Cast Blog: #SHAHS

Recap: Make a Run for the Border

Ep 13: Asa puts down her 10,000-pound rock and GG finds her butthole.

Before we dive in, be sure to check out this week's after show:

The last two episodes of Shahs have been the best two episodes of reality television that I’ve ever seen. Of course, there was normal Shahs debauchery like body shots and potty humor, but I feel like these episodes have been very responsible, heartfelt, sincere, and EMOTIONAL! Kudos to my fellow Persians for showing their vulnerability and being so brave.

Let’s talk about The Shahs’ journeys of self-discovery (in no particular order)…

This episode, Reza learned that he broke up with Iran.

Asa discovered that she’s been carrying around a 10,000-pound rock, and she left it at the border.

MJ learned that she wants to have babies.

Mike learned what it was like to be in a Turkish bath.

And GG learned where her butthole is!Let’s start with GG and her seasickness medicine. First of all, the fact that GG couldn’t find her butthole came as a big shock to me. She claims that there is one sign on her rear and that is an exit only sign. Hmm…OK. If she says so…

GG’s hunt for the Red October included some choice phrases. My favorite being, “Ahhhh! I don’t know where my ---hole is.” Um…I’m going to make that my ringtone.

But, at least she wasn’t up sh-- creek (literally). She finally found her butthole with a little help from Reza. Because that’s what real friends do…they help you find your butthole.

The episode continued with a crazy boat ride with none other than GG on her back while Reza took body shots off her belly button. Hey, at least she knows where that hole is! Because we all know that holes aren’t GG’s forte. It was nice to see Reza and GG bond so intimately on the boat. I guess Turkey just keeps bringing the Shahs closer and closer together.

Before Reza and Asa’s big trip to the border, we learned how long it takes to get there. They had to get up at 3 AM to catch a plane at 6 AM, then get on a bus and drive for another three hours. That’s a lot of traveling to get to one place. Considering the amount of hoops they had to jump through, you'd think they were going to go to a rave. I’m shocked they didn’t have to bring some chickens, a Whopper, and have a secret password.

Enough about raves and buttholes, let’s talk about the border.

My GOD, I cried like a bitch watching it. It was so powerful and raw. I felt like I was emotionally on the journey with Asa, Reza, and Zinat. They are truly brave. It’s hard to have roots in a country that no longer exists the way it was when you grew up. I was born in the U.S. because my family (like many), came over because of the revolution. I’ve been to Iran one time with my mother, and I have to say I NEVER understood what my family was talking about until I went there. Sure, the country itself is beautiful, but it’s not the same country that many Iranians grew up in. It took seeing my Mother get deeply emotional over seeing her childhood home and how everything she’d known had changed for me to fully appreciate how hard it has been for refugees. Her house was there, but it wasn’t her house anymore. It was remains of a home. All that were left were memories.

I felt like my Mom’s old house was symbolic of how things have changed in Iran. Yes, it’s the same location, the same country, and they even speak the same language, but it’s different. It’s no longer what my family (or many families) grew up in. Seeing our mighty three at the border, praising Iran and lying in the dirt really moved me -- I felt them on a deeper level. After seeing this, I didn’t feel so alone in the conflicted feelings I carry about Iran. Like them, I am left grateful and proud of my heritage.

Okay, now that this recap has taken a serious turn and totally derailed, I’d like to conclude the Turkish/Iranian border trip with Asa’s powerful line, “When you face the wound, the monsters go away.” Such a powerful statement. She’s like Princess Peach in Super Mario Bros. 2 going against the monster, Wart, in the final level. I totally get you, Asa.

I’d like to finish this recap addressing MJ’s self-discovery. I was floored when MJ told Reza she wanted to have two kids. Yes, she said kids, and she wasn’t referring to Pablo or Julio. It was as if it just rolled off her tongue like it’s something she’s been wanting her whole life. It was nice to see MJ have a real, vulnerable moment. And was it just me, or did MJ have a total Carrie Bradshaw moment when she got her heel stuck in the grate? It was so indicative of her life! I really felt for her. Who knew that MJ would be naming her boobs before she had kids? I hope she finds her way.

 



I feel like the Shahs really grew in Turkey and it’s the most responsible we’ve ever seen them. For me, these last two episodes of Shahs have been the best reality television I’ve ever seen. I am Persian, so I have a bias, but they were damn good -- there’s no denying.

Until next week…

 

Comments? Tweet me @nadinerajabi

Nadine Rajabi is a television producer, writer, and stand-up comedian from Los Angeles. Most importantly she's Bravo’s in-house Persian.

Recap: Dodging Balls and Shade

Ep 7: Will a heart-to-heart over leggings mend Asa and MJ's friendship?

This episode was full of overcoming. Mike overcame the meat sweats, MJ tried to get GG to overcome her love of tattooed boys, while Reza vocalized his intimacy issues with Adam, and Asa and MJ were crunching the munch.

Let’s start with the meat, shall we? Mike and Jessica showed off their new rock to Shervin at an all-you-can-eat Brazilian Steakhouse. What I didn’t know going into this is how much meat two meatheads can eat. It’s amazing what lengths two Persian men will go to not pay a bill.

But the real beef was between Mike and Jessica. When Mike tells Shervin that he wants to reconcile things between him and his friends, Mrs. Shouhed-to-be responded with, “Mend it? No.” Something tells me that Jessica will first sauté Mike, then fillet him if he tries to mend his friendships anytime soon. And if he does, he will be the meat on the skewer he’s eating. It’ll be interesting to see how everything shakes out.


Meanwhile, Reza confided in Asa about his intimacy issues with Adam before confronting him. Apparently this isn’t a turn on:

But he thinks this is:


Good news? Adam agreed to Reza’s prenup terms and it sounds like they’re going to spice up their sex life. Hopefully they’ll meet somewhere in the middle between taking a shower and the oh so subtle, “Suck it.”

While we’re on the subject of love, MJ is determined to get GG dating again. She not only helped set up her Tinder account, but she also went as far as meeting her out one night and calling over two contenders (one tattooed and one not tattooed) as if she was on an episode of The Bachelorette. In true MJ form she was super subtle, grilling the guys with “What’s your sign?” Followed by, “How big are your dicks?” Needless to say, neither guy got a rose.

And speaking of doodools…Asa met with Mr. Doodool Tala himself, Mike, about what went down at Shervin’s party. She asked him point blank if he did it and he denied it. But after all was said and done, Mike said he couldn’t remember if he was even in Golnesa’s room in Turkey. This whole thing is starting to feel like a scene from Dude Where’s my Car, except it’s Dude, Where was my Dool?


GG is about to take a lie detector test next episode and we’ll hopefully find out where Mike’s dool was. Remains to be seen…

Now on to something that involves balls with no dools attached, dodge ball. The MJ and Asa (AKA Crunch and Munch) back and forth has been boiling since the Malibu staycation, and it seems as though it finally got addressed this episode while shopping for dodge ball outfits.


But some physical activity and a heart-to-heart in leggings proved to be the recipe for mending a friendship. However, I’m not sure MJ apologizing has fixed this problem as they both still seem a little skeptical of each other. Can’t we all just get a long in the name of gold?

Before I go, can we give credit where credit is due? Here’s to the lady at World of Leggings! Men, take note: When you’re stuck and can’t find “meggings,” just wear your leggings backwards. Problem solved.

Oh, and as for Goldie, now I know where he got his name…

Comments? Tweet me @nadinerajabi.

Nadine Rajabi is a television producer, writer, and stand-up comedian from Los Angeles. Most importantly she's Bravo’s in-house Persian.