best reality television I’ve ever seen. I am Persian, so I have a bias, but they were damn good -- there’s no denying.
Until next week…