Hello, everyone! I’m baaack! Starting with the second episode this season. Better late than never, right? I blame it on Persian Time or as our Shahs have called it PST (Persian Standard Time).
The first episode started off with a bang, arguing (like all good Persians do) about clothes. And last night’s episode was not short on the drama. Here’s the quickie: Mike wants to be the king of his castle like Borat, while Jessica gets a taste of the non-engaged life slaving over a hot stove.
Our feisty lovely new cast member Asifa moved in with GG, and learns that GG lives like a frat guy, listens to the TV turned up, and keeps her remote close, but her knife (named Toucan) even closer. Asifa, nothing in life is free…
We learned that MJ is a true professional. By professional I mean she self-sexts from her client’s phone, who apparently is the Persian tripod. I’m assuming they didn’t show the picture because he’s too big to blur. Side note, there should be a drinking game based on how many times the word "dool" is mentioned in each episode. In fact, I think I’ll play this drinking game drinking from a "dool" shaped straw.
While MJ was busy "working," Jessica became Jewish official (it’s like Facebook official, but with religion). And of course, the biggest news of the episode was GG divulging her big Turkish secret…the same week of the Persian Malibu Staycation.
Lots to get to, but let’s quickly talk about what seems to be the biggest problem of the last two episodes: Grown men fighting. Last week it was the case of the sewn-in vent, and this week tensions seem even higher when the Persian Brooks Brothers, Mike and Bobby, don’t back down. Mike wants an apology, and Bobby doesn’t want to force a friendship. This strangely reminds me of the GG/Asa feud in Season 2, but without the hair extensions and gold hoops. If they can make up, so can our Persian Brooks Brothers.
The show ended with Jessica leaving because she had to work early the next day. Of course before she left, Jessica asked everyone (including Mike) to make sure he doesn’t fight. A sign of things to come? Is it just me, or did this whole episode play like a cliché horror movie?
Famous line: "Just when you thought it was safe to go back into the water.”
Shahs scenario: Jessica warned Mike to not put himself in bad situations with the group. She said the next time something happens, Mike should just leave… Well, we all know how that turned out when Bobby and Asifa showed up at the dreamy Malibu Staycation. The two men couldn’t even apologize. Instead they took the fight outside, and nothing got resolved. Annnd…Mike, Bobby and Asifa all remained in Malibu.
Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Famous line: "Who will survive and what will be left of them?"
Shahs scenario: Jessica begs Mike not to fight and leaves the house because she had to “work” early, and the episode ends with a “To Be Continued…” So the real question is, "Who will survive and what will be left of them?"
Night of the Living Dead
Famous line: "They won't stay dead.”
Shahs scenario: GG planted some information at Asa’s house. In Malibu, there was a fist bump greeting between Mike and GG instead of a hug. Then Jessica leaves, and GG, Asa, and Reza all have this big secret. Like Night of the Living Dead, secrets never die…or will they? That remains to be seen.
I know Jessica has flown the coop, so by default she’s the last surviving member of this Staycation. Something tells me (and I could be very wrong) that the fighting next episode won’t be centered on the Persian Brooks Brothers, but instead, GG. Thankfully, GG’s beloved Toucan lives at her frat house home next to her cable TV remote, her #FART hat, and white tube socks. And want to know the worst part about all of this fighting? GG still can’t sit comfortably because she got her buns done.
Oh and before I forget: Contouring your under arms with bronzer? MJ, how do you do it without making your clothes orange? #PersianGirlProblems
Until next week!
Comments? Tweet me @nadinerajabi.
Nadine Rajabi is a television producer, writer, and stand-up comedian from Los Angeles. Most importantly she's Bravo’s in-house Persian.