Andy Dishes on Watching Madonna Videos Drunk

Read an exclusive excerpt from his new book, 'The Andy Cohen Diaries.'

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What really goes on at a Housewives reunion? Have any Watch What Happens Live guests gotten out of control? And who is Andy Cohen's favorite sleeping partner these days? (Hint: it has four legs and a tail.) In his new book, The Andy Cohen Diaries: a Deep Look at a Shallow Year (on-sale this week!), the late-night host pulls back the curtain on his private life, offering day-by-day entries about his goings-on at work and at play. To celebrate the book's release, the Dish will have exclusive excerpts all week. Today, we're sharing his diary entry from November 13, 2013. Check back throughout the week for more on his follow-up to his New York Times best-selling Most Talkative.

I woke up early. I "listened" to Wacha’s cues—he sat in front of the door three times, and I took him out each time and he went each time. I need to listen to this dog!

Today the Times ran their piece about my deal with Bravo, and I was expecting more from it. You always expect more when something is being written about you, because to you it’s a big deal and you overthink what a big deal it will appear to be to others. And I’ve been working on it for months and months. But it’s not a big deal. Maybe if you’re Ryan Seacrest, the news comes out and it’s a big deal. I’m not Ryan Seacrest and maybe I’m just not a big deal!

After the announcement went out I realized, “OMG, I have this company now,” so I called [my assistant] Daryn in and told her it was her and me against the world, and we need to get @MostTalkative and Mosttalkative.com. Idiot me had not even given this production company plan any detailed thought. Mosttalkative.com is owned by Holt, all about my book, which is fine, and then the Twitter is some girl in Palampur. So I told Daryn, you need to make a list of everything you would do if you were starting a company, OK? And I named her Chief Creative Officer. She’s twenty-five years old. I know how to produce TV shows like I know how to talk, but I am backing into running this production company and learning as I go.

I hosted the Emery Awards for the Hetrick-Martin Institute at Cipriani tonight. Doing an event like that is tricky. The charity really needs someone to get up there and MC the night, but on the other hand it’s a thankless job. Two thousand people talking and you have to be the guy who reads every item in the gift bag to fulfill sponsor obligations. But I saw a lot of friends and talked to even more people with bad breath. The amount of people who don’t maintain their breath is staggering. It makes me think they have a belly full of raw fish and spoiled meat. I saw Chelsea Clinton, so that’s two Clintons in one week. Didn’t smell her breath.

I got a haircut in my dressing room before my show, and as I sat there, out of nowhere felt this huge weight had lifted because of the deal being announced. I let out a literal deep sigh of relief. My parents came to the show. They had been representing me at opening night of Stars of David. It’s a new off-Broadway musical where each song is the story of a famous person’s relationship with Judaism. I put them in matching Mazel hoodies and they did a shotski with me. I was full of gratitude for them tonight, how lucky am I to have parents who can share in this weird existence with me—not all parents are like them. After the show, Hickey, back from LA, came over and finally met Wacha and loved him. We got very drunk and watched Madonna concert videos.

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Excerpted from THE ANDY COHEN DIARIES: A Deep Look at a Shallow Year by Andy Cohen, to be published November 11, 2014 by Henry Holt and Company, LLC. Copyright © 2014 by Andy Cohen. All rights reserved.

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