She's a New York Times best-selling author and self-made businesswoman—but Bethenny Frankel isn't afraid to admit she has failed when it comes to finding true love. In her new book, I Suck at Relationships So You Don't Have To: 10 Rules for Not Screwing Up Your Happily Ever After, the Skinnygirl mogul shares her insights about how to get a relationship right. All week on the Daily Dish, we'll be posting exclusive excerpts. Today, Bethenny opens up about why men need to feel appreciated in a relationship. Read on:
Sometimes women ask me why they should have to do all the work to fix relationship problems. Why can't their boyfriends or husbands be the ones to determine that the relationship isn't satisfactory and take steps to change it? Girlfriends, if you are waiting around for the guy to, first of all, notice there is a problem in a relationship he has with someone he's having sex with, and second of all, devote time to sitting and thinking about it and consciously figuring out steps he could take to make the relationship better, then you need to go back and reread Chatper 1.
Men need to feel appreciated. They need to feel good about themselves in the relationship if they are going to be the person you want to be with. Ultimately, they want to make us happy, but they need a little help doing that because—as you now know—we are mysteries to them.
If they are making an effort and we don't appreciate them and we only focus on the negative, that discourages them and then they don't want to try anymore. You are the one who can turn that situation around. It doesn't take much, but you need to instigate it. Maybe it's unfair, but it's reality. Consider it a fair trade for his having to put up with your PMS.
Truthfully, I believe that the person who has the problem has the responsibility of making it known and taking steps to fix it. If you are the one who would like something to be different, then you are the one who has to figure out how to change it. It's as simple as that. It's not about being a woman. It's about wanting a certain kind of relationship and going out and getting it.
That usually means it's going to be up to you, and thank God, because the alternative is that you are completely at the mercy of someone else's whims. Take the power, take the control, and make the relationship what you need it to be.
Excerpted from I SUCK AT RELATIONSHIPS SO YOU DON’T HAVE TO by Bethenny Frankel. Copyright © 2015 by BB Endeavors, LLC. Published by Touchstone, a Division of Simon & Schuster, Inc. Reprinted with permission.